Help!!! I'm having a really bad day. Last night he would barely talk to me at all. He got up from our bed and I asked where he was going and he said "down stairs for now, too cold out to go out to our camper, but I can't sleep here". It was like he didn't plan on sleeping in our bed anymore and I got really upset. Finally I went down stairs and asked if I could talk to him. I told him that I wanted to go back to being able to communicate again because this was really hurting me. I apologized for pressing him about his past "indescresions(SP?)" and that I wouldn't do that anymore. He said he did feel pressure to talk about the past. He said he would communicate with me, not 100% (and not that some day he wouldn't at 100%) but the way he feels right now he doesn't see it happening. Then we went back to bed. I asked if I could lay next to him for a minute and he said no. I woke up still upset this morning, stress induced intestinal stuff and in the bathroom alot. He said sit down so I can talk to you. He said I can see that when you are all upset it affect your health so I will talk to you and continue to do so, but no details about the past stuff. I said okay and promised to not press him. Before he left for work he came to our bed and had me get out of bed to hug and kiss him goodbye. I don't know what to think of it. Was the hug only out of pity for me? Maybe it doesn't matter why he did it and I should just be glad he did!?!?!? <P>I called in sick today - just couldn't bring myself to face the world. Need to go in soon though as I don't get paid if I don't go and that won't help the $ situation. <P>Another question - I'm wondering if I should tell my boss what is going on because I think they must be wondering what's up. I'm still in a probationary status and I'm afraid they may think it's the job itself that is causing my stress and therefore not keep me on. Any thoughts on that issue?<P>Some advice and insite from my fellow MB friends, please!!!<P>Darlene

Deleted...<p>[This message has been edited by LostNco (edited April 14, 2001).]

I wouldn't tell my boss about H's affairs. Yes, I would tell her the Health part but not something so private as your spouses affair. In doing that, boss may think that you are too unstable to get through your work due to relationship issues and A LOT of people frown upon that. Some believe that you should be able to seperate work from home. Not very sensitive but there are a lot of people who are BUSINESS ONLY. Just tell her that you are having health problems but about the affairs, I would not advise it.

Deleted...<p>[This message has been edited by LostNco (edited April 14, 2001).]

LostNco,<P>Does your name LostNco mean Lost NCO, as in military? Don't apologize, its okay -I'm in the same place you are often. I haven't seen any of your posts - what is your story? Someone to share all this with would really be nice because I feel so isolated. Don't feel I can share all the details anywhere but here now, in light of the most recent developments. For those you would have to check my past posts. Thanks for your reply and hope your day gets better.<P>Darlene

Deleted...<p>[This message has been edited by LostNco (edited April 14, 2001).]

Can't offer much in the way of how to. But do I understand what you are going through. These WSs are bound and dertermined to live THIER life anyway they want to get what they "think" they want.<P>When I still thought that much of our problem was intimacy I tried to get close. H couldn't do that because "I am not able to carry on more than one relationship at a time." So does his 6 month affair get canned. NO. His 17 year marriage is dispensable. Disrespect, rejection, they don't care. BTW. Those hugs ... think they are just to make them feel good, not the S. <P>I agree with many on this MB site. In the fog, there is not much you can do or say. Make yourself number 1. He is certainly making himself (and OW) the most important thing.<P>Somedays I can actually do that. Only somedays, but they come most often when I feel I have some control over MY life. I don't know about the rest of you, but it took years of my H chiping away at my self esteem (without my knowledge) before the axe fell hard. Don't exactly know how to rebuild it, but do I have a choice? <P>Good luck and hugs to you all ... been there, am there.

Dear Smith, <P>One of my places of support came from work. I work in a very stressful environment and currently hold a position in management (been in the business for over 15 years). I am required to carry a lot of responsibility. <P>However, this A was the absolutely most stressful thing that ever happened to me. I also miscarried a baby last year and then lost my H to the A. in the same year. Anyway, my boss is a good man to work for. However, his position requires lots of dedication and concentration. No room for errors in this kind of job. Anyway, I chose to tell my boss. It was hard for him to hear (I told some not all). As a man, he found my crying hard to take (I am not normally an emotional person and had been able to keep personal and business lives separate until now). As hard as I tried, I could not prevent the anxiety attacks, momments of crying and despair to go totally unnoticed at work. So I was upfront with my boss and my staff. <P>I have received great support. Work is being done. I have had a couple of days off (also been sick with the flu 3 times this year - low resistance - go figure why). Been fortunate enough to get sick more on the weekend. <P>A lot depends on you and those you work with. I happen to work with a group that I have a lot of respect for and they in turn have respect for me. Ow said she was going to ruin my reputation at work. A little hard to do, don't know for sure if she tried. If she did there are a lot of nice people here that will defend me. I know that already. <BR> <BR>Hope this experience helps you. <P>L.<P>