We are starting week #5 of no contact. I have not asked him if he has had contact with her since he mailed the letter. In his previous attempts I asked him all the time. This time I decided that the last times didnt work and to do something different. He is complying with the other no contact requirements, ie. change of cell phone #, spending all free time with me and kids, not checking the answering machine before I do, not deleting caller id calls, and not getting mail. He is currently unemployeed (partly due to affair) and she is working, so the only time that he could contact her would be during the day and he could see her at lunch. He does call me during the day to let me know if he is going out. He is depressed about being unemployed and I would imagine about her. When I think this through logically I say to myself, he isnt contacting her but when my creepies start, I think well he hid it from me before quite well and maybe he is hidding it again until he gets a job and then he will go to her then. She is financially unstable so there is no way that he could expect her to support him while he is unemployeed. In my previous experience, if I asked him and he was seeing her he would lie anyway, so why ask him. So logically I know that if I ask him he will consider it a lb but emotionally I need to ask him. He doesnt say that he loves me unless I tell him first, he doesnt initiate sex but never refuses he however is being more affectionate. I just need someone to tell me that I am doing the right thing and reassure me.
