Hey Gang,<P>Just wondering....if you knew then what you know now about marriage, how to make it work, what not to do, what to avoid, and could to it all over again....what are the top (10) things you would look for in choosing to marry someone?<P>I haven't come up with my complete list yet, so I'll have to post more later...<P>Aloha,<BR>Mrs.O<P>

I do love my H dearly, but if I knew then what I know now, I really don't think I would get married.<P>Top 10<BR>1. Faithfulness<BR>2. Honesty<BR>3. Trustworthy<BR>4. A genuin loving heart<BR>5. A virgin<BR>6-10. repeat 1st 5.<P>Funny I was looking for this and THOUGHT I found him (except #5). Just fooled I guess.

A good question, but I don't really think that I would have chosen any differently even if I knew then what I know now. My WS was a good man...honest...dependable...caring...good father...intelligent...good provider...trustworthy and faithful for 20 years.<P>I only would have added one characteristic that I never knew he lacked...self esteem...the lack of which wore him down over the years and left him with no sense of himself and his worth...and left him vunerable to an affair.<P>Now I know what he is missing...and I pray that he will one day let me help him to see himself through my eyes.<P><BR>Faye <P><BR>

Well, since I've been divorced, I guess I need to think about these things again!<P>In no particular order:<P>1: Someone who is comfortable with their looks. I can't tell you how frustrating it is to have a wife with 15 percent body fat spending every spare moment in front of the mirror saying things like "I think I gained a pound...I feel fat!"<P>2: Someone whose parents have remained married. I believe that when parents divorce, it effectively makes divorce an acceptable option for their children. In my family, divorce was taboo...you made it work no matter what. The thought of divorce was totally alien to me. On the other hand, my X's family is littered with divorces. Guess who filed? I believe we learn by example.<P>3: Respect. I tried hard to appreciate my X's tastes. I would sit down and watch her soap operas with her, go to her slasher horror movies, and stay up nights watching old 70's sitcoms that I never cared for when they were new. Watching the same reruns over and over again made her happy, so I was more than happy to oblige. Yet when I would turn on the Sci-Fi Channel or PBS, she'd leave the room. When I would suggest an art film or some obscure documentary film, she would tell me to go on my own. <P>I'd like someone who respects my tastes, even if she does not share them.<P>4: Similar religious beliefs. No, let me amend that...someone who respects a different religious point of veiw. I say that because my X never respected my spirituality. At times, she ridiculed my beliefs. Yet despite what Dr. Laura says, conflicting faiths can work together. Some close family friends of mine have made a Jewish/Catholic marriage work for 40 years...how? With mutual respect.<P>5: Financial independence. If I go looking in my own age group (mid 30's), I would hope I'd find someone who has their finances in order! I figure if you've gotten to this age and you can't manage your money yet...<P>6: No implants, no fake hair color, and not too many tatoos!<P>7: Non-smoker. If I marry someone, I'd rather not see them die like my grandmother, my aunt, and my dad's business partner. No offense to the smokers out there, but I've seen enough lung cancer for one lifetime.<P>8: She's gotta be a dog person. Not that I don't like cats...I've had 5 cats in my life, but my current dog doesn't care for cats that much, and she's young, so she'll be with me well into my forties. If you can't deal with my dog sharing the bed, you're outta here!<P>9: I really think I need someone my own age. I work with a number of single women who have no recollection of the 70's, vinyl records, or the simple joys of Pong. As much as I'd like a 23 year old with perfect skin, I'd never be able to relate.<P>10: Okay, a little guilty pleasure here...I gotta admit I want someone who shops at Victoria's Secret on a regular basis. I mean someone who actually wears that stuff...my X would buy all kinds of interesting things there and then go to bed in an oversized t-shirt...what gives?

If I knew then what I know now, I'd probably stay single. I thought I married the man of my dreams, but now I know that that man will never exist.

Mostly I ditto CJack with the following amendments..<P>5. Financial Stabilty. Not that the guy has to make huge $$$ but I hate being in debt especially credit card debt. And I like having a savings account with something in it!!<P>6. Even no hair is fine, Bald can be very sexy.<P>10. Someone who appreciates the fact that I shop at VS and actually wear the stuff. <P>And I need to add one more<P>11. Someone who likes to enjoy food. Someone who has an adventerous palette. I love to cook and love to cook for others. Brings me great pleasure to see someone enjoy something I have pepared. <P>

ooops and one more.....<P>Someone who likes to discuss current affairs, or daily events, who respects my opinion even though it may differ from theirs. I like a good debate every now and then.

It would have to be the W I fell in with the one who completes me. The one I may have hurt beyond repair.<BR>She is evrything that i always hoped and prayed for in a mate.

.<p>[This message has been edited by Rodger (edited May 01, 2001).]