Well, Mr. WS just picked up kids to go to OW house for weekend. He wanted to chat about "the tools" in garage. He took a few that were expensive and I asked that he not just take, but ask or let me know what he is taking. Anyway, I said I don't think now, in front of kids, is a good time to chat about these things. "Oh, you can run but you can't hide, You will have to talk to me" I helped but the kids in car and I say, You aren't worth it. Your pathetic. <P>Comes back into garage and says stuff like "how many times in the past have you asked me to leave. Just go, Just go. (okay i did that before) I said yaeh, i said that but not with another woman. You have had affair in my house and now your going to some other woman house. SO you going to take my lively hood away. <P>Anyway, i go in house and say, You are disgusting. and I laugh, Ha Ha and close door on face. <P>3 minutes later he calls on cell phone and says I have stooped so low to name calling. Actually, I didn't call him a name.. I said you are disgusting and pathetic. Is that name calling. <P>Anyway, he gets to the I see how this is going to be, Your greedy and hurtful.. Oh, sorry. YOU LEFT 3 SMALL KIDS HOME AND ME, YOUR WIFE OF 14 YEARS, WITHOUT EVEN TRYING. <P>I hang up and he calls back again. I don't answer. Leaves a message. <P>Maybe Plan B is it. <P>How am i supposed to be . I smile, he says I am sinister, I raise my voice I am angry and bitter , I don't say anything, I'm running and hiding. Well, what do I do. Put a bag over my head?<P>I hope the kids cry all weekend and make everyone's life miserable over there.<P>Hopelessmom

Deleted...<p>[This message has been edited by LostNco (edited April 14, 2001).]

Just like when my h was having an affair--everything you do will be negative...you can't say or do anything right in their eyes---just one of the ways of justifying having an affair.<BR>Don't let him drive you crazy!!

Deleted...<p>[This message has been edited by LostNco (edited April 14, 2001).]

I certainly see why you feel the way you do. But, your post is fullof LBs, so you are certainly not doing a good Plan A...better to go to Plan B than to further damage the relatinship by trying to "Plan A" while LBing. It is very hard to do, I know. But, using words like "disgusting" and "pathetic" is not likely to make him any more likely to want to be around you...<P>Decide what you want to do. If he is not worth your effort and you do not want to be married to him, file for divorce..as I recall this is not his first affair (unless I've got your story confused???), and that is more than enough reason to let go. On the other hand, if you want to give Plan A a chance...give him the impression that you two could have a good marriage, try to eliminate the LBs and hope that his affair will end and he will be willing to work with you on the marriage when/if that happens.<P>I am so sorry that you are in this position. I do not mean to be hrtful, and I do know that your feelings are justified. But, I have to point out that angry outbursts and disrespectful judgements doom a Plan A...<P>Kathi

Oh, and as crete says, it is all part of the WS justifying things in his own mind...sometimes it does help to keep that in mind. I just thought of my H as temporarily insane...didn't tell him that of course, but that POV did help me keep from going nuts.<P> <P>Kathi

I feel very bad for what you are going through. I know how difficult it is. I do agree with Kathi that what you are doing is not Plan A or Plan B, but LBing. Sure you are right, and we all have those similar thoughts about our WS. However, we have to make a choice of what to do about it. Do we want our marriages back? If you don't, then why not Plan B or Tough Love. If you do, then you need to Plan A, and calling him the things you do is a big no no in Plan A.<P>No one says you have to be walked on. However, to do it right requires an understanding of the fog, and in general an understanding on affairs and what they are all about. I know it isn't easy to watch it all unfold and remain civil, but I don't think you have a choice if you want to maximize the odds of being there and restoring your marriage when your spouse comes out of the fog. This is all we can do.<P>So I hope that you can focus on what you want and try and not LB, but either do Plan A or Plan B. In either case, stick to the Plan.<P>I'm sorry that you are going through this. I read your posts and wish that it was not the way it is. It stinks. Take care of yourself and your kids, and continue to vent to us. We care and want the best for you.

A foggy day...<BR>A couple of months after Dday, my H and I had a discussion and I told him that I felt I couldn't win at all. I felt that if I said something and OW said the very same thing, she would be right and I would be wrong. We're way past that now, but I do think that it is part of the fog, and you could say the sky is blue and be saying something wrong!<BR>Hugs to you.

Mom,<P> He is just trying to get your goat, so he can justify what he is doing. Just say Yes, dear. <P>------------------<BR>Deb