Deb,<BR>Things here are still fairly calm. Wonder if this helped H to realize the enormity of the situation. The "joy" of the A seems to be diminished. Yet, the stubborn intent to continue with his summer plans remains. When I reflect on the way he has treated me through out the years (emotional neglect, disrespectful judgements) I know I don't want the "old" H or M back. <P>Hope and Pray that your new H is bringing you a brand new M. Is it working for you? Your name ... imagine it is short for something with God at the end. Am I right?

Hello,<P><BR> Yes, My real nice H is still here!! Thank god. Yes, I started as flmysex: Flimsy Excuses To: 2ndChoice<BR> to bnblsdbG: Been Blessed By GOD. See how I have progressed since NOV!! I have basicly counted my blessings before, so I guess I figured I was blessed to have my H. <P> It sounds like your H is a little down. GOOD. At least he is thinking. Try to help him think. (seeds) Like "NEW HOUSE"<P> My H was quite neglectful,also. He is a work A. He really gets involved in his projects. Like someone else on board said: His mistress. That is why I am so amazed that he had time for another person!! None for me. We spent a lot of time in conflict and withdraw. I get tired of being 2nd in his life, let alone being 2nd choice in women!! purely insulting. I told him at the time of his A, I had been waiting for years for his attention, (besides working attention) and some stranger gets it!!! It just irks ya doesn't it!?<P> But he is giving up his profession, and getting a job at home. Even working for someone else!!! Supervisor for a constuction co. I hope he takes it. Unless he doesn't want it.<P> Is your H coming out of the "fog"? As for the disrespectful judgements, tell him he is not allowed to talk to you that way. My H tried that, and boy does that get me going!!! BIG CONFLICT!! He was really bad when in the "FOG", disrespectfully Judgeing everyone. I think he got it from OW!!! One time in a restaurant, she looked around the room, and commented to my H about Detroit having a lot of working class people. My Lord is she arrogant!!!<BR>I wonder what she thought he was!!! She is shallow!!!<P> Little remarks like hers will bring them out of the "FOG" a lot sooner. Does your H and "IT" have phone contact? <P> Hugs and Prayers!!<P>------------------<BR>Deb

Thanks bnblsdbG<P>I am so pleased for you. You are definitly not second, but first class all the way. Believe it. <P>Even hard for me to reply tonight. New discoveries of "friends" that I thought were on my side. Seems their playing sides with OW, and then with me. Unaware, of my knowledge, they are. Guess, I have a conduit to OW through them. Makes me sad, but it is something I could probably use. <P>Workaholic, that's my H. When buisness slowed, what avenues did he have. An A of course! H doesn't seem to feel that we have any chance, says he won't know if he loves her until they spend summer together. Gave him the plan A speech, Love you, will wait, ... you know. I am so depressed. He asked me why I didn't think he was still , "starry eyed". Said his behavior had changed. He didn't seem to know what I was talking about. Am trying to let him go, trying not to hate him, trying to believe God will work it all out to the good. So tired of playing the game ... but know that our only hope is for me to continue to be the "good guy" and hope she continues to make me out as the enemy. <P>Thanks for keeping in touch, dear. I really need a friend. Feeling pretty weak right now. Keep me in your prayers, as I keep you and all of us who suffer the effects of an unfaithful spouse in mine. Love.<P>

<P>(((((((((((((((((wonderful-person}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<BR> Thats what you are.<P> I feel so bad for you, having to live through their "FOG" is extremely painful. I did not have this group or anyone to talk about it.. I thought I was going CRAZY, but when I found this site last Nov, it was a Godsend. <P> So you have us to talk to. At least you know "they (WS)are all the same" basicly. Same words, same actions, same pain,same stupid! Try not to listen. It would be hard I know. I listened to every little word, and took it all to heart.<P> Your H is on the fence. Can't decide. i love that part. NOT . By the time I discovered my H A, he had already decided. It was her.<P> We are now at the stage of, don't bring it up.In fact I just pretend I even remember, and act like I feel no pain anymore. But I feel the pain to my soul. So much for these damn 20 year marriages. My 1st H had A, all the time. He also drank, did drugs, was mentally and physically abusive. So I did not care what he did. I always wished someone would take him off my hands.<P> When is your H leaving? I knew when mine was, May 5,2000.<P><BR> LOTS OF HUGS AND PRAYERS!!! <P>------------------<BR>Deb

Thanks Deb, you have not only been blessed, you are a blessing. <P>Must be difficult for you to keep silent about the A. Natural curiosity mingled with the depth of pain you suffered from his rejection would keep anyone on the edge. Your H will probably never understand ... so once again, it's the BS that has to be strong. You have come a long way since Nov. Keep on looking forward. Lots of success stories here, yours may be a work in progress, key word is "progress"<P>Did you marry my first H? You described him perfectly. Of course my abnormal psychology book had a name for him. "Sociopath". What a relief to be free of that one.<P>Close again. May 4th is D's wedding. May 7th, Hs Bday(55)(can't wait until his teenage mind starts receiving the letters from AARP). May 15th, is our 14th wedding Anniversary (together 17), H says he is leaving in June. Returning in Sept. Says he will probably know whether he loves her by then. Cruel fog. H is still the typical (ME ME ME) stubborn WS. He'll eventually be the same with OW. Same attributes apply to the OW. Think its a big ego trip for both of them. Lots of phone contact, but it seems to have diminished somewhat. <P>Arogance, ha, I think they invented the term. H tells me that it is my fault I feel so much pain, because I read their emails. Typical, I guess! If I had not read so much on this site, I may have believed him. Now I am really wondering why, if, I even want him back. <P>My little chuckle for the day. H asked what accomodations I had made for the hotel (two nights for Ds out of town wedding). Told him I booked one room with two beds so he did not have to worry about my trying to compromise his values. Jerk city.<P>Deb, did you ever begin to feel that you didn't want your H back? Thanks for being here. Really great people and caring people are so refreshing.<P>Hugs, prayers, and gratitude.<P>

Hello,<P> Yes, somtimes I want to D him. I love the way they can't quite decide if its love they feel for this Op, but are so willing to ruin our marriage to find out!!! Total disregard for our feelings,and us. Really hard to get over.If I had it to do over again, I would leave on the spot of discovery.<P> Don't be so available,like I was. Then they know they can get away with what they are doing. I think we lived parallel lives!! I let you know what comes next... I must be just one jump ahead of you! Take care of yourself..no one else will. Your H is just ruining it for himself.<P>------------------<BR>Deb

Do keep me posted. Need to know what my future holds.<BR>If all goes according to schedule, then my H will return home. (of course, by that time I may just want to throw the bum out) Then we can commiserate about the new situation. <P>Keep the faith, dear. If we could only just let go and let God do the work. HUGS!<P>BTW. Did I mention my hometown. Born and raised in, where else ... Detroit.<p>[This message has been edited by whatami (edited April 04, 2001).]

<P><BR> No, not Detroit!! City of working class. She was from Gibralter. She grew up extremely poor. You would think she would be grateful...but no..she is arrogant. She doesn't even believe in God, pity the poor in spirit....<P> Hugs and Prayers!!! Deb <P>------------------<BR>Deb

Gee, Deb ... she would be a tough one to add to your prayer list. Imagine your H would have killed the A eventually. She does't sound like a person to be admired. Sounds like she's a working girl. Working to advance through other women's husbands. <P>When my H and OW got together, she supposedly had millions and my H was expecting a couple himself through some property deal. Update, the money is her common law Hs, (which she loves to spend) she has nothing ... Property deal fell through. Of course, "it was never the money, only their feelings for each other, and (per OW) love is all they need." Give me a break!<P>Hugs, prayers and love.

Hello,<P> TOOOO bad she won't be getting rich off you and your H business ventures!! How old is she?? How was your H attitude after the deal feel through? Was she disappointed.<BR> I hope so.<P> I guess I could pray for my H EXOW. <P> I will pray for you! <P>------------------<BR>Deb

Thanks for the prayers. They are really needed.<P>Property deal was Hs inheritance thing, a corner on a main hwy with potential. Needed the right corp. at the right time. Corp. could not see through the elevation problems. BUT, what is mine is his and what's his is mine. (new transalation, mine is his , his is his.) <P>The OW is about 52 (highschool sweetheart), however she is not with the menopause thing. That is another issue that H and I have been dealing with. Very disconcerting. [Be prepared dear, hormones are very upsetting in these times.] <P>Was he upset? Actually told ME it was very upsetting. OW of course came to the rescue with, "The money doesn't matter, we have love." I know she's not for real, you know she's not for real, but to H, she's a goddess.<P>I think you must feel very confident in your new life to be contributing so much to others. <P>God bless you and your H. So much good to look FORWARD to.

Hi,<P> Funny thing about those hormones, I am in perimenopause.<BR>I call it mental pause!! I am also a big "fan" of PMS!! Yuck<P> Men also have mental pause, and yours is having one right now!!<P> Funny thing about old high school sweathearts, you can't go back!!! I tried that after my 1st H died. My first love. Lasted about 3 months. but then he wasn't out of the state. Ha ha. Never the same as the first time around, and boy is there some time between your H high school days and now. I was 28 at the time. If my H and I got a D, I would not! look up old flames from High School. Been there did that!!<P>------------------<BR>Deb