Today must be a strong day because I am thinking, You know H, You are not worth this time or energy anymore. You have no intergrity, no character, no morals or values, What the HELL DO I WANT YOU FOR. What kind of a man walks out on his family when his kids are 1.5, 2.5 and 4. This is not what I thought I married but this is what I got right now and beleive me, I don't respect him anymore. Am I losing it for him, Maybe. I want to say, "H, have a nice life. I don't want you anymore. I'm moving on. I want me a man that KNOWS what the word LOVE and COMMITMENT mean. I want me a MAN! I thank God that I am healthy, my kids are healthy, I am intelligant, funny, loving and have morals, values, integrity and character. I am a wonderful person, better than you right now. I feel sorry for you you pathetic slob. I hope the bottom is full of dog poop. Because you belong there with it.<P>I KNOW THAT I CAN MAKE IT ON MY OWN. I am WOMAN HEAR ME ROAR. LOL<P>Get out of my way you jerk.<P><BR>What do you all think of that.<P>Hopelessmom

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by hopelessmom:<BR><B>What kind of a man walks out on his family when his kids are 1.5, 2.5 and 4.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Is this a trick question? <P>That's what my wife's OM did. Twice (two wives, four kids). And she still thought he was Mr. Wonderful.<P>You *ARE* better than that. Hang in there. Your children will learn how to face (and overcome) adversity from YOU. Teach them well.<P>Bama

Deleted...<p>[This message has been edited by LostNco (edited April 14, 2001).]

Dear Hope,<P>Ok, roar. I did that. H doesn't like loud noises but the silent treatment is eating him up. So I roar with those silent whistles that only dogs can hear. Get it? <P>Been giving H his distance and now there are some tears showing. But I have been advice by some good people to lay low and play it cool. So I am heeding your advice. <P>Want to borrow my doggie whistle? Ws's are the only ones that can hear it - day or night. In there case, distance doesn't matter. Sometimes they get a little deaf if the OP's are whispering in their ear too much but it still rings in their ears. They can't get away from it. <P>You deserve a good life. The best you can for your family. That is your right. Work for that and let him catch up if he can. <P>L.<BR>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>, I am intelligant, funny, loving and have morals, values, integrity and character. I am a wonderful person, better than you right now.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>Good point hoplessmom. You know, our self-esteem takes such a battering from the way we've been treated that we lose sight of that fact. It wasn't till my wife went away to a treatment center, 5 months after dday, that it dawned on me that *I* was the strong one. I had a job that I had worked hard at. I'd built up a real good relationship with my boss over the past few years. During that time, my W had been sent to a "counselor" due to her causing problems with co-workers, had had sex with two, and also with her closest friends husband, among others. She had been demoted from her last job (this was everyone elses fault of course)<BR>Well I was sitting at home taking care of our children while she was being treated for"sexual compulsivity" when I knew that I sure would not trade places with her. I can live without the sex in parking lots, the lying, the knowledge that I'd wrecked several families.<BR>So I think you're right on hopelessmom. You are by far the better person in your marriage. Don't let his sickness drag you down!<BR>David

Hi wonderful mom<P> Maybe you should pray for him, because that is all you can really do. I had no one but GOD to help me. I even had dreams of God telling me it was my H battle and step aside.<BR>That was for real. So if you have strange dreams like that, listen to them. I just read a book called "Holding on to Heaven While your Husband goes through Hell." By Connie <BR>Neal.......It happend in my case and others here..I had to pray to Jesus that my H be released from the devils. Try Praying.... Lots of Hugs and prayers<P>------------------<BR>Deb

Ok L, maybe i don't get it. I should roar silently. Be cool, be confident, don't argue, get on with my life, see ya later buddy without saying anything?<P>H picked up kids this afternoon. I said about 5 words to him. He leaves. Calls from cell and wants to know how I got x-mas lites off house. Big Peak on garage. I say, I did it. I got me a ladder and climbed up and took them down. "You climbed on the roof" No, I used a ladder. What does it matter how I got them down, I just did it. "OH, Ok"<P>HMMMM. Don't need you to take care of me buddy boy!<P>Hopelessmom

Dear Hope,<P>You got it!!! 5 words = Big silent whistle !!! He called to ask about lights? This is important? Hmmm..... You can do things without him? Hmmm.... Something is making him think, perking up his ears, making his gray cells work. <P>Ok, you have done enough for one day. Take a rest, sit back and enjoy this momment. Ah.....<P>Have a nice evening. <BR>L.<BR>

Hey Hopeless,<BR>I am in the exact same spot as you. My W left and seems to want to spend time with the kids, but sees no problem with giving up time with them as long as "she" is happy. I have lost all respect for her. I have not said more that 5 words to her at a time in the last 3 weeks. She leaves me messages, and I don't respond. She comes over to get the kids off to school, I make out like she isn't even there. <P>I have had enough. If she wanted to come back right now, i would seriously consider it for my kids sake, but I would be hard pressed to accept her back in to my house. Without trust, honesty and committment, you have nothing. I think that I will be better off in the long run without her. It is sad, but it is the truth. <P>You need to do what makes you happy now. It sounds to me like you are well on your way to showing him that life does go on and that pond scum belongs someplace...well you know where it belongs!!! LOL<P>You are doing great! Hang in there!!<P>Mike<BR>

I liked that pond scum picture. <P>YOu know I really believe he is pathetic. He is everything he detested in a person before all this and now he is it. I don't know what kind of counselor he goes to but he probably is lying to the counselor.<P>Just got home and the Poop (H) was here. I walk in and say nothing. He tells me about my son, he cleaned out his junk drawer( Found my love letter torn to shreds in the garbage) and asks me to keep it open for the kids to put thier little drawings there for him. I say , Yaeh. I look at him as if to say okay, bye. He stands there and looks at me and I give him a little SHOO sign and giggle. I say Bye! He looks and shakes his head and leaves. <P>I wanted to say, listen terd face, YOU AINT WORTH IT. If it looks like a pig, acts like a pig,IT MUST BE A PIG. <P>I don't want him in MY HOME anymore. His house(our house0 MY HOME.<P> My next job is to take snow tires off car and put others on. Maybe I should find some nice neighbor man to help little ol me! You , buddy boy, can be replaced as my handy man, What i want is me a REAL MAN. <P>Listen to me. I probably be crying tomorrow but here is to me and a good nite and day!<P>Thanks.<P>Hopelessmom

Hi HopelessMom:<P>I know that little that we say is going to make much difference to you right now because you're hurting too bad.<BR>I understand because I can remember days like the one you're having. But now I can look back on it and realize that it was just a bad day...and tomorrow probably will be better.<P>Yes WS are not the most trustworthy, caring, responsible peole in the world...but there are other people in your lives that have disappointed you...children often don't act the way you want them too...some teenagers drink and use drugs causing their parents untold heartache...even your friends can disappoint you...but we don't turn our backs on them and say "forget them." The same is true of WS...sometimes we have to look past the hurt and try to understand what's happening to them. At times it is a type of mental illines...something that they don't have much control over. Whatever it is...because we are so intimately involve...we can't be the best judge of what is best for us or for them. Sometimes we just have to take the ride whereever it takes us and them deal with it.<P>It may very well be that you could be happier without your WS...but that's not a decision to be made in the midst of great pain or great passion. Give this situation the time it needs to work itself out. You'll know when enough is enough.<P>Faye

HopeMom,<P>Had to laugh at the last post you typed on this thread! I felt as you did last Sunday and treated STBXH like you did. Keep up the indifference treatment. Once he realises you are moving on it may shake him up a bit or it may not either way you will be stronger for it.<P>I will caution you. Be ready for a huge plunge as I felt really terrible these past 2 days. Really low. But I remember how it felt to feel so in control and up and I will be back there soon. think part of my problem is i am not sleeping well and am exhausted and feeling needy. Going to doctor tomorrow to see about getting something to help me sleep.<P>Take Care and be strong!!

HOpeZ: I havent slept in about a year d/t this. I take ambien occassionally, Dr. Rx. It helps.<P>I know about the roller coaster and I am sure I will fall down. My mom is coming for a couple weeks to be with me starting tonight. I can't wait. After she is here for a while I'll probably glad to see her go but it helps to have a built in babysitter for 2 weeks. I want to paint my bathroom. <P>I couldn't sleep last nite at all. Feel asleep after 4:30 am. My mind was over and over with trying to see my life, way down the line, without terd face in my life. <P>We don't have any legal stuff and he wants me to pay bills in the house. I don't have an income for what I do, SAHM. Maybe I should charge him for daycare expenses. he left me the water and sewer bill. I could say H, if the water goes off, how will the kids eat, OR DON'T YOU CARE.<P>Any way, I am not looking forward to that sort of stuff. Money stuff, etc. <P> <P>Bufffy: I have been on this ride for almost 1 year. I have tried to look at my H as he is sick, and I do believe he is sick but I can not let him destroy me and destroy my precious children any longer. Sick or not..Just like with Alcoholic, you have to let them go and destroy themselves or not. He may not come back. That is how I have to live now. He is not coming back. Don't get me wrong, I want him back (i think) but I am not WAITING anymore to go on with my life. No going on doesn't mean I am going to look for a man or anything is going to change drastically , it means I have to emotionally detach. (What man is going to want to be with a woman with 3 kids, Yikes).<P>I pray, I pray for me, the kids and of course my husband. <P><BR>Another thing, while I have to let go of H family. They are not what I call supportive of me and I dont know if I want them in my life. Through this stuff, you truly find out what people, even one who call themselves Christians, are made of. Right now, I don't like what I see. Unmet expectations are also a downer. You expect people to be a certain way, because that is what they claim they are, but in reality, they are just selfish and uncaring ( or caring at a distance). <P>In my laying awake last nite, I asked my husband if he was proud of himself, of how he has handled himself, how he is treating his kids and what he has done to me. If he could say, yes, I am proud of myself....I am better off without you. thank God I have a brain to teach our kids the difference between right and wrong.<P>Here I go, rambling, but sometimes it feels good just to get it out and see if other people have the same thoughts so I don't always think i am a lunatic.<P>Maybe I should start a support group for people who have had their marriages fall apart d/t infidelity. HMMMM<P>Got to go.<P>HOpelessmom

deleted<BR><p>[This message has been edited by very hurt (edited April 07, 2001).]