Here's the latest. D-Day was 5-6 weeks ago and he is still seeing her and says he dosn't want to stop right now. He does seem to be thinking more clearly these days though. We have had some deep conversations reference our situation. He sometimes talks and acts like he wants his family but then he feels some sense of "obligation to her". I think he feels that breaking it off now would really hurt her and he doesn't want to hurt her. I know this is part of the fog, but is it a good sign that he sometimes breaks free from it? He says he feels numb right now and hates the word love - feels that it is a cheap word. OW has had 3 failed relationships in the past and he doesn't want to be responsible for the 4th. Said last night that I guess she is in love or some S***. Sounds like he really isn't and is in over his head and doesn't know how or when to break it off. Said he will get promoted (he is military) and will have to move. Maybe he figures moving will be his excuse to leave both of us and maybe get his head on straight in order to make a decision. Only, the move won't be for about 1 year from now. I asked him how long he thought he this was going to go on (seeing her and still living at home) and he put the question back to me. I said 1 year was too long and probably couldn't keep this up that long and it wasn't fair to all parties involved to expect that. After that then he said he wanted to move out but didn't talk about any time frame. Money problems prevent that right now. So I feel like I'm between a rock and a hard spot and he is taking advantage of it - he says he understands but that isn't really true. Anyone's point of view on this would be appreciated.<P>PS. He has visited this website a few times and said he understands the no contact thing but it is easier said than done. He will probably see this and be mad. Oh, well!<P>Should I continue to Plan A or send him packing? <P>Darlene

Darlene - do you want your marriage or do you want to send it packing? You are far ahead of many of us on this forum if your H is being sincere with you. Plan A, Plan A, Plan A. Get into counseling. He's still in withdrawal maybe and you need to deposit those love units while he's coming out of the fog.<P>Good luck.<P>WAT

Darlene-<BR>Read some of my recent posts. . I was (am?) in a similar situation, except it's getting much better now. He was "torn" for a while about breaking it off with OW. . he would talk to me about how she didn't even know him, etc., etc. But it took him a while to actually be done with her completely. He did it in his own time, w/out much pushing from me. I was just there for him when he would let me.<P>Just Plan A your little heart out, OW will take care of herself, I know mine LB'd herself right out of the picture!<P>Hang in there!

Hi Darlene:<P>I see some good signs in how your WS is reacting....just don't expect too much too soon....he really is pretty much on schedule with the affair coming to an end within 6 months of D(iscovery).<P>You need to just lower your expectations, concentrate on your Plan A and see what develops. I can say this knowing how hard it is because I been there. And, in a way, concentrating on yourself lessens the implact of the affair on you. You can get too rapped up in what is happening with WS and OP....so rapped up that you lose your perspective about yourself and how important and wonderful you really are. <P>Take this time to work on yourself and give some thought to what went wrong with your marriage. There are a world of ideas and tools on this site to help...along with a bunch of really great people who would like to help you through this as others have help them.<P><BR>Faye.<BR>

Thanks for your replies, they made me feel better about things. <P>Bitsy - really glad that your situation is improving. Hope it continues. Good luck. I did read some of your previous posts, but couldn't tell how it all went for you - like from D-day to when he told you he wanted the marriage. <P>Worthatry - yes, I want my marriage, so will continue with business as usual. Thanks for the advice.<P>Buffy - yes, I know I must lower my expectations, especially with the time lines, I suppose. When he said 1 year, I about flipped (in my mind only - didn't let him see it). We'll see.<P><BR>Please check my most recent post and respond. I did ask him about the stamps and it didn't go well. He laughed at me and I felt hurt. But, I thought about it afterward and decided it probably was stupid because what does it matter - he talks to her daily and sees her 2-3x a week, what would letters matter. But then I wondered if he my be staying in contact with others from the past. When i got home from work we briefly talked and he said "no" there wasn't anyone else except OW. He was a bit cold on the phone (he still calls me at 2-3x a day to coordinate, etc) but seems better tonight. I'd love to see some responses to the "New Chapter" post. <P>Thanks again for the replies - they really helped alot.<P>Darlene<BR>