Your comment on OOOO's post sounds like trouble. What clicked? <P>WAT

Oh good I am not the only nosey one. Thanks Dave for asking. AAG are you doing alright?

<p>[ January 09, 2002: Message edited by: OffOnOnOff ]</p>

Hi all,<P>Thanks for asking about me. sing, no need to worry about being too nosey . I always appreciate the thoughts/concerns.<P>I'm doing just fine in my Plan B, although I am not keeping it pure in the strictest sense of the word. I do call to say goodnight to the kids every night when they are at the W's house (like they are this week), and I assume that she will call my house when they're with me. But I do limit these conversations to "Hi, how are you, I'm calling to say goodnight to the kids...". No LB's, no meeting of EN's, no yacking.<P>She did tell me on Sunday that she read my Plan B letter, and (are you ready for this?) is preparing a response . That's not in the SAA book, so I'll need to figure out how to deal with it, if at all. I suspect I know verbatim what her letter will say: "the OM was not the problem, I was just not in love with you, we tried everything, I didn't feel any better, so I had to leave". This is the story she is telling everyone, and amazingly, everyone buys it. Of course she neglects to tell them the part about her affair, she just tells them she wasn't happy, and they nod approvingly, as if I was beating her or yelling at her . Idiots.<P>Anyway, Plan B or not, I have no intention of buying into her fairy tale, and I think if I don't respond, she'll view it as tacit approval. So I do plan to respond, but of course in a very non-educating manner. The way I look at it, she did try the therapy, but she refused to follow the "prescription" for recovery (i.e. lose contact with OM), so she never gave it a fighting chance.<P>Regarding my Plan D comment, it wasn't anything that came from my W. Rather, I was driving home yesterday, and for some reason it hit me that my W is a goner, that my kids' innocence has already been shattered since we now live apart, and that I am still suffering from the limbo. And it dawned on me that if we were to finish the paperwork (keep in mind that it's all been filed, and is just awaiting one of us to give the green light to go to Judgement), I would feel a great sense of relief. This wouldn't be to "punish" her, or to scare her, or whatever. This would be only for me and my sanity.<P>As an aside, I think that throughout the last year I've been playing the follower in this whole mess, and she probably expects that to continue. If nothing else, if I were to go for the D, she might get a bit of a reality check that she cannot continue to control all events around her. I dunno. I may think differently tomorrow, but right now I see a lot of positives in going for the Plan D...<P>We'll see. I'll keep you posted.<P>Thanks for your thoughts, gang!<P>AGG

<p>[ January 09, 2002: Message edited by: OffOnOnOff ]</p>

AGG: <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR> But I do limit these conversations to "Hi, how are you, I'm calling to say goodnight to the kids...". No LB's, no meeting of EN's, no yacking.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>I’d cut out the “How are you?” myself.<P>And to you, as well as OOOO... <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR> <B>the OM was not a problem, it didn’t have to be him, it could be anybody,</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE>You could reply... “yes, in the state our marriage was in at the time I agree, and I have already apologized ad infinitum for my part in making our marriage a place where that option was possible. But you can’t possibly say you have tried everything to save our marriage when you won’t try it without someone else siphoning off efforts that require 100% on both our parts”<P>Or somesuch.<P>OOOO, I also think you may have a Plan B bargaining chip... your W doesn’t want the affair to get out, no? You could negotiate with her that she move out for a trial separation (Plan B), and in return you will keep mum about the reasons, even should things not work out. Otherwise, you’ll divorce her and take out front page ads in the local newspapers to rake her over the coals. But that might be a little bit of a LoveBuster. ;P<BR><P>------------------<BR>Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die