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Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 37
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Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 37 |
Update! Talked last night and told me there had been other "situations" in the past. Wouldn't tell me who, how many or any other details. Said he wasn't going to back there. I told him I felt it was important to deal with the past so that we could move forward. His response - If not going back there means the end of our marriage then it's over because he wasn't going to dredge up the past - just leave it there. Then he said that was pretty "hrash" and he had to take it back - that he didn't mean that. <BR>Another thing, he just recently started buying stamps - never did that before. Wonder if he is writing to most recent OW or somebody in the past. Brought home a red stuffed elephant & gave it to our son (seems rather close ot Valentines Day too). Siad he bought it for him. I don't believe him. All this really makes me wonder if I really want this marriage to work. I will never know if he is capable or willing to be truthful/faithful to me again. He said he admits he "had" a weakness in the past but he "is good" now. I asked him what happened or why he felt he was "okay" now. Then he said he didn't want to talk anymore. What to make of all this?!?!?!?! I am rather discouraged and am finding it really hard to Plan A - be nice, supportive, etc. I don't feel much like cuddling with him like I did before. I'm afraid he will sense my feelings and figure now she doesn't want to work it out anymore. And all this in the midst of him still seeing OW. Aaauuuughghghghghghghgh!!!! Opinions and help, please!!!!<P>Darlene<BR>
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Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 661
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Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 661 |
smith,<P>I do not have a lot of good insight into your situation, but I wanted to bring it to the top of the board so that others might see it again and offer suggestions.<P>It is so hard to respond to the WSs at times. I think it is good, thgough, that he is telling you about past occurances. It is the beginning of honesty.<P>Is there any chance you could get him to read His Needs/Her Needs?<P>All the best to you. I hope some other people have good answers for you.<P>--HBC
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Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 661
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Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 661 |
Am I the only one who sees the pain in this woman's post?<P>Darlene,<P>You need to slow down. Take a deep breath.<P>How long ago did you find out about your husband's affair?<P>Sometimes it is easy to read things into Everything our WSs do after you find out. I know I am guilty of the "I'm not going to be caught blind again" feelings!<P>I would suggest that before you confront your husband again you take a look at the Basic Concepts portion of this site and read "After The Affair" by Dr. Harley. Reading those things can give you some insight into what may be going on in your husband's head right now, and may help you to deal with it.<P>I hope that things go better for you.<P>All the best. <P>--HBC
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Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 407
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Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 407 |
I too have been feeling as you do. I'm wondering if it's worth it right now. But I'm following my mother's advise-If you're not feeling sure if you should do something then don't do it! It's better to wait and feel more positive before you act. Right now I feel like just filing for D but I won't as I expect this will pass.
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 17,837
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 17,837 |
Dear Darlene,<P>My H did similar. I learned about EA/PA A first then the 1-nighters later. I kept asking is that all? <P>I learned that I could not pull out all I wanted when I wanted. This was not a computer or book I was dealing with. I could not read at my own speed. H was going to tell me as he could. <P>If your H is talking to you, give him his time and place. If he is being open with you, it will come. It may be painful for him to recall also. Sharing it with you may cause him even greater pain. <P>Slow down a bit for now. Use that energy you have to build up your support area. You will need it. Read and study to prepare for what may be ahead. Learn how to learn about your needs and your h's needs. Learn how to meet your h's needs. <P>Have you reviewed the questionnaires on this site? Good stuff, very revealing. Would H be willing to participate? If yes, that is a positive sign. <P>I will let you digest all this for now and check back later. <P>Take Care,<BR>L.<P>
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Joined: Aug 1999
Posts: 6,107
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Joined: Aug 1999
Posts: 6,107 |
Oh Darlene, I sure hope you're still around reading!!<P>I know how it feels to be told there have been "others"... and that's while dealing with the NOW!!<P>Everything you're feeling is NORMAL...<P>...yet, the concepts here can HELP you to find the love that's been lost with your H. Are you still willing to try some things to see if you can help to repair the marriage???<P>Please let us know if you're still here.<P>We want to help!! Sorry it took so long to reply. ![[Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]](http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/frown.gif) <P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<BR>(a bit worse for the wear, but hanging in there)<P><B>Life <I>is</I> difficult</B>.<BR><I>The Road Less Traveled</I><BR>~M. Scott Peck
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