Dear LnCo,<P>I respect your viewpoint. Also wanted to let you know that those here have no more strength individually than you do. Collectively however; we are pretty awesome. You see, when one of us falls, those here who pretty much know what we are going or going to go through help each other out. <P>Support here is done in a team effort, sometimes the writing is therapeutic for us individually. What we see for someone else also becomes what we need for ourselves, yet we see it better when we respond to someone else. <P>The throw in the towel feeling, oh yes, many times. Wanted to just give it all up. Why I even wrote an e-mail to OW and told her about 1 month after d/d, that she was welcome to take H and do as she pleased. Did I mean it? Yes. Do I still mean it? Yes and No. My point is that these feelings come and go. As long as you are on the roller coaster ride with them you will be jerked around. <P>How about stepping off that roller coaster for a while? Watch them make themselves dizzy. Stabilize yourself. Secure your support groups (friends, family, neighbors, co-workers, children, counselors, etc.). Vent here as much as you need. They don't need you to destroy themselves, they do a good job as it is. Don't let them blame you for this mishaps. <P>You said H is still living at home? H talks about a D being reversed in your state? What does that mean?<P>My H did not learn the facts of life (how hard it was to maintain an A and work) until after he moved out. Maybe your H also has some growing up to do. That is not a bad reflection on you if he has to go to that extreme to learn life's lesson. <P>I tried my hardest not to cause H more suffering. But H was stubborn, he needed to see first hand how much more he could screw up his life. He did. 3 months later, he is admitting he has made a mess of himself and that it is not my fault. He is ready to be put on the streets because he can no longer afford his rented room and I can no longer afford to pay his credit card bills (I live in a community property state Mi bills, Tu bills). OW is putting on the stress to have him move in with her and he even spent a few nights there, then came running back here crying just yesterday. What does that mean? Don't know. H is claiming he would rather live in this old house with his family than anywhere else. Won't get too excited since this scene has been played before. This time it had more tears and bit more remorse and sorrow. Gotta see the next scene before I rate the show. <P>The point is that your frustration and anguish is normal. Is there someone else H can go and stay with (like relative)? Have you talked with the Harley's? <P>My H said he wanted a D, I said ok you do it. He asked me to help him (since I have all the financial records here at the house). I told him he needed to figure that out for himself (he is a big boy). Let's see, that was 6 weeks ago. Still waiting for the paperwork. Now he wants to come home? Why? Don't really know yet. <P>I took a walk through our family courthouse. It is a painful place full of sorrow. You see so many families whose lives are in the hands of the lawyers and judges. I cried just walking through there. But I did it to see what it would be like when H had to do it. Guess what, if I had a hard time, I can pretty much guess H would find it even harder. <P>So consider the source and consider it a statement. You won't know if he actually means to divorce you until you see the paperwork and even then it is not over until it is finalized. <P>Just my 2 cents. <P>L.
