Deleted...<p>[This message has been edited by LostNco (edited April 14, 2001).]

Lies, Lies, and more lies...that is the territory...He'll be lying to her and you...that is how the A works...no honesty with anyone..<BR>I feel for you dealing with this A right in front of your face.<BR>The day I found out...I confronted both of them.<BR>I didn't know about mb. My H thought I would kick him out. i just wanted him to go live with his brother for a week--think things out. Well, I knew that he would go to her. So, I went to her place and confronted them both.<BR>I told him he could love two people, but he couldn't have 2 relationships. If he didn't give her up --immediately-- no contact..Our marriage was over. He realized it when I was talking to my mother to get me divorce lawyer that evening that I meant it...he kept telling me he couldn't not see her.---so, I had no intentions of living that way...But that was me. And it wa over the next day.<BR>So, you are in a harder place then I was.<BR>I don't think I could stop myself from not contacting the ow. I just don't have that kind of control....<BR>I really don't have any advice. But there was no way in He** that I was going to let my H be here with his family...and have a girlfriend, too.....That is sooo sick...<BR>If you did contact the ow--you won't know what is lies from her, and she will think your truth will be lies, so it may not accomplish anything...I am sure she would believe your H over you...<BR>The thing about the affair is it is ws and op against you....and then your spouse lies to you....So, where you are at is not easy....These people are not going to make any sense to you....It is like they are possessed.<BR>You are going to feel like you are going crazy because you have to fight the crazies---and we don't understand how they work, so your fight isn't based on logic at all...It is too confusing...it will drive you nuts.<BR>You need to get into counseling, you need a support system to help you through this. VENT, ASK for Advice,....read these posts....you need to get a start on undrerstanding how to deal with these two crazy, living in a fantasy world people--they are not in realty right now.. You are the one and only one that is taking on a fight to get your spouse back from another realm.<BR>Even when I type this I can't believe at how crazy it sounds...dealing with people involved in an affair...UGH..it is too much.<BR>Hang in there, Know that depression will probably come and do not hesitate to take something from your doctor. It will help you while things aren't well.

Don't think this is compatible with MB priciples but If I were in your place, I WOULD contact her. But understand, she may lie,too.I would be afraid you guys will start trading stuff he said to you and it will wind up hurting you. I don't think I could sit around and Wait for my Life to be decided by people who don't care about me. But I think, there is pain there. Prayers to you, whatever you decide.

Deleted...<p>[This message has been edited by LostNco (edited April 14, 2001).]

Want to let OW know how much he wants you. Tape a conversation between you and H, make sure to get some personal stuff (you were so good the other night). Anonamously send the tape to her.

lose--why is the women waiting for you to contact her?<BR>Did your H say to her that you would probably confront her or something? See, you know it is going on..I didn't...So, my H was lying and told me go ahead and call her-nothing is going on--so I did--yah, there was something going on , that was my clincher to my one day suspicion--So, bamb--didn't see it coming...<BR>Let her wait forever for contact from you, Let her go crazy with wondering what is going on.<P>The op in my case was waiting for me to find out, she thought that when I found out, I'd kick my H out, and she would finally have him....Didn't happen..I let him stay with his family, gave him his life back....(he got off easy as far as I'm concern--some people have to lose their whole family before they see clearly.)<BR>Let her wait...forever for any contact from you...You don't owe her anything....She may just go crazy and drive your H crazy trying to find out what is really going on...Let him have to deal with her and her suspicions, her nagging...all the negative things that will come from jealousy, not knowing what is going on...Let her go crazy, too...Let him deal with two women that are going crazy...See, how well he handles that. That is why they say plan A--let yourself look more appealing, and better (which you are) than the ow.<BR>Do you think you can plan A? It is what mb encourages...

Deleted...<p>[This message has been edited by LostNco (edited April 14, 2001).]

Deleted...<p>[This message has been edited by LostNco (edited April 14, 2001).]