I am really having a crisis in faith. I really do not know what to do. I have been thinking who to contact in the church about my problem with my H. I also want them to know we are not living together. <P>Then while I was on vacation, the bomb of all bombs hit. The rector made an announcement followed with a very specific sermon about how FatherXX was caught by the bishop in an adulterous affair. Father XX was "very sorry"-- to get caught! He was in charge of teaching ethics to the church school! a letter went home to all and he was disiplined by the bishop-banished from our church and from the clergy. His wife was devastated.<P>Thge letter asks for prayer, forgiveness, but that Father XX must live with the consequences. It was about telling the truth for truth's sake versus telling the truth, because you got caught. It is pious vs. deceitful behavior. It is a lesson to us all.<P>Needless to say if a mousy Father like XX could be doing it too, then what chance in H do I have getting my H to stop! How will he be able to look to the church for solace if he ever decides to? How do I? I am absolutely thrown by this.<P>I try to distance myself from all of this, but wow! <P>XX practically had a public lynching! The congregation clapped! And all this during lent, just like Jesus, except Jesus was innocent, of course. And to top it off, my H played hooky that day to play sports at his club and wasn't present to hear this sermon. What is God doing? I am starting to freak out. What is His plan for all of us. I really need to talk to my therapist. I see her tomorrow.<P>Thank Goodness.<P>I still believe in God for my needs, but I am starting to wonder if He puts any effort into the wicked, our WS's.

I understand how horrifying this is for you. One thing to remember is that pastors and priests are human just like the rest of us. They have no special protection from temptation or sin. This doesn't make it right when they fall, but just like everyone who does, they need forgiveness and grace.<P>God stands ready to give every unfaithful spouse the power to end an affair and restore his/her marriage, but He doesn't drag them into it. The problem is not God, but the will of the person in the affair. God will open door after door for His child, but that child must be bright enough to walk through that door.<P>------------------<BR>"They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. They shall mount up with wings as eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:31

burnedspouse,<P>All I can say is God has a plan bigger than we can imagine.<BR>We don't always understand His ways, but we are told they are higher than ours. God will convict your husband no matter were your husband is at in His time. Just rest knowing that God is always working for those that seek Him with all their hearts. <P>When Jesus was on the cross he said ,forgive them for they know not what they do. I pray the church is able to say this about the FatherXX and I pray that Fatherxx is able to say this about the church for their actions. God has called us to live in peace and to forgive one another. Please find peace in knowing God is in charge. Faith is believeing in the unseen not what we see and hear. Keep the faith.<BR>God's promises are real.<BR>gentle

burned...I hear you and can relate having seen this in my life as well.<P>I too agree with HG .....The minute we forget that each of us is able to stumble is the minute that we get blindsided. Sometime by people we care for, sometimes even by ourselves.<P>The pressure that I have seen on those in leadership in churches seems to be intense. <P>It just makes sense that the enemy of the Lords churches would love to attack at the top and be totally sucessful. I would guess he sees that if he can destroy the man or woman leading, many others will walk away from faith and God because of it.<P>It's a good reminder for all of us that we need to PRAY for the leadership. Pray for them that God would strengthen and cover them.<P>And as gentle said, don't you loose hope. God is able to reach in and grab hold of your husbands heart...and turn it into gold as a gift for you. Keep praying and take care.

Burnedspouse -<P>Where do I start? I agree 100% with HGBrawner, but I guess I really wanted to address the last statement on your post.<P>You said: "I still believe in God for my needs, but I am starting to wonder if He puts any effort into the wicked, our WS's."<P>Does He put any effort into the wicked. . .If by wicked you mean sinful, then I'd have to say yes, I think He does.<P>A long time ago, there was this girl, sweet, innocent. She was very popular in high school, got good grades, played several different sports, went to church every Sunday, but she was very shy. In fact, when it came time for the senior prom, she asked her bother's friend to take her to the prom, and was even too shy to kiss the boy goodnight after the dance. <P>Two years later, the girl is away at college. She's still very popular, gets good grades, plays sports, but she starts to rebel a little bit from her upbringing. She wants to have a boyfriend, but is afraid to talk to any of the guys at school, other than about classes. She's involved in outside activities, but whenever she gets around a guy, she just giggles. Then, one night when she's out with a bunch of friends, she discovers that a few drinks really loosen her up, makes her a little more outgoing. So, she continues to drink, meet guys, hang out. Before long, she meets her first boyfriend. <P>Well, he's not exactly the kind of guy her parents would pick out, but who cares, he likes her, he wants to be with her. He's ten years older than she, been married and divorced twice, but she's so young and naive that she thinks this guy really likes her, no loves her. Before long and before she even realizes what is happening, she is letting go of one of her strongest beliefs. And she keeps letting go, keeps going with the crowd. She knows her parents would not be happy, so she tells little white lies here and there to cover her tracks.<P>Before long, it doesn't matter how many drinks she had, or where she wakes up, or who she wakes up with. For the girl who wanted "to wait" until she got married, she suddenly discovers that she's already been with more than 20 different guys. She rarely goes to church anymore, because she's too hung over from last night's party. Most of the time, she makes it through the day, but cannot wait until the night, so that she can have fun. But all the while, she's just digging this pit. A pit dug with lies to her parents, lies to her boyfriends; a pit dug with excessive drinking, hangovers, regrets, blackouts, not knowing what she did the night before; a pit dug with feelings of worthlessness, because instead of love, all she keeps finding is heartache and regrets; a pit dug on a plane of self-pity, because suddenly this girl feels like a no one if she is not the life of the party.<P>Oh, good things happen to this girl, despite all the things she is doing wrong. She graduates college with honors, was the captain of the varsity team for three years, was the President, Vice-President of an international honors society, and the member of another honors society. In fact, despite all of her worst efforts, the girl was determined by school faculty to be the "most outstanding student in the division of social sciences" for her graduating class.<P>With those kinds of achievements, the girl continually thought that there was nothing wrong with her lifestyle. That even though she went out got drunk, she was still good enough to win honors and awards. She was still a good person at heart. She even landed a pretty good job upon graduation. But she spent the next five years - in the same pattern - achieving wordly honors, but inwardly was decaying. She kept digging that pit, never really remembering where she was the night before, or who she was with. Again, she continued to have good things come her way, and she always wanted to try and become a better person, but she just didn't know how. She kept telling herself that when she got married everything would be different.<P>For the first three years of her marriage, everything was different. She's not going out as much, but still drinks too much when she does. For some reason, she never really learned to say no - no to that last drink at happy hour, or no to the jokes and flirtatious comments made by others. But good things continued to come her way, despite all the things she was still doing wrong. She had a devoted H, a wonderful home, a wonderful job, a new car, and lots of friends who she spent every weekend with. She never really slowed down.<P>But all the while, she kept digging this pit. A pit dug with excessive drinking; work obsession; achivements, awards, recognition of wordly accomplishments. But inside, the girl was probably at the lowest point she was ever at.<P>Suddenly, she didn't like her job anymore, and her car was too, well, un-cool. Her friends always liked for her to be around them, but she never really felt close to any one of them. She thought that because things weren't going well, it was because she wasn't pretty enough, smart enough. While she still got awards and bonuses, they weren't enough, she had to get more. And, she was never really content with her life. She needed a change. She needed something to make her feel better, anything. Then he noticed her - not her H, but someone else. He told her she was beautiful, told her she was smart, made her feel confident, made her feel desired, made her feel fun again, made her feel alive. Suddenly, the girl who thought she would never have an affair - had an affair.<P>The girl was a wreck. On the one hand she felt good - that someone was finally paying attention to her, someone made her feel confident and smart, made her feel good about herself - but on the other hand, she knew that what she was doing was wrong. Yet she continued the affair anyway. She would come home after being with the OM - lie to her H, smile and pretend nothing was wrong - all the while digging this pit, a pit dug on lies and deceit. In the back of her mind she knew this wasn't right, despite what the OM told her. She loved her H but she couldn't say no. Suddenly, this pit she had been digging for the past 10 years began to look more and more ominous. She was afraid, she was confused, she could no longer see the light of day, because she had dug this hole so deep. She knew she couldn't continue, but she didn't know what to do. So she asked God.<P>She frantically scurried to look for references in the Bible that said adultery was okay in certain situations. She frantically looked to find a way to make divorce a "good thing." She couldn't find one. The only thing she found was Truth. And Truth told her that no matter what the situation is, it won't get any better until you tell the truth. So, as hard as it was, she told her H everything, and ended the affair. A burden had been lifted, but she was still stuck in this pit.<P>Instead of doing all the wrong things, she felt horrible about finally doing the right thing. That it took having an affair to realize that she was standing in this pit, this huge hole she had dug for herself. God came to the top of the pit and said that He could get the girl out of the pit if she wanted Him to. <P>But the girl was so ashamed, she couldn't even show her face. She crouched in the bottom of the hole, fearing that God did not love, could not accept her anymore - that He had given her all of these wonderful things - a good family, parents that loved her, a good home, a good husband, and talents that she had wasted. She felt miserable and alone. <P>In her mind, she kept going over and over every mistake she had made in her life, and it made her feel worse. She was no longer digging a pit - she was no longer doing anything. In fact, she felt so alone, and doubted God's love and mercy so much, that she even tried to take the shovel she was using to end her life. She had dug this grave and this was where she was meant to be. <P>But, at the last possible moment, her H jumped in the hole and took the shovel from her so she couldn't hurt herself. For some reason, good things continued to happen to the girl, but now she and her H were stuck in this whole. She was tired, and while her H was still there, she was very lonely, and tired. Tired of living, tired of having thoughts about the OM - about her other life. She no longer had her Bible with her, she didn't have the strength to flip open its pages. She cried all day and all night. She didn't know what to do. So she asked God. <P>She simply told God that she no longer had the strength to try and climb out of the hole. She told God that she dug the hole so deep that she didn't even know if He could or wanted to even see her to help her out of the hole. She simply told God that she was sorry, that she didn't mean for all of this to happen, and that she needed His help - His help to get her out of this hole she had dug.<P>God, in His everlasting love and mercy rescued the girl and her H. God never stopped loving the girl, but she had never asked for His help before. When the girl came up and into the light - she saw everything so clearly. She realized that she had made some terrible mistakes in her life, but God listened and answered her simply prayer, the prayer of a sinner.<P>So, does God put any effort into the lives of the sinful? Yes, I think that's where he tries the hardest.<P><BR>

SKM,<P>No one understands grace like the people who have had to use it. You have a gift, share it.<P>May the Lord Bless You and Keep You, the Lord make his face to shine upon You, and give you peace.<P>John

SKM,<BR>Beautiful! <P>------------------<BR>"They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. They shall mount up with wings as eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:31

SKM-that was so good! Thank you for sharing!!!!<P>Burned-While I can understand your situation I want to share some of my feelings. When my H first told me about his A instead of jumping him about how wrong he was I told him I was fully aware that no one-I do mean no one-is above and beyond ending up in an A some day. You see-we all like to know that someone likes us. WE all feel so good to have someone paying us the attention that for whatever reason we are lacking at the moment.<P>I can not stand to be "hit on" by anyone. But there are times for everyone that something just happens that may not make sense. And some poeple do have the special powers to see a vulnerable person and worm their way in to that persons life without it being realized.<P>I can say today that there is no way I will ahve an affair. But as for tomorrow-I know I don't plan it or expect it but I can't say it isn't in the books somewhere-that I can't fall prey to the same illness so many have fallen for.<P>Dr. Phil McGraw says that there are people who always want that "spark" in their live. That some people grow tired of a relationship when the "spark" leaves. I think this is sad but true.<P>Hang in there-you will figure this out too-I know you will.<P>Sending you positive thoughts. <P>------------------<BR>*heartache*<P>"Life's A Dance<BR>You Learn As You Go.<BR>Sometimes You Lead<BR>Sometimes You Follow!<BR>Don't worry 'Bout What You Don't Know<BR>LIfe's A Dance <BR>You Learn As You Go."

Yes SKM, excellent job of expressing how it is. <P>...I felt the same as you... it was difficult to live in my own skin for quite some time!<P>I applaud your desire to seek forgiveness and to work on your marriage as you have... you are remarkable!<P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<BR>(a bit worse for the wear, but hanging in there)<P><B>Life <I>is</I> difficult</B>.<BR><I>The Road Less Traveled</I><BR>~M. Scott Peck

Wow, I am really awestruck at your responses. I do believe you are right, SKM. Now that I am getting over the shock of all of this, I am starting to see your point. God opens many windows and doors, but it is up to the lost to find the way through the door. But he must be looking for that grace, it will not find him.<P>I know it is true with my H. he does not look for that grace, though he protests he realizes what he is doing is wrong. But this knowledge does not make a sincere man of him, it makes a deceitful one. One who continues to sin as the WS is choosing the most selfish action there is.<P>We all want to be devoted to. All the BS's were once devoted upon by their WS's. Of this I am sure. But the fall from innocence and love is the farthest drop there is and sometimes I feel that I am still experiencing the drop. I want this nightmare to end, to be loved again, but my WS just does not want to change his lifestyle. This is a great insult to the sanctity of marriage, and to my respect of myself. I want the innocence returned!<P><BR>But I know it is not possible, but a new relationship is. I forgive H every day. I wish he could forgive himself and return to God's grace. But that is his journey. Only he can travel there when he is ready. I must remain patient. But I am losing the battle with my self to move on to a new life away from the pain. I want to love someone too. I am even finding myslef a little jealous of my H, and his feelings for the OW. I want to feel those feelings and respond in kind too. But I won't make the choice he did. I can say that for today. But you are right: we are all susceptible. I am starting to see why....

Burned Spouse-<P>You may be susceptible but you are also a very WISE person!!!!! Don't you forget that part <P>If you love yourself you will also attract love to you! Hang in there-the road is long and rough and there are some really down days but in the end-and there will be an end-you will be able to move forward. As long as you are doing what needs done to make you stay in step you will be OK. I promise.<P>Big hugs and best wishes<P>------------------<BR>*heartache*<P>"Life's A Dance<BR>You Learn As You Go.<BR>Sometimes You Lead<BR>Sometimes You Follow!<BR>Don't worry 'Bout What You Don't Know<BR>LIfe's A Dance <BR>You Learn As You Go."