And don't even get me started on Teambuilding <spit><P>My husband is a senior manager at a big U.S. corporation. You'd know the name if I mentioned it, but I won't. He has always been a great husband & father & insists he loves me, but he has a pattern of being Every Single-Girl's Boyfriend at work and my husband only *outside* of work.<P>This has been going on for at least ten years now. He tends to get very attached to one girl - in both cases it's been his next-in-command, so they have to work *very* closely together - and then have a whole squad of others (always young, single, attractive) whom he allows to get very dependent and close to him. He knows all about their personal lives, gives them a big shoulder to cry on, and is their hero at work. <P>I used to work in the same place. Every day I watched The Parade - one girl after another making a point of talking to him, flirting with him, going to break or lunch or dinner with him. I did not enjoy seeing this, but what could I do? It was Just Work, as he says. They have to go to lunch and break together because they are just too busy to have their meetings during regular hours and so they have to do it this way.<P>And all the personal attention? According to him, this is:<BR>1)Part of Good Management<BR>2)Mandated by the company<BR>3)His style, which is *much* better than the other manager's styles and has been *great* for morale in the office.<P>This is sickening enough, but get this: while I was there, anytime I would go up to him it was Strictly Business. Arm's Length. We Are At Work, No Touching, No Nothing! I'll kiss you goodbye at home, but I'd rather die than do it at work! This other married couple who work here were seen holding hands and it has hurt their careers!<P>So then he would go back to all the flirting and touching with his young singles and expect me to watch.<P>I finally went ballistic on this last May. We were at a wedding reception. Some company bimbo I didn't even know came up to him, draped her arms around him, and told him to be sure to call her the next time he was in her city. I was sitting a few feet away. He never introduced me, never mentioned me, and to this day insists he has no memory of any such thing happening at this reception.<P>I despise this company. They come down *hard* on any kind of spousal interaction but give full approval to as much flirting and playing around as anybody else can get away with. Don't kiss your wife goodbye on company property, but feel free to flirt all morning long with your mini-skirted co-worker and then put her in your car and disappear for a 1 1/2 hour lunch. That is just fine.<P>And hey, they've got Teambuilding <spit> too! I refer to this as Company Sponsored Pimping. You get to go to lunch, or to dinner, or on an overnight trip with your attractive co-workers, with spouses prohibited, and the company pays for it!<P>All these big corporations do this now. And why not? It gets their employees all juiced up and *very* happy to spend long hours working together. Families are a big drain on productivity. You can't work if you're home with them. They just eat up time and money better spent on the Company.<P>I have finally gone ballistic, as I said, and am now insisting that this garbage has got to stop (hence the screen name - my husband's nickname for any crazy controlling woman is "psychob***h.) I only wish I had laid down the law a long time ago, but I wanted to be supportive and helpful - didn't want to be some kind of suspicious psychob***h - and look where it's got me.<P>I can't be the only one is this situation - what have the rest of you experienced in Corporate Land? <P>

This is why I hesitate to let my wife work because she just had an affair in China a couple of months ago and now is thinking to work. She got a job offer last week. No English? That's OK. No experience? That's OK, your hired. What do you think was on the guy's mind that wanted to hire her? I didn't let her do it. Later I found out from people that knew this guy that my suspicions were correct.

P_b.... <P>You have a right to be angry. There's no doubt.<P>I can only add a small note of what I have seen similar to this stuff. <P>My company has a Christmas party each year and spouses are not invited - It's a big deal apparently. I have never gone, but I have heard the 'stories'...as one might imagine. I have also heard from people that it's a 'good career move' to be seen attending. As if it solidifies your commitment to the company. So....maybe one of these years I'll get fired.<P>While I can see how it is good have some kind of a company spirit etc...this is ridiculous.<P>I think it's just bad news .....we are all isolated from each other enough with long hours of work and busy schedules. <P>Makes me sad.<P>Hope things work out for you...Best of luck, and take care of yourself!

Oh my gawd, I SO AGREE!!<P>Hey, I worked at a community college, and teamwork {love the <spit>} was the keyword of the decade!!<P>In that situation, I was the WS -- I had an affair with a co-worker, slept with him once, ended it. I had been married 19 years at that time. Sickening. And then I had to go back to work with the OM. Day after day, month after month... until I quit. Best move **I** <B>ever</B> made!!<P>My ex had affairs too (five of 'em) and usually within the context of social situations (he worked with a couple, went to church with two - blech). <P>Yep, ick all the way around.<P>I understand what you're saying... and my gosh... you can WRITE!!! I laughed, I cried... you're an excellent writer!<P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<BR>(a bit worse for the wear, but hanging in there)<P><B>Life <I>is</I> difficult</B>.<BR><I>The Road Less Traveled</I><BR>~M. Scott Peck

I totally agree! H also works for a major international corporation that enables affairs to happen. They work people to the bone so they are rarely home to spend time with their families, then have men and women travel together for days even weeks at a time. If that isn't a breeding ground for affairs, I don't know what is!

I understand what you're saying... and my gosh... you can WRITE!!! I laughed, I cried... you're an excellent writer!<P>Thanks for the compliment - and if you need another laugh for today, try this:<P>I am a published novelist. You can find my books in any chain bookstore. Which department? The romance section. Yes, I write happily-ever-after romance novels and just sold book #5 to my New York publisher.<P>I think this is just a riot in view of my current situation. I am supposed to be writing book #5 right now but I can't even look at the stuff with everything else that is going on. It's tough to write happy love stories when you have to watch The Parade every day, with my husband walking around with his little short-skirted tarts hanging all over him. I'd rather be writing murder mysteries or maybe science fiction where the world ends and everybody DIES.<P>Oh, well, as I said, those days of watching The Parade are over. Think my publisher would mind if I changed my pen name to "Psycho *****?"<BR>

I'm dying to know---WHO ARE YOU? And more importantly, I want to read your books---I, too,loved your post!!

<<<I'm dying to know---WHO ARE YOU? And more importantly, I want to read your books---I, too,loved your post!!>>><P>I can't say, of course, but I will tell you that I am NOT anyone famous and I'd be surprised if you'd heard of me offhand. I just thought it was pretty funny that a romance novelist, who gets paid to write happy love stories, is having to do it while going through this kind of pain.<BR>

My H had an affair with a co-worker also due to the corporate employer enabling long after-hours work. H and OW thought they were being so discreet while the office gossiped behind their backs, but did nothing, even though several of them knew me. The A didn't really end until H got a job with a different company. We are in the second year of recovery and doing well (THANK GOD). I will never forgive the managers at his old company for what they did, or rather, didn't do about the A.

Psycho;<BR>I read this post earlier today and got excited because I could add a few things to your corporate land overview and it just brought to light some of the things that I believe I have felt but never put into words.<P>I am WS and my A partner is a co-worker - we still work in same company but are slowly being able to be friends in a way that is work related. We have been "clean" for little over six months now but still interact regarding work - some days much harder than others. I knew I was attracted to this person by day three of my employment there. I have been there for over five years now.<P>Our company has a corporate psychologists and he administers a personality profile before any person is hired. They say that it is for fun only and is not weighted for the hiring decision..yeah right. <P>So, in essence, you have a fairly large group of people with the exact personality types (or only the ones that work well together) and it is like a commune of sorts. Most of us think alike, problem solve in the same processess and are well balanced. We lend to somewhat analylitical but are somewhat communicative and we all have similiar sense of humor. I sometimes feel like a droid of sorts because we are all so similar. Tis very bizarre, but on the flip side we run an extremely efficient company. <P>My affair partner did feel like a lost soulmate to me...WOW...have I ever learned so much from this website and Dr. Harley's books. I am working on making my husband my soul mate at this time and are making some progress. <P>I Love the job that I have but I too could <spit> on this whole personality/job/profile thing as there are a few questionable relationships that I see with other co-workers who had very stable families before working at this company.<P>Our company does whole company trips too - charters the whole plane but we dont stay overnight. They are very particular about keeping us away from our families. <P>I really appreciate the company I work for and they are extrememly good to me but and I am thankful for having a good job. However, in the efforts to run a tightended/highly efficient technology company in a very fast paced field they have grouped together folks with a common mission, similar education and training - all working together; this creates many emotions that I have never faced until working here. I have wised up a bit and am more prepared before anything snowballs again and feel like I know ways to protect myself. I have worked in a few other places - faced paced companies and never felt overwhelmed or out of control until I came to work here when it came to another man or co-worker. <P>so sorry for your frustration with your husband's job....I think that in a lot of cases the corporate world is just a big pig pile...

been there, done that. it was sickening. <spit><BR>the only *sorta* funny thing i can add is that H had our phone number changed (the first of MANY times--to keep OW from calling me, i suppose), and left the number with the secretary, but not well-labeled, and she called my house and sounded hesitant, and asked for, "Mr. OW"? I knew who she was, but didn't let on, but it very much sealed my suspicions.<BR>

Hon, I can SO relate. My dh works for a fortune500 company and was traveling overseas when he had his PA. His boss, who was traveling with dh would spend many hours together (after hours, that is) at bars and would nix spending company $$ calling their wives back home, but oh boy what a bar tab they would rack up. Fortunately, he realized pretty quickly that it was not at all conducive to a happy and healthy marriage and said he wouldn't be traveling anymore (that was 3 years ago), but it can be very enticing it seems to them. <P>Your husband will have to understand that he has a wonderful wife like you who loves him and who he loves and give up the short term ridiculous fantasy world he is choosing to live in for now. He's making up excuses like 'company frowns upon public displays of affection' in favor of flirtations with single co-workers...give me a break. I just can not tell you how much more you're worth than that. That doesn't mean you pack it up and leave the marriage at all, but that at least he knows you know what's going on.<P>I probably can't give you any worthy advice, but I do think that separating yourself from his extracurricular activities would be the best thing right now. Find something that makes YOU happy for now.

Hey, psycho_b, would you be willing to read some sample chapters of something I'm working on and give some suggestions as to how to see if there's publisher interest?<P>If so, e-mail me: filmgeek55@hotmail.com<P>I think there are two types of companies that foster this sort of thing: One is the kind that does a lot of psychobabble, "teamwork", "one big happy family" sort of thing, where people are just thrown together frequently, lots of after-work get-togethers, socializing, etc., without spouses. The other is the kind of company where sexual license is actively encouraged. I used to work for one of the latter kind.<P>This was a company where they put a gym on-site so the president of the company could look at his female employees in shorts. Where the head of personnel was caught in flagrante delicto with the (married) head of the creative department in a coat closet at the Christmas party. Photos were taken, which ended up in the year retrospective at the following year's Christmas party. Where one gal was engaged to one guy and doing the nasty with his (married) boss in the latter's office. It was amazing. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. And if you were offended, you weren't a "team player."<P>I've been in very close working environments with men where nothing resulted. Sexual tension is NOT an inevitable result of men and women working together. I think certain things foster that environment. Overnight trips are a potential problem IF one or both people is perhaps a bit bored or unhappy in the marriage. After all, who will know? Socialization without spouses is a potential problem. But most people who are OK at home can manage to navigate these minefields. <P>There are no 100% guarantees that a spouse won't "slip" out of loneliness on a long trip, or cluelessness about someone's signals. However, ultimately the risk is less when the spouse is happy at home.