I don't even know where to begin. I truly know now that my H has severe psychological problems and I can't help him. He has to hit bottom real hard and mabe Plan B would push that along.<P>For those who know my story, my H is the jWS and Has had an EA?PA and "ended it in Early FeB" and just come to find out that he was spending time with another woman starting Dec and now is moving in with her. So my h has had 2 affairs in less than a year. He is also the father of 3 small kids. 5,3,2. <P>I was reading Clarities post and it was interesting how he put it " I did the RIGHT thing. And someone else wrote that the affair is filling up needs. What the hell is my H doing with these other woman and bringing my kids along for the ride. the only thing that I can truly see is that he is looking for his mommmy and the poor females he finds "helps" him with his kids because his wife is such an awful thing to live with. This A is not going to work either and it pains me that he can't see what he is doing to his kids. He thinks he is putting the kids first.<P>Oh what a sick man.<P>Hopelessmom

Remember the song: Lookin' for love in all the wrong places?<P>Sounds like a true WS song. A fruitles effort to find what they already have? Why do they do this? <P>Looking for a reasonable explanation? Probably won't find one since they are not in a reasoning state of mind. So we should expend the effort? I think we need to choose carefully where we use our time and energy. <P>That sometimes is hard to decide. I am getting better at it though. It is a part of respecting ourselves. My time and energy is important to me. I don't want anyone to wear me out uneccessarily. <P>Your kids will see what you H is really like. Don't fret, you can't make him look better than he is. Let that be his responsibility. <P>Yes, it is easy for others to say that you need to take bold steps and keep yourself strong. It is hard to implement those actions. Here many have been down the path you are traveling. Together we will help each other along. <P>Too bad our spouses can't meet and compare the notes we have been comparing. Oh, maybe that's bad, they might teach other more bad habits. Ok, well let's just learn how to handle them smarter. <P>Oh, oh, having these 3rd party conversations. Hope you all out there aren't thinking that I am losing my marbles. Just thinking out loud. <P>L.

I'm afraid you a probably right about your H's emotional problems. He sounds so similar to my WS. The first OW was "his soulmate"...but she wanted a commitment and he was just after some fun...the second OW settled for anything she could get and he played around on her. What these poor souls are looking for is something they can't find because it's inside themselves. <P>Hitting bottom...yes...but it can take a long time, because there are always OW out there eager to take WS on for some period of time...and he may bounce from relationship to relationship...looking for what he can't find. <P>I'm a firm believer in MB principles...if you can follow a good Plan A and then proceed to Plan B if Plan A fails to bring good results. Although Plan B is impossible for me, I believe that it might give good results if it is used properly...so don't be afraid to use it.<P><BR>All of our situations are similar in some ways and different in others...your WS may see the "light" in a few days, weeks or months...while others may never see the 'light' and continue to walk around in the dark for sometime. The only limit to your participation in this struggle is how long you can endure the emptiness in your own life, how much of the roller-coaster ride you can endure or if you can stand to see your WS suffer for his own good (even if it is of his own making). <P>If you have seen "The Mexican" then you perhaps you will agree that the answer is "forever".<P><BR>Faye<P>