My W and I went to counseling yesterday. Outcome was basically we have not communicated our true feelings for a long time. My wife has grown as an individual and is not sure she needs me anymore. She says she needs someone strong (emotionally). I know that I haven't been that person in quite some time. <P>Now I need to find an apartment so that we can become strong as individuals so that we can see if we can be couple again. I want to believe this is true. My problem is my paranoia. That part of me says:<P>1) She is still communicating w/OM.<BR>2) They are making plans for him to move to our city/state<BR>3) She is only making a show with "trying" so that she won't look bas to her family<BR>4) She is trying to make me strong for when she divorces me<P><BR>Now here is where I need the help. Am I being paranoid? Should I take things at face value? The counselor believes my wife. Her family now believes my W. Everyone believes her but me. Am I wrong? I bought the book "Love must be tough". I wrote her a letter, but haven't given it to her yet.<P>My wife says that she has significantly changed as an individual over the past 2 months. Is this possible w/o external influence? Can someone really change in that short of time? <P>She did tell the counselor that she still loves me. However, she has told me on at least two occasions when we were arguing that she is not "in love" with me. <P>s&c<P>

S&C - yes, you may be paranoid, but justified. I wouldn't believe a thing she says. IMHO, do not take things at face value coming from her. Please also read Surving An Affair, by Harley, and Private Lies, by Pittman. <P>Of course she's significantly changed! She betrayed you and is living a lie. Don't be duped like the counselor and family. The "not in love with you" line is classic fog-speak. They ALL say it.<P>Please consider dumping that counselor and start up with one of the Harleys.<P>WAT

I would change counselors, but she absolutely refuses. She has told me that the only reason I want to change counselors is because I am not hearing what I want to hear.<P>What credentials should the counselor have?

What is the difference between these 'group' of persons vs you? Could it be that you live with her and know her a bit more? Is she one who can pull the wool over their eyes better than yours? <P>My H tries to convince everyone that I am the reason why he has to dissolve our marriage. When does he do this? When he is in a rage and not able to explain himself well and it is obvious he does not want to face reality or answer for his actions. "see how she treats me? it has been like this for all our married life. that's why I have to leave her." Blood vessels showing through the neck, wide eyes, blank stares and all. <P>Bottom line is, if you feel that she is not representing you correctly to others, you are probably no paranoid but may be a victim of the fog. Make sure you are being rational and fair here and stand your ground. For those being fooled remember the old adage: "You can fool some of the people some of the time but not all of the people all of the time."<P>L.<BR>