Deleted...<p>[This message has been edited by LostNco (edited April 14, 2001).]

This question comes up a lot and I don't think there's ever been consensus on this board. I'm a guy and was contacted by OM's wife. I'm glad she did it, but we were already close friends. I think it depends on a number of variables, but I would want to know, and I've been there, and I'm glad I was told. That said, I would have found out anyway and it certainly didn't make it end sooner.<P>WAT

OW's H called me--that's how I found out. I did not know them. I am so thankful that he called. I think that did help to end it. It at least brings it out in the open, he won't make a decision before then. If OW's H does not know yet, he does deserve to know.

Deleted...<p>[This message has been edited by LostNco (edited April 14, 2001).]

OK, DSN - first see NSR's post "General Welcome for All New MBers" on the "Just Found Out" section of the infidelity forum. It has links to the Plan A/B information. Buy the books, "His Needs/Her Needs" and "Surviving An Affair" by the Harleys. Buy some other books on infidelity - there are quite a few in bookstores and online sellers like Amazon.com. When you feel like you've got the basics, read Private Lies by Pittman.<P>You can start Plan A now, independently of calling anybody. The first person you should call is the nice voice at MB who will make an appointment for you with Steve Harley. He'll get you started with professional advice. Forget about calling anybody involved until you get your feet on the ground through your reading and through talking with Steve.<P>For now, consider maintaining the status quo with your H until you educate yourself. DO NOT accuse him or make judgements about his behavior. DO NOT make him mad about anything. DO examine your past relationship with your H to identify the things you didn't do right - then fix them and demonstrate to your H that you have changed. This is the essence of Plan A.<P>As you read and learn, come back to us with questions.<P>WAT

Well the opinions of some on the board is that if you tell OW's H that is a LOVEBUSTER and not a good form of PLAN A. (I personally would say something, but if you do, don't take the chickens($% way and send an anonymous letter. Affairs are already deceitful and secretive, don't continue it by sending an anonymous letter, not only that but OW can easily say it is someone playing a LATE APRIL FOOLS JOKE) Plan A is basically meeting everyone of your H's needs. Making him see that a life without you would be missed. And making it desirable for him to want to stay and leave the affair.

For now I would not tell anyone but OW's H. Call him personally. If he is also suspicious, you can compare notes and help each other. I would not call his family. When my H begged me to forgive him, I had HIM call his mother and tell her what he did--that cleared the fog real quick. It would probably be a super huge LB for you to call his family.