Tell me what you think. It has been since 3/5 since no contact. He changed his cell phone, no longer has access to email at work (is currently looking for job), we changed our phone to our secondary line and our old number rings to an answering machine. My H is confident that his OW wont call the house, however, there are privite calls on our caller id on old line. So I had call block put on and unidentified caller rejection. I didnt put her phone number on the call block list but did start the unidentified caller rejection service. I did that Friday, well Saturday he is out without his cell phone and stops to call from Walmart and his call is rejected. Well the rejection service should only reject calls that are listed as private. I havent checked the payphone at Walmart but I would find it hard to believe that it should be unlisted and therefore private. Out of area calls come up as unavailable. Her phone number is unlisted something that he claims he didnt know. But we had a discussion how her number came up as private, he said no it shows her name, I told him all unlisted phone #'s come up as private unless the person enters a code to display name and reason why her name appeared on box was because she wanted it seen. (I was out of town) Any way he was upset cause I felt the need to put this service in place. I told him that he should be agreeable to do what ever it took to make me feel more secure in my home. He also wants to start using the old number soon and I am not sure that I am ready to do it. I told him not yet. I am not sure if I should put her phone number in the call block list or wait and see if she is willing to call and show up under the caller id box with her name. I do have a secodary caller id hidden on old number.<P> He says he feels under the watch, the weekend I was out of town, I taped their phone conversations and then confrounted him with the tape. Now he wonders if he is being taped on our phone. This makes me worry if he is really abiding by the no contact. I know that the only way she can get to him is if he initiates the contact so if he is contacting then it will be plan B. Worry Worry Worry

ZZZ4991,<P>It is not entirely true that private calls all come through without name or number showing on caller ID - my landlord has an unlisted number and his number shows up on my CallerID. The documentation on the phone company's page states that not all unlisted numbers will show on Caller ID as 'private'. Also, you'd be surprised at the number of pay phones that come up as private or unavailable. With the number of people that use them for drug deals, they are also making them unable to be called back.<P>I would never believe that an OP "would never call the house" - not after my own experiences (my husband, who was and still is living with her, assured me that "she would never do something like that" - Uh ... ok) and not after reading the posts here about the actions of some of these OP's.<P>Try to do the Plan A stuff, remembering that he is likely in withdrawal. Try to find some kind of compromise which makes you both feel better... and at this point, hiding anything sets YOU up as the bad guy and is a huge love buster. Yeah, I know - He's the one who cheated and YOU have to do all the work... Dr. Harley is quite clear that is how it is most often. But once the withdrawal lets him go, he should see much more clearly what HE has to do to make this work.<P>Good luck!<P>------------------<BR>terri<BR><B>Courage</B><P>Whatever course you decide upon,<BR>there is always someone to tell you<BR>that you are wrong.<P>There are always difficulties arising<BR>which tempt you to believe that your <BR>critics are right.<P>To map out a course of action <BR>and follow it to an end <BR>requires courage.<P><I>Ralph Waldo Emerson</I>

I hope Terri is right Z, but have an idea to dispell your worry. Go to WalMart and dial your home, note the time and dial from each phone if there are several. Then return home and see how the calls came up. <BR>Phoning is so hard to check up on now, with calling cards and extra cell phones, but this seems like something you could do. L

Thank you Terri and Lad for responding.<P>Terri as you said at this point, hiding anything sets YOU up as the bad guy and is a huge love buster. Yeah, I know - He's the one who cheated and YOU have to do all the work...<P>It is hard to be the one who has to extend the trust when it seems so undeserved after all the lies, hidding and deception from his side. He says he is sorry and I do believe the he is but I need to get over a hurdle in my mind that is a mile high. That is the reason for the 2nd caller id.<P>LAD I have already decided to go to Walmart and try out the phones. If what he said is true it should be really easy to verify and then it should be a deposit into the love bank for me right?<P>I have learned so much from the people who post here and this web site, I just hope I am strong enough to put it into place and to see it thru.