In reading posts here, I see references to "the fog."<P>Can someone explain?<P>I think this may be where my W is, but I don't know.<P>She admitted to a PA a week and half ago. Still hasn't shown much remorse, but claims no more contact. (Which I am inclined to believe).<P>Still seems to be very confused, however, and has not asked to move mback home or to try joint counseling. Wants to be 100% committed to our marriage first before we try counseling together.<P>I am trying to give her space and be patient but it is very hard to do. Is this the best thing to do?<P>She says sometimes she has a kajillion things going on in her head and one is that she thinks the hardest thing might be coming home. She also says she loves me and misses me.<P>Help!

Fog is that state that people get in while having affairs, where they act based on fantasy and can forget about major aspects of life like kids, family, responsibilities, etc....instead devoting all attention to their affair partner. The stuff that happens while in the fog is incredible. Read stories here to see that.<P>Check out Just Found Out forum, for a posting from NSR titled Welcome New Builders. That has links to everything you'd want to know.<P>I don't know about your situation, but more often than not, in the early stages of an affair, when they claim confusion and related thoughts, contact is still very much an issue.<P>Perhaps you can provide some more details, such as how long this went on for, how long she has been moved out, and whether or not you have kids.<P>In the meantime, read as much as you can, and you should be doing Plan A. Check out the link to read about it.<P>

The fog is the pattern of thinking that so many ws go through during an affair and during the first months after it ends when they are in withdrawal from the addictive nature of the affair. <P>Nothing they say or do seems to make logical sense.<P>They say and do things that they will not remember or believe that they did 6 months after contact with the op has ended.<P>They say and do things that are completely out of character for the way they have generally lived their lives<P>They act like an alien fog has surrounded them and for a time they just can't find their way<P>Left to their own devices while consumed by this fog they can be very destructive of their spouse and of themselves and others they care about - even the op.<P>They will be heavily dependent on a loving spouse to be strong and patient enough to carry the marriage for both long enough to give them time to come back to their senses.<P>The good news is that after the fog is completely cleared, they can be very appreciative to the spouse who stood by them. They can recover to be very happy and devoted to spouse and children.<P>Good luck through this!