Well, I realize from the "fat" thread that my time here has come to an end. My main reason for being here has been to offer hope and advice to others from the position of someone whose marriage was in a really bad place and has been in successful recovery for 2 years now. When my H and I were separated I had so many people help me with their experiences I wanted to do the same. The one thing I still struggle with is my feelings toward the OW. Her actions towards me after the A was over definitely left a lasting anger. It's not something I usually think about over the course of my day but when I come to the forum and see other people struggling with the same thing I can definitely relate and yes, often can't resist chiming in. Some people need to forgive the OP to get on with their lives and heal their marriages. That is all well and good. I don't. Unless I'm on a board it doesn't affect me, my life or my marriage in any way. I am certainly not going to add stress to my life by trying to force myself to forgive her for the things she did to me. That would entail thinking about her all the time and I'm certainly not going to do that. If it happens, it happens. I really don't care either way. Passive dislike is much easier than trying to force forgiveness and it takes a lot less time and effort on my part. The A has already taken enough from me.<P>This always seemed to be a safe environment for the BS to express whatever feelings and frustrations they had without having to censor anything. I realize now that this is not the case. I have enjoyed coming here and hopefully helping others and it has also been nice to be able to say whatever I wanted to. Now that I realize I am expected to mind my Ps and Qs I just don't feel comfortable anymore.<P>I hope I have been able to offer some advice and perspective from my own experiences, and maybe some hope too, to some of you. Even my best friends were telling me to give up on my marriage, things were REALLY bad. But I didn't, and in the last 2 years we have built something new and really wonderful. So don't give up until you feel that you are ready. Sometimes it really is darkest just before the dawn. Best wishes to all of you and I hope everything works out for the best. I'm sure there will be lots of success stories.

fairdust,<P>Sorry that you don't feel this is a safe place to be anymore. I think the BS should be able bash the OP as much as want or need to do so. Most post that do this are labeled so that any WS on here would not go there if post like those bother them. I always think that the WS that are here are different they want their marriage, so while I hate the OW in my life I admire & respect the WS that come here for comfort, encouragement, etc.<P>Thanks for sharing your story of hope. Hope is about all I have left now, it has been over 2 yrs & my H still feels that the OW is the best think that ever happen to him.<P>Thanks again, & I am sorry to see you go, please come back & visit.<BR>

<B>fairydust -</B>I'm sorry if my comments on that thread are driving you away. Nothing was meant personally and no one is forcing you away from your feelings and opinions. Discourse like we had there is healthy. For you to leave under these circumstances is like saying "Well, pardner, there's only room for one opinion in this town, so I'll take my ball and go home". I would encourage you NOT to do that. People here need to hear <I>everyone's</I> opinions and thoughts to help guide them into making up their own minds.<P>You are entitled to feel however you want about OW. You have said that and I agree. But, I have the right to feel the way I do about holding WS innocent and bashing OP. However, what you are doing here is saying it has to be one way or the other. Please reconsider your decision. You, your perspective and your story are extremely valuable here...

Just because "some" of us don't like the name-calling doesn't mean that the majority don't -- and I suspect that the "few" who posted on my thread are just that -- the FEW --<P>I, and others who feel like I do, just need to stay away from posts that do that.<P>I would like to say AGAIN though, that saying things like "Was that an earthquake? No, just OW walking by" will ALWAYS hurt people who are overweight. That's just the way it goes. <P>See, Fairydust, your leaving does just the opposite of what you're espousing -- you DO have a right to your feelings, and leaving only takes away one voice that would stand up and say it!<P>I will do my best to stay away from OP posts -- and you vent away -- <P>...my only tiny piece of advice is this (and take this as you will): the looks of the OP (fat, thin or otherwise) is superficial and has nothing to do with "what" she did to you after the affair. Look at the ugliness of the person "inside" and skip the outer appearance... it doesn't matter anyhow. <P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<BR>(a bit worse for the wear, but hanging in there)<P><B>Life <I>is</I> difficult</B>.<BR><I>The Road Less Traveled</I><BR>~M. Scott Peck

Fairydust,<P>You have helped out so much these past months its really hard for me to see you go. I was bashed just as much as you and it hurt me also-I admit I am shy to respond to people now for fear of some people attacking me now. Its hard to get the OW out of your head-I know this-mine lives just down the street. Please check in from time to time-you give me hope and insperation!!!! God Bless!!

You have helped me,too, and my H. We will miss you...and I'm not forgiving her either,just for the record! Don't want to and Don't need to. I hope you change your mind about leaving...