<BR>H and I have been separated since Oct. During that time he has worked out of state and works with the OW in that state. When he is back in the area, he stays with her and visits our son randomly for only a few hours. I have been swaying emotionally because he has basically shut me out of his life. I have told him that I want the marriage, but when I am angry I tell him that if he wants a divorce I will give it to him. I have asked him to attend counseling.<P>He came in this weekend without notice and stoppd by the house. A male friend was here helping me do a few things around the house. H got an attitude with OM (we are just friends) preceded to tell him that he could leave when I wasn't around and then comes into the house and informs me that he filed for divorce on March 27. I told him that I didn't want this and I hadn't received any paperwork. <P>He then proceeds to tell me that we need to end this marriage so that we can start fresh and maybe start being friends again and maybe that might lead to a remarriage.(What?????)<P>Next I asked him to go with me to a Pastor that I have been counseling with. He hesitated and then said okay. Luckily the Pastor agreed to meet with us yesterday and we were with him for 3 hours. <P>After we left nothing more was said about the divorce. I invited him back to the house to decorte eggs and that he was welcome to come over Easter morning to see our son get his easter basket. He came back to the house for about an hour and then left saying that if he decided to come over for Easter he would call.<P>I have heard nothing from him He did tell our neighbor who he is extremely close to that he just needs consistency, that he is tired of moving in too many different directions.<P>Any comments. I need them

This whole thing about divorcing so you can become friends again, so that you can then think about remarriage...seems to be a common theme. I take that to be fog/confusion of some sort. It just doesn't make any sense, so there must be confusion in there.<P>I bet the male friend in your house would bother him, who knows how much.<P>Did anything constructive some out of the meeting with the Pastor?<P>I also look at the fact that he sees your son only randomly as a sign of confusion and whatever else you want to call it (fog maybe....I just hate to overuse that term). I can't understand how someone can not want to see their child receiving their Easter bunny basket. Isn't that crazy.<P>I can imagine that your emotions sway when he has basically shut you out, and shows such little interest in your son. Hang in there because as you know, you are taking the moral high ground and doing the right thing. I hope that he wakes up and smells the coffee some day.<P>

Dear Mische,<P>My H also asked for a D then proceeded to ask if he could remarry me if things did not work out for him out there. I could not believe he could even ask for such a thing. I told him No. I would not be a 2nd option. <P>H ordered the do it yourself divorce book, got the cd with the forms but never did anything (yet). He has had it for over 2 months. OW is itching for him to get started. I am surprised she has not filled it out for him. She seems to do everything else (very controlling OW). <P>When they talk like that, I think they are still confused and want to keep their options open. Since my H was in the fog while he was talking like that, I asked him back if I could do that to him?!?!? This threw him for a little loop and he said: NO. OK, then I said he would understand why I need to say no. End of discussion. <P>Whenever, H says something off the wall like that, I throw it back in H's face in the reverse mode. This tends to make him think (thinking is healthy for those in the fog). OW does not want H to think, she would rather do the thinking. <P>The comment your H made to your neighbor about needing consistency in his life, is a good place to start. My H said he wanted stability back in his life. H knows I have stability. H is afraid OW is not a stable person (I think she isn't stable, but my opinion might be slightly biased). <P>Trying working with your H from that point of him wanting consistency in his life. When you get the opportunity to communicate with him, show him how you have been stable and consistent in your life. Ask him how he is doing. It may take a while. Men are a proud beast, they are slow to admit they need help, even if it is real obvious. <P>Hope this is helpful. <P>Take Care,<BR>L.<P>