Hi all...<BR>I have not posted in a while as I have not had much to say. I have been reading and hanging around in the background though. Keep up the good work everyone.<P> I have met with my lawyer and we go to court on Monday for our initial appearance. It will be one of the saddest days of my life. I didn't ask for this...I don't want this and I have no way of stopping it. This divorce had done nothing but create hard feelings all around. It is one of the most unfair things that anyone should have to go through. I resent the fact that because of my W's choices, I have to give up the family that I worked so hard to preserve, give up time with my children and give up a lot of the life that I really enjoyed.<P>I have made it perfectly clear to my W that I don't want this. I love her as much now as when I married her. She on the other hand, is sure that this is what she wants. She will not even consider the possibility that there are people out there that can help us. And I guess that she is right. As long as she has this mindset, there is no hopw of fixing anything.<P>The negative aspects of this mess are truly mind boggling. You all know what those are. There have been a lot of possitive things that have come about. I have started playing music again, with soome good friends. I gave that up when I got married because it took time away from my family and they were more important. I forgot how much fun it was performing. I have been forced to look at what it is I want out of a relationship, and now have a very good idea of what that is. I also have read so much material on relationships that I also now know how to make one work, and the errors that were made. I have met many new friends, men and women alike. I have been asked out on several dates (which I am not really ready to accept)but it has done wonders for my self esteem which was trashed when my W decided to mess around with someone else.<P>So as you can see, there has been a lot of personal growth during this whole mess. What ever happens now is out of my hands. On Monday the ultimate betrayal happens. We go to court and my wife will say that she wants a divorce because of irreconcilable differences...what a freakin joke. I just wish that the truth could be put down on paper...maybe at that time she might think about what she is doing.<P>I feel comfortable with the fact that I have tried my best and now it is out of my hands. Is it time to move on??? I don't really know. THat thought is becoming more and more inviting every time I think of W and boytoy together.<P>Those of you who haven't gotten to this point...hang in there if you can. I hope that things turn out the way they should, with yur family intact. After all, didn't we all make promises that should be kept???<P>Mike

Mike,<P>So sorry to hear about all this. Although H has not filed yet it is only a matter of time. He works out of town so he is unable to file.<P>My H is a bit like your wife in that he does not want to believe that anyone can help our marriage. He know this is crap and he also knows exactly what it would take on his part to save this marriage but he is unwilling to do that. His taker is master of his life right now and I the kids and I are being made to pay the price. I never wanted this and hate everything about it but with the wonderous no fault D I am able to do nothing but make the best of it. <BR>The unfairness of it all is mind boggling. I will be forced to give up so much and all for the sake of his selfish selfcentered selfserving mindset. Hope the B*****D is happy!!

Hey Hopeless,<BR>I am sorry tthat you are in the same boat as me. Seems as though the good people always wnd up going down with the ship. Isn't no-fault divorce a wonderful thing...it lets those who don't want to take any responsibility for their actions get away with it. My only comfort in this is that I know that neither one of them, (ws/om) will ever be able to trust each other. Although they think that this is it...how do they know it won't happen again!!! What comes around goes around. Although I love my wife...I think she needs a HUGE wake up call!!!!! <P>My life continues to move forward with the hope that the pain will eventually disappear. <P>Mike

Hey, Mike -<P>I just wanted to say that my thoughts and prayers are with you. I don't have a lot of advice in situations like this, but the only thing you can really do is to treat yourself well, become the person you want to be. While it may look like your marriage is ending, your life has not. I really thinkg, that in time, your wife will have some regrets about not trying to work things out with you. Maybe it won't be tomorrow, or a year from now, but someday, I expect, she will have some regrets. Unfortunately, it may be too late. But, you should not let that affect the way that you feel. You tried to save your marriage, you did all the right things, and for that you should be proud of yourself. No one could ask for more.

Hey SKM,<BR>Thanks for the kind words...<BR>I HAVE done everything that I can imagine to try and put this marriage back together. I finally realized that although some people can turn things around by themselves, that it probably is not the case here. It still bothers me a lot that my W would not even make an attempt to repair our marriage, but she is in another place right now. My two young children will be the ultimate losers in all this mess. My W does not see the damage that this is causing. <P>Someday she will look abck on this and I hope she realizes what a huge error in judgement she has made!<P>Mike

Dear Mike,<P>You are sounding positive about yourself and this is good to hear. Your wife though does not sound positive about herself and that is something you will have to watch and she will have to deal with. This I am sure will be painful for you. <P>I do feel we are in similar situations. My H is stressed. While he is supposedly making plans with OW, but for some unknown reason, can not live with her right now. H may be on the streets. RE: he can not pay his rent and pay his bills. I have loaned him money and he still is not making it. I am now being accused of putting him on the street because I am asking for partial payment back so that I can pay for our family's needs. <P>H is not utilizing his options, so I am not sorry for his situation. His pride is going to make him fall and fall hard. That is his decision. I have just implemented a hard plan B. Only communication is for child visitation, mail and money issues. Really that is a lot by itself. <P>Anyway, this weekend will be hard for me and I know will be an anxious one for you. Please know that we are all here pulling for you to make it through. You have been great in the past (always one who encourages others) and I know you are a survivor. <P><BR>Take Care and keep posting. <P>L.

Hi Orchid,<BR> Thanks for the kind words. As a HS teacher I try to get my students to realize that life is about choices. I think that for the most part everyone wants 3 major things in life. #1 to love someone. #2 to have someone love them. and #3 be able to make choices.<P>Now as far as choices go...when you have that option you can go down two different roads, which usually leads you in two different directions. Some choices will make you happy and yoou will never be sorry you made them. Other choices will lead you into nothing but trouble. If you want to have responsible people in this world, you have to let them make choices and then suffer the consequences of their decisions if there are any. <P>My point being that when I talk to my students about this there is always one or two in the group whos parents always bail them out if they make wrong choices. That does not teach responsibility. <P>So my W has made her choice right now. That is to end this marriage and lie about the reason why. She has always been irresponsible, and now I must let her do what she needs to do. Although it is going to kill me to have to go through this divorce, I can not stop it, and if I could...what would that accomplish? <P>My best wishes go out to you and once again I thank you and everyone else on this board for their kind words!<P>Mike<P>------------------<BR>the probability of someone watching you...is directly proportional to the stupidity of your actions

Mike,<P>I'm sorry it is the way it is for you now. I totally relate to your statements in this post. You don't want this, you know they are making a huge mistake, you've grown personally, know alot more about relationships, and on and on. I feel the same way. And ultimately, it is out of our hands now. All we can do is be true to ourselves and do our best.<P>Keep playing music. I'm happy that you are doing something that you enjoy so much. You have the right attitude through this. No one can take that away from you.<P>I wish they could strike that "irreconcilable differences" from the list of reasons why you can leave someone. It IS a joke like you say. Why don't they change it to "NO REASON...JUST WANT TO TRY SOMETHING ELSE".<P>Anyway....there will be a whole pile of us thinking about you on Monday....so in spirit you won't be alone in the courtroom.<P>

Hi Rick,<BR>Your post means a lot because I know that you have been here and that this whole thing sucks. When I walk in to that court house on Monday it will be like walking down that long path to the gallows. The only thing is that nobody asked what I wanted for a last meal! lol<P>I liked your reason for divorce, and I was thinking that maybe it should read..."can't handle responsibility and would like to go back to playing! ",<P>Thanks for the support, knowing that my friends here, will be with me in spirit on Monday will make it alot easier to deal with.<P>Mike

Mike,<P>How are you doing? Thinking of you today. Let us know!<P>Take Care.

Hi Hopeless,<BR>I am sure that when I get home, I will be posting. This is not going to be easy being there, and it won't be easy keeping my mouth shut.LOL<BR>Mike

Mike,<P>Been thinking about how you are doing. Keep us posted. <P>L.

Mike,<P>Just wondered how you did.

Yo Mike - how'd it go? I may be close behind you. My wife is like yours - won't even try to work on the marraige and I'm running out of reasons to help her tormented mind.<P>Dave

<P>I guess you have a lot fo people here wondering how you are, including me, and you don't even know me.<P> Lots of Prayers <BR><P>------------------<BR>Deb

Hoping to hear how you are doing and how it went today...