I posted a question about my own situation in the Pre-Marriage forum, but I'd like to hear everyone's opinions about this...<BR>Which do you feel is worse: A drunken one night stand or an ongoing or long term affair?

skibunny - most of the books on infidelity distinguish between one night stands and long term, emotionally involved affairs as being very different. The one-nighters are easier to hide from discovery and may not carry the baggage of the inevitable withdrawal. The long term or romantic affairs require much more deception and lies and are probably harder to recover a marriage from, but both are betrayals. What's worse, getting killed by being hit by a car or a dump truck?<P>However, I'm sure some will say that the long term affairs are worse. <P>WAT

No doubt for me. The long-term affair. The depths to which he wwent through to deceive me and his family while he was away on business. He has truly broken my heart. He was once an honorable man. She helped turn him into a liar and a cheat. They both make me sick.

Definitely long term EA's. When coupled with PA/EA, I think this is the worst. My WS blessed me with the worst. He is still in the fog and getting pulled in deeper by his OW every minute. EA's are worse than PA's. I heard that when I first started coming here and I painfully learned that this is true. <P>Ugly as it seems, even to the WS's, they still do not always have what it takes to pull themselves out of their A.<BR>My MIL told me an experience of an 11 year A. with a man that looked like Fred Flintstone. We laughed but at the time, it was a serious A. Believe it or not!!!! Who can figure these things out? For all I know the OW could be a beautiful Chinese lady or one that looks like a duck! Can't tell. WS says she is ok to look at but nothing spectacular. Then why are they so drawn to them? Guess it's not because of their looks. Although, his OW made it a point to try and describe me as "You're not even pleasant to look at it seems; short, chubby, nagging and rude." We have never met (at least not yet). H says he never told her I was ugly. Oh well, not sure if you can believe everything H says. H was a little upset at what OW wrote and says she is jealous. <P>There are a lot to be said about the damage a long term EA can do to a marriage and the chance of recovery is lowered depending on the attitude of the WS and BS. In my case, WS is under the control of the OW and looks like the Big D is coming. <P>L.<P> <BR>

It's not fun trying to compare the severity of these issues, but for what it's worth:<P>My least worry would be a one-night stand (drunken), in which guilt caused the wayward spouse to confess shortly afterwards---and drinking wasn't a major issue in the marriage.<P>A long term affair can be hell to get through. But if it's a "first offense" type of situation, and the wayward spouse eventually returns to the marriage, AND the couple works on the marriage---long term prognosis is good.<P>In some ways, the worse situation I could imagine would be several one night stands, in which the betrayed spouse didn't have a behavioral clue. This points to sexual addiction (or compulsion)---and that can be a tough thing to cure. And I'm not sure that the betrayed spouse ever regains comfort in the marriage, without extraordinary measures taken by the wayward spouse to be accountable.<P>