Have any BS had a conversation with an OP that they felt was worth while? This could be in the form of IM conversations on line, E-mail, phone, face to face, anything. I just want to know if this really does ever happen.<P>------------------<BR>Marry

I have talked to her,online,by E-Mail and once on the phone. Worthwhile? She said some stuff that bothered my H,like she would Use me to check up on him.Eyeopner bevuase, just eeww. She let some things slip, like that her own H loved her,which my H didn't know because she had portrayed him differently. That was online. On the phone,she promised not to contact us again,WRONG..promise broken. By E-Mail,she was different. She said "You are his rock,you can't leave him now". Is that worthwhile? Well, at least she knows that. Does she beleive it,who knows? She does lie. Still, I don't regret talking to her,in any way.<BR>Got a chance to see some stuff about her and so did my H.<BR>Hope this helps. This was a need of mine and I'm still not sure if it was right. But I NEEDED to do it.

Mostly by e-mail. OW lived in e-mail & cell phone land. Ow accused me of invading her privacy by sending her e-mails. I thought I was dealing with a rational person and thought I could appeal to her sense of family. <P>Wrong!! Mrs. Psyco Babble was worse than WS. In fact, she was giving WS personal lessons on how to be 'discreet'. Setting many secret e-mail accounts (about 6), P.O. Boxes (she had at least 4 in the last 3 years), secret voicemails and secret cell phones, etc. <P>Anyway, her perception of the A. was very interesting. She defended her right to break up his family for 'their' benefit. She even claimed to send him back to his family 5 times. Let's see the part she left off was that she also called him back each of those 5 times. Sending him back then calling him the next day to see how he is doing (under the cloak of just wanting to be friends). How many friends do you have that want to see how you are and then sleep with you? WS said I was to suspicious and didn't understand what a caring person OW was. <P>You are right. Ow's e-mails to WS were full of I love you's and the ones to me were full of Hate. Called all kinds of names, accused me of having an affair with my FIL, called me an abusive mother, a liar, chubby, rude, calling H 24/7 ( yet WS spent more than 50 hours per month on the phone with WS - per sprint), said I seduced my H and that he did not seduce me (well we are married and yes he did most of the initiating), etc. <P>Was it productive? Putting all the hurtful lies aside, I did learn through the e-mails that OW knew where I lived, worked and my work and cell phone numbers. That was important since I felt she was threatening in her e-mails. Mine weren't all that nice either but they were not threatening just informative. Anyway, I had her e-mails checked out with the police and in one case, the Hotmail abuse line. As a result the Hotmail abuse line immediately shutdown one of her e-mail accounts. Oh well. <P>But it was painful. You never know what you will be dealing with. I saw the movie Fatal Attraction and I saw many similarities. This and other things helped me prepare for possible retaliation. I have paperwork available to file charges, shoud OW physically attempt to harm my family. The school, neighbors, friends and relatives have all been put on alert. <P>As much as you think you would like to help straighten OP out, remember they have no real reason to be nice to you. Remember they are in the process of stealing your mate. How many theives are nice to their victims? Some not most. <P>Be careful!<P>L.<BR>

The OW has contacted me twice by email. I forwarded it on to my H & my replies, so she couldn't twist anything around. She answered both my returned emails, I didn't respond again. The contact was a month or so apart. I was glad to hear from her, as I knew she was desperate at those times, I wish she still was. I kept that account open for along time before I closed it out.<P>In her calls to the house, she mostly hung up. After we moved her, she did her hangs but then she got to where she ask to speak to H, he was never here, then she say I was returning his call.<P>I know that my H hasn't liked her contacting me, so as hard as it has been I have refrained from contacting her. <P>But I would love to give her a piece of my mind, if things work out where my H divorces me to be with her I will.

OW called me, when she found out we were still seeing each other. . she was saying things like "I don't want him playing me or you", bla, bla, bla. . I was EXTRA nice to her. I told her that I still love him & that I'm not going to stop. . she said he still loves you too (ok, then what is it exactly that YOU are doing here it you know that????). She tried to get information from me, I told her she needed to ask him these questions. She ended up calling him & throwing a big fit in front of all his friends. In the end, this phone call was a big fat LB for her and a big plus for me. He's told me since then that he's proud of the way I handled myself. . it was hard to be nice, but sometimes you just have to be the bigger person.

I contacted OM very early in the afair - before it was confirmed. We used to be friends. I told him that his wife thought he was messing around with my wife and would he please squash this dirty rumor before it gets out of control. He said, "Yea, I'll take care of it." He sure did.<P>Since then we have not spoken, although he's had a few opportunities and was not man enough to face me. Not surprising for the lowest life form on the planet. He was a pallbearer at my son's funeral less than year before the affair started.<P>WAT

Thanks so much for your stories and perspectives. It is Our daughter who is or has been? the OW. She said that about a week she and MM were talking on line and W caught them. She said that W took the computer and started talking to D for several hours. Daughter said that it was good and that it was a realief and that it takes her out of the situation. I'm not sure what this means because it is easy for me to read into this what I want. We have had our D in counseling for the past year(affair has been 1 1/2 yrs). I do think that she wants to move on with her life yet has been in deep FOG. Some how I think that this was a good thing and wanted to hear if any had had some experience like this. D even asked about the books my husband and I are reading together, "love Busters" and "His Needs, Her needs" and the MB sight. I asked what she wanted with this information(she has not been willing to talk to us about any of this for so very long). She said she is going to E mail the information to W. What is this ? None of our efforts to appeal to MM since of decentcy has gone anywhere. Even threats! So any thoughts?<P>------------------<BR>Marry

I have,<BR> <P> She said they were just friends that had been out to dinner a couple of times. She just liked talking business with my H. She left a whole buch of things out!!!!.<P> But she no longer talks business with my H. She no longer kisses and hugs him either. She no longer sneaks around with him when hers is out of town. She doesn't want me to ruin her life!! She had the nerve to tell me that if my H and I got a D, she did not want any blame for iT!!!!<P>------------------<BR>Deb

bnbsdbg-------my D is single however I think that she does not want to be blamed for a divorce if it should occure. Is that out of touch or what! As parents, this nightmare has been ongoing for over a year. I'm here on MB to find answers. Everything we have done, untill I found this sight, has pushed her to MM. Even though she does not live with us, I'm trying some of the principals I've read about here at MB. This, believe it or not, has lead to her asking to go to counseling with us, and I believe my be why she is ready to move on with her life. I can't tell you how much these stories touch my heart. I can't tell you how sorry that my own D is part of this missery. I hear how crazy making this is for all involved and I thank you for your response. I want you to know that I pray for the family my D is involved with every day. For the W because her world is shattered, for their four young boys because they will live by the example of their father, for my D because she does not know how this has hurt her character, her heart, her being. Thank you for your response.<P>------------------<BR>Marry

Marry,<BR> How old is your D? How old is the MM?<BR> <BR> My D is a WS herself. She is 25 and left her H and 3 very small children. She is with a 21 year old party boy. Who also has a child,but was never M. He is a loser. He doesn't even have a job! We are waiting for her to emerge from the fog.<P> Tell your D he will only cheat on her,too. She is not a WS, so she might not ever cheat on him. She is just gullable.<P> Lots of Hugs and Prayers!!!!!<P><P>------------------<BR>Deb

Marry?<P> Has she met this man? in person??<P>------------------<BR>Deb

bnbsdbg------------Daughter was 23 when this started. She had started and job after college and her boyfriend had broken up with her. She met this 38 MM on line and told him all about herself. She refered to him as her penpal. She told him things that she has never told anyone,so she told me. He is the one who she went to about problems at work and with friends. She was also asking information about his speciality that she needed to know. I found out months later that they had met but weren't dating. I knew one of two things, either she was not interested in him as a date or he was married so I checked. She knew!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I thought I would die. How could she be so smart and so DUMB. Now, after reading MB, I realize that the penpal game was the hook. I still don't believe he has not done this before. Another clue, he has high turnover in his office, his speciality never has high turnover unless the Doc has boundry problems. At the least, I believe he has had dry runs at affairs. YES, my D is guliable or cought in what she thought would be a fun game. So sorry , thanks for your response. <P>------------------<BR>Marry

Marry?<P> Go to the Emotional Needs and see if that is your D post. It sounds just like your D?? That is why I am asking so many questions??<P> The Post says. Something about marrying a man with children? I will go over to the emotional needs and bring it to the top for you. <BR><P>------------------<BR>Deb

bnbsdbg-------------We must be on at the same time as I ansewered before you posted. She is 25 now and just started a new job that will not make her so easy to get to however, I don't think he plans on stoping contact. I say this because she said one time that he had no impetus to stop(his wife knows). That it would have to be D. I can only do so much because so far everything we have done has flown back in our faces. I have the written information to get him x-commucated from his church where he is a bishop. At this time we cannot use this because we are doing so well with our D and I truely think she wants to move on. I'm not sure how it is going, but I would bet my life that he is still involved somehow. Thanks so much, I know that you are going through HELL, I have read your posts for a long time now, yet you take the time to talk to me. Really kind!

I did as you suggested and read the link in EN. This is not her---I hope! I don't believe that she has met his childern 4boys and I hope they aren't talking marriage. Her parents have been married 30yrs. She could have changed the story-----I do hope that is not her-----it is a study in what one wants to believe. Can't be her.

It's funny but I've talk to two different OPs and they have both said the same thing..."he really does love you and he will never leave you"...great...but he's still out there.<P>OP are not the problem...the WS is...so don't worry about what OP has to say...if everything was perfect they would have no reason to rattle your cage. Concentrate on the real problem.<P>Faye