Every month, we have to see or hear from the OW because of the child she and my H had as a result of their infidelity. My H wanted child support, but the OW's H does not want my H anywhere near his W or any of his children. The OW, however, wants my husband to pay, pay, pay, also w/o any "benefits," for lack of a better word. At any rate, we worked out a deal between the OW and my H through an attorney.<P>I am a reasonable woman; I know it is not the baby's fault that he is here, but I have to be honest and admit that the fact that my H thought so little of our vows or his morals in order to have an affair with this woman hurts so bad, but to have to constantly be reminded of it not just by seeing the OW, but my seeing the baby who looks a lot like my H is almost unbearable.<P>My H was and continues to be the only man I have ever been intimate with; supposedly when we married, I was the only woman he had been with. I never wanted to marry a man who had been married or who had children because I have seen the problems and pain it caused in other people's lives.<P>It seems so unfair that now the playing field has changed for me. I have lost so much because of my H's affair. I have so much to deal with because of my H's affair. I realize that because of the baby, there will always be some type of "connection" between my H and this OW. And that is why I am stillinpain. <P>Any advice from someone out there who is in a situation <BR>similar to mine? <P>This problem is making it hard for me to forgive my husband like I should even though as a Christian, I know I must forgive in order to be forgiven.<BR>

Hi,<P>MB has broken up the board to include a place where you will find TONS OF SUPPORT. You'll find women who are in YOUR EXACT POSITION over on the board called "Pregnancy/Child" and you can go right there by clicking on this link:<BR> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/forumdisplay.cgi?action=topics&forum=Pregnancy/Child&number=35&DaysPrune=10&LastLogin=" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/forumdisplay.cgi?action=topics&forum=Pregnancy/Child&number=35&DaysPrune=10&LastLogin=</A> <P>I'm sorry for your situation... I think it must be the MOST DIFFICULT of the whole infidelity story...<P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<BR>(a bit worse for the wear, but hanging in there)<P><B>Life <I>is</I> difficult</B>.<BR><I>The Road Less Traveled</I><BR>~M. Scott Peck

Ditto what new beginning said--you'll find us all at the "pregnancy" board.<P>If XOW and her H is going to insist on tons on ch-support, you and H can try the visitation route. Even if you have no intention of following through with seeing the babe (yes we who live it know he is both innocent and a painful reminder!), preteending to go aggressively for visiation should scare them into backing off. Make it clear to them (together, as a couple), that you would PREFER them to raise the child together as a family unit, but that if your H has to provide so much financial support that you will go to court to demand liberal visitation or joint custody. Sometimes this works!<P>Best wishes,<BR>J 2++ years into recovery!