I have been married to my Wife for just over 10 yrs. Two kids age 6 and 8. Before marriage I had suspected my spouse (then girl friend)had cheated once. When confronted she adamantly denied doing so. I took her for her word as that is my nature. Over the 14yrs I have known her I have suspected many dishonest statements, although only one haveing to do with infidelity.<BR>That happened about 5yrs ago. She came home about 6hrs late after telling me she was out house shopping for a relative. The excuse given at that time was that she had encountered an attempted rape by a guy showing her a house. She said she was fine, she just couldn't come strait home after the attack, she had been sitting in her car until she was calm enough to come home and tell me. She refused to call the police and didn't want to talk to me about it either. Now 5yrs later I have choosen to ask her about the truth. First she stated that it was before we where married and the story was true. Then she admitted that it was before marrige but that she did go out on a date but sex was not involved. When I refused to accept that excuse, because I am sure we where married at the time (I recall where I was standing in the house we now own that was purchased after we got married when told of an attempted rape upon my wife), she has said she did do that before we where married and must have reused the lie but doesn't remember doing so. We have now been reviewing this event for a month now. She continues to state she doesn't remember what she was doing when she gave me that lie. Although she has admitted cheating on me three times before marriage, and promised she will never lie to me again. I can not accept that she doesn't remember. I have expressed to her that I love her and would want our marriage to continue but that I need this matter resoved. My belief is that she has given me the information of infidelities before marriage to make me believe she has come clean and told all. She continues to state she truely doesn't remember the event during our marriage. If she told me of an affair 5yrs ago I do believe I would hurt more than I am now but I would then have something to recover from. As it stands I don't have that and it is driving me nuts. I do not have any suspicions on any cheating in the last 5yrs, but I can't seem to let this go. Any suggestions, comments would be appreciated.

Have her agree to take a lie detector test. If she does not agree to do so than the chances are that she is lying to you.

I asker her if she would take a lie detector test. She said "How about hypnosis, cause I really can't remember." I'm afraid if I did get her to agree to lie detector and she proves to be lying our marriage would be over and that's not the outcome I want.

I agree with Max. I guarantee to you that if she had an affair she would certainly remember it. I think she is not telling the truth. The question to you is whether you want the information. I would also ask the ask other questions about if she has had other affairs during your marriage. I think that you have a right to know.

I would bet that she remembers everything and the timeframes. Not being able to remember major events like this as being 5 or 10 years ago does not make any sense in my opinion. Maybe you can get her to embrace concepts found here, buy Surviving An Affair, and make her understand that recovery is possible if she is honest.<P>Take care.