I have been lurking this post for about 3 months. I have noticed that most of the ws return home or have least admitted to a mistake. Do you think the other ones are really happy or they do not what admit that they have egg on their faces. ( made a mistake)

I do believe SOME are too embarrassed to return, the shame of facing betrayed spouse, family, friends, etc. They would rather not deal with it or too much pride to admit what a mistake they made in leaving in the first place, so they will hint around to it to feel the betrayed spouse out to see if the door is still open for them to return. Some can't understand how the betrayed spouse would want them back without having "something up there sleeve". Meaning they are afraid the betrayed spouse is only pretending to want them back but is going to cheat or get revenge in some way. JMO

Hi <P>as a betrayer, i can honestly say that it is an eye opener to what you have done to peopel around you. Why do we come back? the truth is, most of havent stopped loving our spouses, life just got in the way, marriages went to hell, and someone else made life look good again. Although, with walking inot infidelity blindly, i never expected for life to suck so badly . Infidelity looked to me like an easy way out of a marriage that was destined for hell(as far as i was concerned).<P>as a betrayer comes around, the lights come on full force and the guilt, horror of it all closes in and you realize what a putz you have been. <P>I think wiht time, most can be happy. We never want to go back to the "way things were" because truthfully, that is where the problem was ..... but we'd all like to go on and hopefully forget/forgive, and live a happier life.<P>As the betrayer, i can say that i am awfully sorry for taking my family down the horrid path of hell. My family(children) have never been the same. You can see the unstableness of the household . I am sorry for the hurt i caused, but i also am angry for the path i chose to take rather than figure out another way to catch my H attention.<P>I personaly feel that when someone one admit their mistake and go on with life being "happy", they are avoiding their problems. My sis for example, just found out her husband has been unfaithful their WHOLE marriage. there has been 5 different women. She has just had an affair of her own (which was totaly unlike her) and when her H found out about hers, he admitted his own. Well 2 mo. later, they say their marriage is the greatest it is has ever been and there isnt anything to work on and dont we all nkow better. He wont admit it was a mistake either. She is under constant suspicion, she cant go anywhere with out calling..ect ect....sooooo there is a cover up to some marrital problems.<P>well.....ive rambled long enough,<BR>mercy

As a betrayer I regret how my first marriage ended but I do not regret that it ended. If a spouse really wants out of the marriage they will not fence sit, they will not have second thoughts and they will not tell you that they still love you. On these particular boards these people hear those things from their WS. If the WS is doing those things or saying those things there is still a chance that the marriage could work.