I strongly feel that spending time together is important for us, but lately my H has been working 80+ hour weeks. He works Monday through Friday, leaving the house at 5:00 am and gets home around 11:00 pm at night. We still try to have lunch together every day (although he only gets a half hour for lunch), but I'm asleep when he leaves and when he comes home. He literally only sees his son now on the weekends, and I don't want him to have to give up quality time with the baby. But the two of us spending time together on our own has helped us so much in the past.<P>I have a ton of other activities going on in my life too (wrestling, softball, kickboxing, and writing my novel), but of course my marriage is my number one priority. It's almost as if my H and I have to make appointments with each other if we want to spend quality time together. <P>Besides winning the Lotto , what solutions are there to this type of situation?

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>It's almost as if my H and I have to make appointments with each other if we want to spend quality time together. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Make appointments...and keep them. When you have very little time, it is doubly important that you set aside couple time & make it sacred.<P>My H travels a lot, so in addition to planning time together in advance, we send each other emails, leave notes, etc. Anything to reach out & remind the other we love him/her...<P>

My H travels a lot too. One thing that has helped a little is a new cell phone with lots of minutes so we can touch base frequently during the day, no matter where he is.

C_B,<BR>What does your H do? I find it hard to believe that he "has" to work 80 hrs/wk.<P>I think this would lead to someone having an affair. You because you are lonely or him because he is never with you.<BR>If not an affair, then surely early death. I can' imagine he feels like doing much on the weekends. I can imagine you building up a lot of resentment for all the things you have to do own your own.<P> I know this probably isn't the best time to be looking for another job, but you two need to make some life changes. Look to cutting expenses if it is a financial reason he is working so much. Move to a cheaper area, buy a smaller house, get rid of a car or two, what ever it might take.<P>If he is a workacholic, then I don't know what you can do. MAybe some counseling.

CB, <P>On sudany try scheduling time together throughout the week and put it on the calender. The Harley's recommend 15 hours a week. My H is working most of the time also. It defintely makes a difference in the quality of our relationship in the amount of time we spend together.<P>cleo

Plan romantic evenings around the house after baby is asleep - have a picnic in the livingroom - or in bed. Rent movies together, take moonlight drives in the country (baby should sleep in car seat). These ways he can spend the day with baby and evening with mom.<P>I always make big breakfast on Sunday morning - he loves bacon and eggs etc - make new little traditions so you know what you have to look forward to. <P>Ensure that date night are arranged for one evening a month or something.<P>Commitment is the big thing, if you want to make it work you can - I don't believe others that say someone will have an affair if you are apart to much - someone can have an affair if you are together every night and still taking each other for granted. It is not the amount of time it is the quality of the time.<P>Good luck

CB, I really believe that a HUGE part of the break down of my marriage was our opposing work schedules. He worked evenings and weekends and I worked weekdays... We never had an entire day to do anything together, just a few hours here and there. He began to resent that he never had any of his time off to do anything he wanted to do - and, suffering from depression, I wasn't ... capable? ... of wanting to do anything much at all. He felt smothered because I became so possessive of the hours that we could do anything. Granted, married people SHOULD spend that time together, but if we had had the opportunity to schedule "us" time and "he" and "I" separate time, we might still be together instead of on the way to a much more permanent schedule of separate time.<P>Think about it, CB. The marriage has to be HIS first priority right now, too. Both of you have some choices to make... Please choose each other. If you are happily married, your child will be happy, too.<P>------------------<BR>terri<BR><B>Courage</B><P>Whatever course you decide upon,<BR>there is always someone to tell you<BR>that you are wrong.<P>There are always difficulties arising<BR>which tempt you to believe that your <BR>critics are right.<P>To map out a course of action <BR>and follow it to an end <BR>requires courage.<P><I>Ralph Waldo Emerson</I>

Well, I haven't seen my H for almost five weeks as he is out of town!! So, we talk everyday, I send him email cards, and we have "intimate" time together on the phone. We are both almost at the end of our ropes tho - the time apart is just too long.

<P> And that is exactly how my H A began. He was gone all the time. Then a 6 weeks straight job away from home. Bingo new woman. At the job site.<P>------------------<BR>Deb

My H and I rarely saw each other--that's how the A started. In a couple of weeks it will stop--he is quitting his second job...Thank God--It almost destroyed us- A or not--it almost ruined our marriage...It almost killed him. Is the income worth the marriage? Not in mine--We were trying to get out of credit card debt--Now, we want to save our marriage..So what if it would take another year....just as long as we are together to be in that year....<BR>It was like we put a price on our marriage...And believe me my marriage is worth a lot more than our debt.<BR>We answered a question last night together--what am I willing to do to be more intimate with you--<BR>H- quit teaching at the university...spend more time at home.<BR>Me- do all housework when he isn't here-chores, finances...<BR>quit smoking- it takes away from my being with him.<BR>stay off the computer when he is home.<BR>All shopping will be done together- grocery, clothes, etc.<BR>Last week I packed up the kids and we all went out to lunch on his lunch break....Sometimes, you can't do everything without the kids...But you can still be together..He loved it. and missed it--We hadn't done that in a long time.<BR>I, personally, am giving up any "me" time when there is time for us-- no computer, no reading...anything that is isolating myself from him...No more of the silent content moments--I don't want that ---I don't feel we are intimate and growing by just being in the same room doing different things. <BR>With him not working we won't have to worry about going out just the 2 of us--by taking away from what little time he had to be with our kids.<BR>How did he find the time to have an A--it was all in the work environment- e-mails, phone, with a few moments I hate him for--took away from his kids...NO more--<BR>We don't need the money at the expense of our marriage and our children's development--which divorce would effect.<BR>So, I really don't know what to do about not having time...E-mail and phone calls, letters...One thing I learned from the ow--she always e-mailed and called--many times a day to let my H never forget her for a minute--always there, always saying she was there- telling him to come to her...always making sure she was in the front of his mind...Yes, she had too much time on her had...Little college student with no worries in the world-- So, make sure your always in the front of his mind. I guess that is the best I could suggest.