Bringing this up from a question you asked me in your post below about why the WS won't admit to the A, I think there are several reasons.<P>In my case, I refused to admit it b/c I was terrified of how my H would react. Some WS's don't admit it b/c deep down even THEY can't believe what they're doing. Then there's that group of WS who are arrogant enough to think that they can deny and continue to get away with such behavior.<P>A WS in the fog is a deranged being, functioning with half a brain. They will keep up whatever ridiculous charade they have to b/c a WS is a very inconsiderate and selfish individual, not to mention a master of deception.<P>When I look back on the days of my A, I feel ill over how terribly I treated my H. I became the type of person I'd normally despise . . . lying, deceitful, and selfish beyond belief. B/c I was in the fog, I found ways to justify my actions and thought of no one but myself.<P>It wasn't until my H discovered the A that I snapped out of it and realized what I was doing. I have my H to thank for bringing me back to reality and saving me from the extremely self-destructive path I was on.<P>Hope this helps. If you have any more questions, feel free to ask. {{{{{{Hugs}}}}}}

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Susie7753:<BR><B>Bringing this up from a question you asked me in your post below about why the WS won't admit to the A, I think there are several reasons.<P>In my case, I refused to admit it b/c I was terrified of how my H would react. Some WS's don't admit it b/c deep down even THEY can't believe what they're doing. Then there's that group of WS who are arrogant enough to think that they can deny and continue to get away with such behavior.<P>A WS in the fog is a deranged being, functioning with half a brain. They will keep up whatever ridiculous charade they have to b/c a WS is a very inconsiderate and selfish individual, not to mention a master of deception.<P>When I look back on the days of my A, I feel ill over how terribly I treated my H. I became the type of person I'd normally despise . . . lying, deceitful, and selfish beyond belief. B/c I was in the fog, I found ways to justify my actions and thought of no one but myself.<P>It wasn't until my H discovered the A that I snapped out of it and realized what I was doing. I have my H to thank for bringing me back to reality and saving me from the extremely self-destructive path I was on.<P>Hope this helps. If you have any more questions, feel free to ask. {{{{{{Hugs}}}}}}</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Dear Susie,<BR>You don't know how much I appreciate your reply! What a great insight you have given me and have answered a lot of questions rattling around in my brain. I, too, recall that fog. I was married once before and my first H was a horribly abusive man. In time, with NONE of my emotional needs being met and yet trying so hard to meet all of his, one day I met a man with a warm, wonderful smile. We developed a friendship that never went to a PA, but now I realize that I did have an EA with him. This friendship went on for almost 2 years and during that time, I remember feeling "alive" for the first time in a long time. Because we were both married, we didn't let it progress to a PA, as I said, but I will never forget those feelings while I was, I guess, in that fog.<P>Now, as to my H: because you helped me to remember and to identify long-forgotten feelings, I am beginning to understand why he is so secretive. I know that he doesn't want to leave me, at least not yet, and he seems to be making some type of effort to turn things around. Naturally, I do not trust him like I used to anymore, but I really do love him and would like to see us continue as man and wife. I think he is in the process of rethinking things, and yet I can see signs of sadness in him (the "withdrawl" the Harley's talk about?) from time to time. All I can do is be patient and try not to go over the deep end myself. It hurts so much being physically ignored by him that words can't begin to describe it! We used to have such a wonderful, warm and intimate relationship but my illness changed all that. Maybe God is listening and will answer my prayers with a "yes". But, if it's a "no", then I will have to learn to forgive and to move on.<P>Hugs to you, Susie....and thanks again<BR>Windancer

WD, the withdrawal is VERY real and it's difficult for the WS to recommit until it begins to pass. Some WS's suffer from severe depression. The length of the withdrawal period is different for everyone.<P>As far as regaining trust, that doesn't happen overnight. Trust has to be earned. I don't expect my H to trust me again for a VERY long time, and who can blame him. I did the worst thing I could have done to him, so I'm not setting an alarm clock here.<P>I'll keep you in my prayers, and I wish you strength and courage.