...I go away for a week to stay at our cabin alone, and except for one night when I cry while writing a lovebusting letter to my H about how I feel about our marriage (tore it up afterward), I don't even miss him? In fact, I was pretty doggone content there, all alone.<P>I didn't really want to even go home, but when I got home, H was really sweet, had a delicious meal fixed, and we had such outstanding sex that, right in the middle of it, I gasped, "Maybe I should go away for a week more often!" (He laughed!) <P>I just wonder if it all means that I can take him or leave him.

I went away for 5 days about 32.5 months into recovery and seriously considered staying in California(live in NY state). But it the best thing I could have done,fog lifted. Due to online contact with OW but still HE SAW HER for the pathetic needy thing she is. FINALLY and I was eventually glad I came home. You will be,too. I didn't think I missed him til I actaully came home.

Lady C,<P>I think that it just means you needed alone time. All people have a need for it, but at differnet levels. Have you ever had a vacation or business travel by yourself before? It can be refreshing in moderation.<P>The question is, how do you feel now? Any better?<P>All the best to you. --HBC

Hi, HBC,<P> Yes, I did need time away...by myself. I've only been on a couple of trips alone in my life. The first was almost 4 years ago, and I've been thinking that our marriage really started going downhill then. Maybe that was when H first connected with CW...who knows?<P> Basically, though, I've always been a person who needs a lot of "alone time"....perhaps because I was a late baby, born years after my four siblings; and, since we lived in the country and Mom didn't drive, I pretty much had to entertain myself.<P> I also think that because my H seems to be a "high-maintenance" man....very demanding, maybe I do just need a break from that. I never used to mind his going off to hunting camps for the weekends, because that was my "alone time."<P> Then, on top of that, I guess I just don't love him the same way I used to. Although I believe he is being faithful now (despite his little trips up to CW's business )I still don't trust that he will never cheat again. I still get angry over the lies and his unwillingness to talk to me about all this.<P> I still love him (since he can still make me "melt"), but I'm just really getting burned out on Plan A. I'm thinking that I've gotten faster and better results when I've thrown a good hissy fit. It's been a really long time since I threw one, so maybe one is overdue?<P> I was all ready to do a major confrontation with him this morning, as I caught him at CW's business. He's lucky that she wasn't there, but I'm still bothered that he went there, because she COULD have been (and usually is) there at that time. Anyway, I think that I'm about to tell him that going up there is totally unacceptable to me, even if she DOES have another BF.<P> I'm just tired, and thinking (off and on) that living alone might be pretty nice for me.<BR>LC