My h has had no contact since 3/5 (atleast to the best of my knowledge). We are in counciling with Jennifer and she states that if he has contact w/the OP and hides it and it continues that the OP will probably call me to tell me that he is talking / seeing her again. She was pressuring him to move in with her quite hard and I was pressuring him to make a decision and get back into the marriage. I have not quized him to determine whether or not he has contacted her, he seems to be working on our marriage and I dont want to lb. But .... I cant seem to get over the fear. Has anyone had the experience where the WS has had hidden repeated contacted the OP after a no contact letter has been sent and what was your experience?

Oh, plenty of examples of "fake" no-contact letters. My W wrote one, finishing up by saying to the OM "I want to spend the rest of my life with you". Duh. For a more recent example, check out Discovery 2000's post on EN. Her H gave a no-contact letter to the OW, along with a diamond ring... <sigh><P>AGG

Once it was written, I took it to work, copied it and mailed the original to her. The only thing that he could have done was to retrive it out of her mail box or call her and deny the letter. I have gotten the feeling that she was pretty much at the point where he needed to commit to her on a permanent basis. She has 3 kids older than ours and is not as financially secure as we are or even as I would be in the event of divorce. How do you discover the hidden deception? Do you think she would call to rub it in as Jennifer thinks?

The OW in my situation DID JUST WHAT JENNIFER SAID. OW gave him an ultimatum, when he didn't leave me, that is when she emailed me to tell me that they were STILL seeing each other and contact didn't end when i thought it did. She even lied to me when i called and asked her what was going on, she said nothing, basically she was playing NICE or as I like to call it "THE OW PLAN A" Oh yes, the OW/OM will Plan A there butts off to get your spouse to chose them. In her words SHE WASN'T DOING THIS TO HURT ME, BUT SHE FELT I SHOULD KNOW"! Gee, she sure as hell didn't let me know b4 he turned down that ultimatum! And I told her just so, that the only reason she told me was because he didn't do what SHE WANTED and she wanted to hurt him like he hurt her. Typical women stuff.

Wow! She is a little vindictive. I just dont want to be in the dark thinking that everything is going well and then have a bomb shell drop on me again. <P>Trying2 4give<P>What was your H's response to what she did?

Yes my H went back to ow 3 times after no contact letter. He's now in counseling but I think too much has happened for us to make it. ow would not leave my H alone..and still won't. My H has asked her to leave him alone and his counselor has asked her to leave him alone. She said she would but within a week of that request she called and asked if they could just be "friends."

Of course H was PISSED! I think he thought she was so in love that she would never do anything to turn against him like that. Then we all got into an email arguement, him telling her to leave us alone, her telling me things sending me all of his sexual, loving poetic emails to her. (believe me those will stay in my mind forever). I thought i wanted to know everything, but what I learned is KNOWING EVERYTHING doesn't help recovery! Needless to say, it was a mess for about a week with the emails and phone calls. He still tried to deny a lot of what she was saying and afterwards didn't want to discuss everything. We did go to counseling which helped us communicate better, which was our biggest problem But that was 3 years ago. We are doing much better. I still think about it everyday and can't wait until the day that I don't. But I was determined not to become a BITTER ANGRY WOMAN! The anger does get easier and i think that what they say is true, it takes about 2 years for the hurt and anger to really lessen. I never thought it would but it does get easier with time. I have to control my resentment, but coming here helps and I have learned a lot about myself and marriage in general. I still get down sometimes about it, and i get angry at myself for letting it still bother me so much, but when i things like this i will just go over to my H hug, him, kiss him ANYTHING that will bring me back to the present and not locked into the past. Just wanted to also add, that when i found out they were still in contact H and I were doing AWFUL. I had not found this site yet and was LB'ing all over the place. Never thought about a Plan A just wanted to make him hurt, make him feel guilty, never thinking that it would drive him further away or back to her.<p>[This message has been edited by trying2_4give (edited March 27, 2001).]

AM Hurt<P>Are you still doing this dance with her? I can imagine your pain.<P>Trying2 4get<P>Thanks for sharing with me. I understand how knowing everything is not always best for the BS. I have learned too much due to taping the telephone and emails. I have a very difficult time forgeting how he sounded when he told her that he loved her and then thinking that he doesnt say it to me unless I say it first. I am glad to know that the pain does eventually fad and I appreciate your suggestion to stay focused on the present and the better future. I have no doubt that I can overcome this and that we can have a better life/marriage because of our hard work at our marriage. It is just very difficult right now. Last night was a bad night. I kept replaying the I love you seneiro and I finally told him how I felt about it and that I hate her. I can honestly say that I have never said or felt hate for another person. I am usually a very easy going agreeable person. I am trying very hard not to make him feel guilty but I am sure that I dont always accomplish that goal. I am glad you are doing better and your reply helps me see that there is hope for a better future. Thanks so much