I still see a few familiar names around here, for better or for worse, so I'm glad to be back.<BR>Well, H's affair started in early 1998, and OW came to my house 7/31/98, and life was HELL ON EARTH FOR YEARS! I was pregnant in '99, and H never came home. I got arrested for hitting him in 4/00. OW was at my house Memorial day of that year and they called the cops on me. It was so bad, I packed up the babies (2.5 and 8 months) and drove from San Francisco to Houston to get away from it all (ever traveled that far with children of any age? then you KNOW how bad i had to get away!). I was not good at the plan A'ing, I couldn't tolerate his refusing to give her up, he accused me of having an affair with his best friend and said he was with her just because he was mad at me...it was AWFUL.<BR>So when i got back from texas, i got my own apartment, job and "child support"-though we were/are still married. I kept threatening to divorce him, but he started to plan A me to the max. it was hard to resist, but since he was living so far away(me in SF, him in LA), i considered us separated. <BR>Much to my chagrin, now, i started dating another guy...I was lonely, he was attentive..same old story. H forgot about his plan A'ing, and we've been fighting pretty bad for a couple months now. The lease ran out in my apartment, and i was going to move back with H, but then i saw he never gave up OW (so MANY phone calls--yes, i snooped...). So, I'm home visiting my mom in hawaii, and the kids are with H in LA. <BR>I've had some time to think, and to realize OM, to put it mildly, is a complete loser (unemployed, speed addict, living in his mom's garage, with a restraining order to keep away from his ex-girlfriend---WHAT was I thinking!?). Though H has been upset with me, and we fight dirty, I think I've very much made my choice that i love him and want to go back to my family. Despite the phone contact with OW, i believe his apologies, and he's finally answered my questions about her. And i think, in some small way, we have insight into each other's situations, because of OM.<BR>So pretty soon, i'll be ready to go home. H and I are planning a little honeymoon of sorts, and we will be working on some ground rules (as i said, we fight dirty, and it has been very counter-productive). I have been familiar with Marriagebuilders for almost 2 years now, and though i've not been willing to apply the concepts to my life, at least they've been in the back of my mind. Now, though, it's time to get serious.<BR>I know there is a long way to go, but im finally ready, and im glad i have this place to come to for help.<BR>I hope i can inspire anyone who's at the end of their rope, too, because i was there for a LOOOOONG time <BR>Julie<BR>

Wow! Another positive story!<P>I'm glad to hear you and your husband are planning to get back together. I hope he is willing to apply the MB principles, too - with two of you following the rules, you'll have your marriage rebuilt even stronger than before.<BR><P>------------------<BR>terri<BR><B>Courage</B><P>Whatever course you decide upon,<BR>there is always someone to tell you<BR>that you are wrong.<P>There are always difficulties arising<BR>which tempt you to believe that your <BR>critics are right.<P>To map out a course of action <BR>and follow it to an end <BR>requires courage.<P><I>Ralph Waldo Emerson</I>

Good Morning LWB,<BR>Long time....glad to read your update, and nice to see you back! (((((((hugs))))))) aloha, cl

LWB,<BR>You aren't alone in sometimes fighting dirty...try to stop that now. <P>I think one of the best things my H & I do is try to start each day fresh, forgiving and dropping past grievances--even if they just happened the night before. Not always easy, but as a plan it is a good one.<P>Best wishes<BR><P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Whatever is true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, gracious...think about these things." Phil 4:8

Definitely, the fighting dirty has got to stop. Ground rules need there for sure. Good news!!

HI <P>Yeah, no more dirty fighting... but...<P>Good News!!!<P>Best wishes as you begin this new chapter of your marriage!!<P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<BR>(a bit worse for the wear, but hanging in there)<P><B>Life <I>is</I> difficult</B>.<BR><I>The Road Less Traveled</I><BR>~M. Scott Peck

Congratulations and best of luck in your rebuilding!<P> <P>------------------<BR><B><I>RECOVER * REFOCUS * REGENERATE ~ BREATHE * RELAX</I></B><P>By Eleanor Roosevelt ~~<BR><UL TYPE=SQUARE><BR><LI>"People grow through experience if they meet life honestly and courageously. This is how character is built." <P><LI>"No one takes advantage of you without your permission."<BR></UL>

I just want to drop a quick thanks to you all before i go to work. Your support means a lot to me!<BR>Julie