You guys!<P>Just wanted you to know that I've loved reading this! Haven't had a lot of spare time but I have been able to catch up.<P>This is the kind of thread that I've loved most about MB! <P>Oh and Lori, Thanks! <P>Love ya,<BR>Mitzi

<B>Terri</B><P>I did e-mail you and even started a thread to you? I am hoping all is okay? Looking forward to hearing from you.<P>Hugs,<P><BR>------------------<BR><B>God bless you and all of us. We are all going to make it, all of us! With God on our side we can't lose! What God has joined together let no man put asunder. <P>Samantha</B><p>[This message has been edited by A blessed Samantha (edited April 12, 2001).]

<B>Mitzi</B><P>So nice to see you! If you have been around and I have missed that, sorry. I just don't get to all the threads like I used to.<P>This is a wonderful place isn't it?<P>Hugs,<P>------------------<BR><B>God bless you and all of us. We are all going to make it, all of us! With God on our side we can't lose! What God has joined together let no man put asunder. <P>Samantha</B><p>[This message has been edited by A blessed Samantha (edited April 12, 2001).]

Howdlee doodlee neighbors!<P>I’m still around. Don’t post much at all anymore. Usually I only read a few messages a week.<P>It gets tiring reading the same thing over & over & over & over. Sometimes I really feel like letting a few people here have a piece of my mind (not that there is a great deal to go around ) because of the extremely poor & childlike advice which is given ie, “Get back at ‘em NOW!” <P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out **edit**

Hello everyone..<P>I skipped the bold print cuz I don't know how to do it.<P>I read this BB often...I may have posted once or twice. So infrequently that I forgot my p/word.<P>My marriage is now in recovery after 18 months of seperation . I usually post on Michelle Weiner-Davis' forum.<P>I truly believe that my marriage is at this wonderful stage due to "Plan A". I read everything that Dr. H had to say. I read it more than once. If you want to understand something it is important to read all instructions first.<P>I will still post on Michelles site because, I feel that I have to give back. I remember my first days there. The motto was dont give up. If it's not working try something different or do nothing at all for a time.<P>I am so very grateful for "oldtimers" who always gave me positive encouragement and support. Heck, my H is probably also grateful. The only thing is, is that he doesn't know about the wonderful people at the marriage sites.

Samantha,<P>Yep! I've been around. Usually I hang out on the D/D board, but I lurk here. I rarely start my own threads but I do reply some. This whole site has been such a blessing to me!<P>Mitzi <BR>

<B>desiree -</B>Girl it is good to hear from you again. I feel like a magician, I just mention your pseudonym and here you are!! I'm very glad to know things are starting to go your way. <P>What is it with people born in our year(didn't know how old you were until now...we are the same age, as is one other "long-winded" poster who shall remain nameless, but I always thought of you as much younger than I)?? I must get an old newspaper and read the horoscope for my birthday. Maybe it would have warned me about this.<P>Anyway, hearing from you brings back a lot of fond memories of '99. You and several others are the only reasons I had any fond memories of that year and I will be forever grateful. You guys even had me lighting candles! Now "That's Incredible"!! Love you bunches!!!<P><B>terri -</B> I know you won't believe this because it's too late, but I very nearly mentioned you in one of my previous posts. You have earned a lot of respect here and from me. Your advice has always been measured and right on, which I find incredible given your personal situation. You have a lot more strength than I, that's for sure. As an old friend of mine in high school used to say,(this doesn't sound right with out the vocalization) "You strong like bull, MOO!"<P><BR>I have seen posts recently complaining about the fact that there is even a D/D board here. <B>Whodat</B> was absolutely right!! There are many people there who can rightfully be called success stories. Maybe even better examples than some of us who are not(yet) divorced. <B>Mitzi</B> is one(luv ya, girl), <B>Desiree, WilliamJ, Tim(Medic), Bob(RWD)</B> and many others(the ones I mentioned are the ones I came to know over the last two years) also qualify as "successes" even though their marriages failed. I have learned as much from them as I have from successes like Sis and dMac(You know this is hard, once you start "name-dropping" you know you are going to forget people you should name...Oh, well).<P>Gotta get some work done, now...I see we are still waiting on Warrior Princess #1 to start swinging that frozen salmon! <P>--DeWayne--<p>[This message has been edited by Heartpain (edited April 13, 2001).]

Hi there,<P> I'm sort of an oldtimer and try to keep the Harley concepts in mind....I'm constantly amazed how the story is the same OVER and OVER.<P>Now to the real reason I'm posting.....IS K "a lady"? I saw in Samantha's post where she called him a "lady"!! I've personally thought(along with others) that he might be Steve Harley in disguise! LU<BR>

Hey DeWayne!<P>I, for one, am very grateful for the D/D board! Once I was into the divorce process, I felt a little out of place with ones who were just finding out about the affairs. I could relate but it became so hard to move forward when most of what I was reading was fresh, raw pain. <P>On the D/D board, we've been able to help each other through the painful and sometimes, slow process of divorce. We've supported each other through court hearings, custody and visitation arrangements and for some, dating again. And I've been able to hopefully help a few who were victims of domestic violence. Plus we've had a ball on the MEGA-THREAD! <P>There are a few who I wish would have tried to Plan A longer and follow the principles, but we all have our breaking points. But if some of the people here can Plan A for 18 months-2 years, everyone can do it for at least 6 months!!<P>God! I love this place! <P>Mitzi

OK.....so I was on the phone for another 2 hours (NO - I was not doing ALL THE TALKING!!)- then fell asleep printing out this multiple paged thread........stop copying all the replies will ya? You're using up my ink and paper!!!!<P>At least I had the foresight to set the alarm to this ungodly hour and make sure I write you something.....HAPPY? BTW - am doing this with no java - ran out of milk!! - NOT a good thing!!!! LOL!!!<P>Keeping that in mind for fair warning - onto the topic of this reunion thread...<P>Glad you brought this up.....WhoDat is right....definitely phases of the board. About a year or so ago, some of us had a similar idea to band together and form some "plan of action" to attempt a turn around for the negativity and misdirection the forums were stuck in then. <P>Worked for a bit.....<P>But, as with anything that has so many factors involved, it won't stay "steady" and upbeat all the time no matter what we attempt. We were lucky when we first started........at least I think so. <P>We had requested - back when the boards were revamped - that Read Only posts go back to the beginning of this site.....haven't seen it yet, so am assuming they aren't going to do it. Shame, cuz so much good insight and influence is back there to help. Add that to the Wonderful Work NSR (THANK YOU DARLIN'!!) put in on his compilation of resources and there is a complete self-help package at the ready to get anyone going in the right direction with their understanding, encouragement, direction and problem-solving needs......without having to be directed by just the current "phase" of the forums.<P>I was like a few others when I first started....read EVERYTHING - multiple times. Printed it all out.....2 huge binders full. Made notes on what I wanted to try to clarify with the people on the forums. <P>THEN I went to the boards....when I KNEW what this place was about. At least as much as my confused, pain-ridden mind was capable of grasping anyway. I lurked for a bit.....just to get a feel of the site, the people, the atmosphere.....<P>When I posted to someone, I searched their previous threads/posts to make sure I was aware of their story....got a sense of who they were....and had some inkling of what kind of encouragement they needed. <P>When I requested insight, I tried to make sure I was as specific as possible about what I was looking for : ie...certain situation experience, principle clarification, encouragement for ??? or simply venting.<P>I think a lot of folks acted similarly at that time......it seems that there was an overall aura of respect and consideration for the principles and the people that is sometimes now looked at as being stifling or judgemental to some. <P>I remember there was one person that seemed to attract a "rigamaro" whenever they showed up.....when I first saw people going at it - I was horrified......<P>BUT I didn't know what the history was so I stayed out of it.....had no business butting in till I AT LEAST knew what the fussing was all about.<P>I think that is a very good practice - lotta people want to talk, how many want to listen...let alone try to put themselves in another's shoes to help understand where they are coming from?<P>I haven't been a daily poster for a long time now.....WHY? Cuz my situation required me to not focus on marriage/relationships on a daily basis. Oh, I was stubborn about it.....didn't want to leave this safe and wonderful place that had kept me together for so long. <P>But it's always been about focus for me. For those who know me, you know that when I have something in my head - I have to work it through entirely before I can get it out of there and refocus on something else that I need to. Hate things hanging - that's how I lived for the few years before MB when things started unraveling. Too Much uncertainty....throws me completely off balance and keeps me confused and paralized. <P>I noticed it before I stopped posting with some consistancy....I would forget to respond to my threads, say I would be back on someone's and then forget till days later. I would be talking with someone and then wake up in the middle of the night panicked cuz I didn't check to see what they had said that day...Guilt, Guilt everywhere!!!!<P>It was too much....couldn't focus on living daily without a marriage and still being so focused on it for MB.........<BR>ESPECIALLY when things got/get so negative. I don't "do" negative very well!!!! After all, I am the one told that I was "too damn sunny all the time" LOL!!!!! <P>That brings me to what Heartpain (Hey Honey!!!) said - that I can come across like Sgt Carter......I didn't like that about myself. I was so engrossed with making sure everyone realized what I did so they could overcome their pain, that I started dictating just like a little Hitler!!!! NOPE....not me!!! YUCK!!! Didn't feel good with it and had to stop.<P>It was all simple frustrations.....but ones that I had to overcome before continuing to "help" here......that was not helping!!!<P>Enough for now.....need java!!! Going to go get that milk. Got plenty more to say - there's a shocker, huh?<P>God, it's early....Dunkin Donuts is open 24 Hours right?<P>HUGS,<P>Sheba <P>

Hey <B>k -</B> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>K Hey there lady. I am so glad you put the rumors to rest on your demise.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Did you have a sex-change recently? Could be the start of a <I>very</I> interesting thread. Just wanted to say that I have noticed that you were very good at keeping up with the people you shared your wisdom with. <B>JL</B> does the same thing. I never figured out where you guys found enough of yourselves to share so much time and effort with others. There are not many of your kind.<P><B>Sheba -</B> My dear Warrior Princess, I never intended my "Sgt. Carter" comment as a slur. I meant it as a complement. Don't go apologizing for your optimism. There were many times you kept me going with your positive outlook. And I needed those slaps with the frozen salmon every once in a while to shake me out of a funk. We sure have had some fun along with sharing our pain. This place and you guys saved me.... <P><B>Mitzi -</B>Yeah, I know about the MEGA-THREAD. I've probably ready every reply to that post. I'm glad you started it because you guys over there needed that release and fun!!<P><B>Sheryl -</B>Thanks dear friend for starting this post. Many, many "platonic" hugs to you!!! BTW, your new man does know about these platonic hugs, right?!? <p>[This message has been edited by Heartpain (edited April 13, 2001).]

<B>K</B><P>I must apologize about mistaking you for a woman. Please forgive me. I have been properly chastised for that error. There is another person whom I can't remember right now <B>PSABD</B> that I thought was a woman for a very long time and so did a few others. I am so sorry if I offended you or others by my error? <P>Maybe when someone comes across as sensitive and caring, I mistakenly assume they are a woman? Not fair I know, but then again you wonderful men on this site are from what I can see as the rarity in this world. Certainly not the majority.<P>So again I apologize. <P>I am still so very grateful for this site and the friends I have made here. Even though now I feel like an A$$. <P>Hugs,<P><BR>------------------<BR><B>God bless you and all of us. We are all going to make it, all of us! With God on our side we can't lose! What God has joined together let no man put asunder. <P>Samantha</B><p>[This message has been edited by A blessed Samantha (edited April 13, 2001).]

<B>K</B><P>I edited my post. It clearly shows you are a man! Again sorry.<P>Hugs,<P>------------------<BR><B>God bless you and all of us. We are all going to make it, all of us! With God on our side we can't lose! What God has joined together let no man put asunder. <P>Samantha</B><p>[This message has been edited by A blessed Samantha (edited April 13, 2001).]

Oh <B>Samantha</B>,<P><B>K</B> is probably gonna laugh his head off when he sees that you thought he was a lady for awhile!! He DOES have a sense of humor, believe me!!!<P>Okay, now I'm gonna go back and reply to everyone's thread!!! Be back!! <P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<BR>(a bit worse for the wear, but hanging in there)<P><B>Life <I>is</I> difficult</B>.<BR><I>The Road Less Traveled</I><BR>~M. Scott Peck

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by K:<BR><B>The news of my demise is a bit premature...</B><P>Heck, my wife has been out of town, and I'm running around like crazy taking care of kids and dogs---and I missed out on this (terrific) thread!<P>I really have had to cut back on MB boards---and I've really started to limit my advice to new posters, simply because I get very involved with checking up on them and giving them feedback. I usually limit myself to the ones that look like they can use a nudge in Steve's direction... . I can't believe the counseling is up to $120 a session---when I started it had just moved from $45 to $60. It's still a bargain: I remember having an appointment with Michele Weiner-Davis, and she was $225 at the time (and that was years ago).<P>I'm with the consensus that reading and rereading this whole site (with the exception of the forum) is one of the best things a beginner can do. When I started, this site was basically the concepts and the Q&A sections---no forum. And between the website, Harley's books, and Steve's counseling, I got moving in the right direction in a hurry. I do really worry that this forum, without the advice and guidance of "experienced" MBers, can end up causing more confusion and uncertainty about what path to take. But I simply don't currently have the 4-6 hours a day that it took for me to post like a madman. <P>Oh well---it's still great to get around here on occasion, and it's terrific to see all of you wonderful people giving a damn!<P> <HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Hey <B>K</B>,<P>Yeah, the cost of therapy with Steve or Michelle is right in line with therapists anywhere else. The difference is, I think, that they concentrate on SAVING THE MARRIAGE, and that's worth all the money in the world.<P>David and I were just last week speaking of this... my priest, as wonderful as she was, really was more concerned with "healing me" than "fixing my marriage"... had it been different, my outcome might have been different.<P>You have been missed, by the way. You're a fixture around here (one of those silver ones that hold dresses at WalMart -- tee hee).<P><P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<BR>(a bit worse for the wear, but hanging in there)<P><B>Life <I>is</I> difficult</B>.<BR><I>The Road Less Traveled</I><BR>~M. Scott Peck

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by terri:<BR><B>Sheesh... I'm insulted. Granted, I didn't take the "Plan B" advice, but nobody even mentioned me in the SIX PAGE THREAD????<P>::<P>I have been trying to post to the newcomers when I can. For all that I made the decision not to go to Plan B and that my Plan A didn't have the result we all hope for, I still believe in and truly DO understand the Harley principles. It IS so incredibly frustrating, however, to post a response and have it be completely ignored. I've developed a kind of "three strike" rule for myself in that regard - I will post messages of support to newcomers and I am happy to continue posting to them if they at least acknowledge at some point that I posted at all. But if they ignore me completely, and especially if they ignore me and answer posts all around me, it's quite frustrating. I will post twice more. If I get the same non-response or non-acknowledgement, I will devote my energies to someone else... I don't even mind if they post back that they think I am wrong, because at least I know they read my post, and that possibly I may have helped them think of another point.<P>My reasoning isn't mean-spirited in any way - I simply have seriously limited time to be here and have to use it in ways that I think are most productive. I am working 12 hours a day 3 days a week and sometimes all 5 days a week... and I work on Saturdays as well. In my spare time at home I am coding web pages... I don't get to play much!<P>Anyhow ... I decided I needed to remind y'all that I am still here - and that I've been here since ... since ... well, it has been so long that I've forgotten just how long it has really been! October 1998 - that's it!<BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Oh darlin' <B>terri</B>, you ARE still here, and you are NOT forgotten. <P>I know that we all can't be here like I have been lately -- it's only because I'm not working outside the home right now that I **can** be here so much.<P>And, Lord knows that I am NOT the best person to give some types of advice -- but heck, I speak from a kind of experience that not a lot of folks have around here have. No, I didn't save my marriage to David, but perhaps now that I am in another relatinship I will use what I've learned to make this one a "lifetime" success. I honestly hope so!! I'm actually counting on that!!<P>Anyway, <B>terri</B>, you have never been forgotten! <P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<BR>(a bit worse for the wear, but hanging in there)<P><B>Life <I>is</I> difficult</B>.<BR><I>The Road Less Traveled</I><BR>~M. Scott Peck

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Mitzi:<BR><B>You guys!<P>Just wanted you to know that I've loved reading this! Haven't had a lot of spare time but I have been able to catch up.<P>This is the kind of thread that I've loved most about MB! <P>Oh and Lori, Thanks! <P>Love ya,<BR>Mitzi </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Just <B>A BIG HEY TO MITZI</B>! <BR><P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<BR>(a bit worse for the wear, but hanging in there)<P><B>Life <I>is</I> difficult</B>.<BR><I>The Road Less Traveled</I><BR>~M. Scott Peck

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Sheba:<BR><B>OK.....so I was on the phone for another 2 hours (NO - I was not doing ALL THE TALKING!!)- then fell asleep printing out this multiple paged thread........stop copying all the replies will ya? You're using up my ink and paper!!!!<P>At least I had the foresight to set the alarm to this ungodly hour and make sure I write you something.....HAPPY? BTW - am doing this with no java - ran out of milk!! - NOT a good thing!!!! LOL!!!<P>Keeping that in mind for fair warning - onto the topic of this reunion thread...<P>Glad you brought this up.....WhoDat is right....definitely phases of the board. About a year or so ago, some of us had a similar idea to band together and form some "plan of action" to attempt a turn around for the negativity and misdirection the forums were stuck in then. <P>Worked for a bit.....<P>But, as with anything that has so many factors involved, it won't stay "steady" and upbeat all the time no matter what we attempt. We were lucky when we first started........at least I think so. <P>We had requested - back when the boards were revamped - that Read Only posts go back to the beginning of this site.....haven't seen it yet, so am assuming they aren't going to do it. Shame, cuz so much good insight and influence is back there to help. Add that to the Wonderful Work NSR (THANK YOU DARLIN'!!) put in on his compilation of resources and there is a complete self-help package at the ready to get anyone going in the right direction with their understanding, encouragement, direction and problem-solving needs......without having to be directed by just the current "phase" of the forums.<P>I was like a few others when I first started....read EVERYTHING - multiple times. Printed it all out.....2 huge binders full. Made notes on what I wanted to try to clarify with the people on the forums. <P>THEN I went to the boards....when I KNEW what this place was about. At least as much as my confused, pain-ridden mind was capable of grasping anyway. I lurked for a bit.....just to get a feel of the site, the people, the atmosphere.....<P>When I posted to someone, I searched their previous threads/posts to make sure I was aware of their story....got a sense of who they were....and had some inkling of what kind of encouragement they needed. <P>When I requested insight, I tried to make sure I was as specific as possible about what I was looking for : ie...certain situation experience, principle clarification, encouragement for ??? or simply venting.<P>I think a lot of folks acted similarly at that time......it seems that there was an overall aura of respect and consideration for the principles and the people that is sometimes now looked at as being stifling or judgemental to some. <P>I remember there was one person that seemed to attract a "rigamaro" whenever they showed up.....when I first saw people going at it - I was horrified......<P>BUT I didn't know what the history was so I stayed out of it.....had no business butting in till I AT LEAST knew what the fussing was all about.<P>I think that is a very good practice - lotta people want to talk, how many want to listen...let alone try to put themselves in another's shoes to help understand where they are coming from?<P>I haven't been a daily poster for a long time now.....WHY? Cuz my situation required me to not focus on marriage/relationships on a daily basis. Oh, I was stubborn about it.....didn't want to leave this safe and wonderful place that had kept me together for so long. <P>But it's always been about focus for me. For those who know me, you know that when I have something in my head - I have to work it through entirely before I can get it out of there and refocus on something else that I need to. Hate things hanging - that's how I lived for the few years before MB when things started unraveling. Too Much uncertainty....throws me completely off balance and keeps me confused and paralized. <P>I noticed it before I stopped posting with some consistancy....I would forget to respond to my threads, say I would be back on someone's and then forget till days later. I would be talking with someone and then wake up in the middle of the night panicked cuz I didn't check to see what they had said that day...Guilt, Guilt everywhere!!!!<P>It was too much....couldn't focus on living daily without a marriage and still being so focused on it for MB.........<BR>ESPECIALLY when things got/get so negative. I don't "do" negative very well!!!! After all, I am the one told that I was "too damn sunny all the time" LOL!!!!! <P>That brings me to what Heartpain (Hey Honey!!!) said - that I can come across like Sgt Carter......I didn't like that about myself. I was so engrossed with making sure everyone realized what I did so they could overcome their pain, that I started dictating just like a little Hitler!!!! NOPE....not me!!! YUCK!!! Didn't feel good with it and had to stop.<P>It was all simple frustrations.....but ones that I had to overcome before continuing to "help" here......that was not helping!!!<P>Enough for now.....need java!!! Going to go get that milk. Got plenty more to say - there's a shocker, huh?<P>God, it's early....Dunkin Donuts is open 24 Hours right?<P>HUGS,<P>Sheba <P> </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>You know <B>Sheba</B>, I guess I **should** quit trying to save the world, eh? <P>More than anything I got from your post here is that this is a *phase* and it will pass. <P>I really hope so.<P>All I know is that IN THE BEGINNING (insert creation-of-the-world music) everyone, and I mean EVERYONE used the concepts... even D99 and some other arguers had POINTS... not just meany-grams to share. <P>What I see the newbies getting here is some VERY GOOD ADVICE from both other "studied" and "honest" newbies or tried-and-true oldies (are we oldies?? :eek tempered with newbies who spout - "Just dump the bum" - I NEVER EVER heard to just DUMP THE BUM. In fact, I was told the EXACT OPPOSITE!!!!!<P>That's what I miss...<BR> <BR><P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<BR>(a bit worse for the wear, but hanging in there)<P><B>Life <I>is</I> difficult</B>.<BR><I>The Road Less Traveled</I><BR>~M. Scott Peck

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Chris (CA123):<BR><B>Howdlee doodlee neighbors!<P>I’m still around. Don’t post much at all anymore. Usually I only read a few messages a week.<P>It gets tiring reading the same thing over & over & over & over. Sometimes I really feel like letting a few people here have a piece of my mind (not that there is a great deal to go around ) because of the extremely poor & childlike advice which is given ie, “Get back at ‘em NOW!” <BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>WHOO HOO, it's <B>Chris</B>!!<P>Oh, give people a piece of your mind, please!!?? You have SO MUCH TO SHARE!! I understand it **seems** like you have precious little left but it simply isn't true. <P>You are someone to FOLLOW... lead them, man!<P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<BR>(a bit worse for the wear, but hanging in there)<P><B>Life <I>is</I> difficult</B>.<BR><I>The Road Less Traveled</I><BR>~M. Scott Peck

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Heartpain:<BR><B> There are many people there who can rightfully be called success stories. Maybe even better examples than some of us who are not(yet) divorced. Mitzi</B> is one(luv ya, girl), <B>Desiree, WilliamJ, Tim(Medic), Bob(RWD)</B> and many others(the ones I mentioned are the ones I came to know over the last two years) also qualify as "successes" even though their marriages failed. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I didn't see ME! Jeez, begin a thread and they forget all about you. <P><P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<BR>(a bit worse for the wear, but hanging in there)<P><B>Life <I>is</I> difficult</B>.<BR><I>The Road Less Traveled</I><BR>~M. Scott Peck