Husband has been having an affair for an unknown amount of time. Wife has tried to get the husband to move out of the house. She has even packed the husband's belongings. However, the husband will not leave. He still resides in the same house and continues to have his affair. It is difficult for the wife to move because there are children that would have to be moved. <P>Please send your suggestions.<P>Thanks in advance.

First and foremost...<BR>...the W has to check with an attorney from their own state...<BR>...since state laws are so different.<P>Most state laws will not force one party out of the house, if both have legal claims; unless there is proven abuse in the house (please don't take the route of fabricating such a claim... it could backfire)<P>How long has the affair been known?...<P>Is legal separation (also check with your lawyer on this too) not a possibility?<P>If you need to <B>protect</B> yourself legally (and/or financially)... I usually make the recommendation of finding a <B>good</B> attorney. A good place to start off is at the <A HREF="http://lawyers.martindale.com/marhub/form/by.html" TARGET=_blank>Martindale-Hubbell Lawyer Search</A> site. Do a search within your county... look for only "family law" specialists(>80% in divorce/custody/etc.)... make sure they do a lot of "family law committee work"... if they know the judges all the better... You can normally find a few that will give initial counseling free of charge.<BR><A HREF="http://www.uslaw.com" TARGET=_blank>USLaw.com</A> (an alternative search site)<P> <P>Jim

Well, I have been there. Now that H is out, He basicallly tells me it is my fault, I asked him to leave. Silly isn't it. <P>I know how difficult it was for me to live with H is house while having an A, I knew about it, family, friends, everyone knew! He wouldn't leave. I don't know why. I only found MB after I filed for D, in Jan. Although we had sep. bedrooms since NOv, I found out about A in May 2000 and H just moved out 2.5 weeks ago.<P>I guess it all depends on where you are in the A stage, do you want to save marriage, or are you ready to throw in the towel. If you want to save your marriage, stay here, call the Harleys, find a support system, be good to yourself, and know that this SUCKS. it isn't fair, it is the hardest thing you will do in your life, pray, take care of kids, reading SA , etc. Do what you can, but don't let it eat you alive, call your MD, get meds, do what ever you need to do to take care of yourself. <P>Don't beg him, don't plead with him, don't cry and let him see that he controls your life---HE DOESN'T. Sometimes they feel trapped and they don't know how to express it any other way besides an A. <P>Come to this forum and read and vent and cry and scream because you will be on the biggest roller coaster ride of your life.<P>Take care,<P>Hopelessmom

isthisit:<P>I agree with NSR about finding good legal counsel. It's best to get that done right up front so it doesn't come back to get you....<P>As far as getting him to leave...<P>Why doesn't he want to leave? Are you sure you really want him to?<P>Have you read all of the info on this site about recovering from affairs? It can be done.<P>Blessings to you.<BR>Kat =^^=