For some reason today is tough. My W has been at her sisters (for an emergency) since Tuesday. I have been doing good for several days now, but today is a hard one. I woke up in a bad mood . I have been short with the kids. All I think about is the fact that over the weekend my W says she is going to get away for Birthday (3wks from now). She says she just wants to get away, but my paranoia says she is meeting OM. She is emphatic that they have never met in person, so this may be the first time. I feel sick to my stomach thinking about it. I know she wants a divorce, but it still bothers me. <P>The funny thing is that when I asked her the other day if the separation means we are dating other people, she asked if I was an idiot and that of course we arent dating other people.<P>Any ideas on how to handle the bad days? Its early and I know its going to be bad.<P>S&C

It seems like we are in the same boat. My H said he need this weekend alone and I just can not stop thinking that he get some thing plan out with the OW.(see my post under trying to live2).<BR>I was trying to find a private detective to spy on him this weekend couple hours ago, but give up. I totally understand your feeling. I know what people will suggest but just can not do it. I feel OK couple hours and then terrible next.<BR>My story you can do a serch under-try to live2 and tryingtolive. let's stay strong, I know the bottom line is that we can not change what they are or aren't going to do. All we can do now is wait and try to show them our best side. It is hard I do not know if we will able to keep our mind off this. keep contact. Be strong.

It seems like we are in the same boat. My H said he need this weekend alone and I just can not stop thinking that he get some thing plan out with the OW.(see my post under trying to live2).<BR>I was trying to find a private detective to spy on him this weekend couple hours ago, but give up. I totally understand your feeling. I know what people will suggest but just can not do it. I feel OK couple hours and then terrible next.<BR>My story you can do a serch under-try to live2 and tryingtolive. let's stay strong, I know the bottom line is that we can not change what they are or aren't going to do. All we can do now is wait and try to show them our best side. It is hard I do not know if we will able to keep our mind off this. keep contact. Be strong.

Dear Sad,<P>The state of mind a Betrayed Spouse is in right after s/he finds out has been called an emotional rollercoaster. That doesn't describe the half of it!<P>It is amazing how some days are good and others are simply AWFUL!!! The good news (sort of) is that the bad days get to be fewer and fewer in time. And the hills and valleys grow less pronounced.<P>But there are those dreaded words: In time.<P>Remember, you can only control yourself right now. No one else. No other time. <P>I went to natural childbirth classes before my son was born. I went through 30 hours of unanesthesized labor by applying the principles I learned in that class. I have tried to apply those principles to my emotional life since I found out about the affair and have had some success.<P>The basic tips:<P>1. Deal only with the pain in this moment. Don't worry about the last one or the next one. Just deal with this one.<P>2. Each pain has a beginning, a middle, and AN END. Do not let yourself start to think that the pain will never end. It will.<P>3. Relax. Yes, in between and during each pain I relaxed. Did you ever swim in the ocean? If so, then you know that you cannot fight your way through currents and hope to get breaths when you need them. You need to float on the top. Float through the pain. Do something you enjoy just for you.<P>4. There will be another pain. Do not worry about it. It will come in its own time. But don't be surprised by it. The surprise hurts worst of all. An affair takes a long time to get over, but there will come a day when the pain is a memory.<P>5. It's okay to moan. Sometimes a moan will release tension and help you to focus. Just don't shriek. That makes you and everyone around you tense. As far as emotional pain of those bad days after D-day, I would suggest coming here or talking to a trusted friend to blow off steam (you don't want to blow off steam to the spouse: that can be a love buster--a "shriek" if you will).<P>I hope this helps. Hang in there.<P>All the best.<BR>--HBC