Dear ZZ,<P>You say that both you and OP are pressing your spouse. How is your spouse reacting to the double whammy?<P>Mine curled up in a ball and gave up on life. Wanted to give up on everything and run away. <P>I had to let him run, fall down and hit bottom. Not pay dirt, but dirt dirt, below the dirt. The problem is that I kept wondering what hitting bottom meant. I feel like we are there now, but in reality I know it could get worse. I still have a house over my head and a car to drive, food to eat and fair health. H does not have all those necesary luxeries. Thanks to OW who promised all that to him. <P>The point of my account is to show what helping them heal sometimes mean letting them fall. You can chose to be their to help them up or watch them help themselves. If they learn where their true love is, then you have regained your mate. If not, it is better to move on to find someone who will give you that kind of true love. You do deserve respect and honor. <P>My H had 2 no contact meetings and 6+ phone calls to end their relationship. Problem is that OW likes to fish. Throws H out (tells him to go back to family), then when he is almost there, reels him back. Calls him her 'soul mate' and says they were meant to be together. <P>Funny how the more they are together the more H runs away. Not just back home but away from OW. So much for their being together. <P>See before, H & OW blamed me for them not making it together, then I pulled out of that game (H moved out, 2 months later I went to plan B). Now all their bickering is not because of me. That is what H needed to see. <P>My recommendation is not to pressure him. Show him you are his friend. Make your home a safe haven where he is comfortable and where he wants to be. If he shows a desire to be there, then show him that those in this safe comfortable home must respect each other. H can not sleep in 2 beds. Show that after he is comfortable so he will want to work to make your house his home. <P>Just my thoughts. <BR>L.
