Hi Lost,<P>I have read some of your story. I was asked by a member on another forum (infidelity.com) to post here at marriage builders to see if I may be of some assistance to you.<P>I had an 5 year affair with OW that I confessed to over two years ago. I have not contacted the OW in about 22 months. It was a roller coaster ride through reconciling with my W, but I am glad that we did all the work necessary to rebuild our marriage. Today it is once again very passionate, loving and strong. The love we have is very deep. We have been married for close to 19 years now and we have one daughter. I put my W through hell and back from this. She gave me a second chance and I am not about to lose that. I learned my lesson big time and hate myself for ever getting involved in an affair to begin with. If you like you can ask me questions and I will answer them if it helps you get a better perspective of what your H is going through. I do know that as much as you want the pain to go away he wants the shame and guilt for causing you that pain to go as well. But you two are just at the beginning of the ride and it will not be an easy one. First thing I also thought was "whats the use I caused to much damage to make this marriage work." I was wrong and I was very shocked that my W was able to still tell me she loved me after I confessed the most hurtful thing to her. My W if a member and I will be joining as well under Infidelity.com site. It is mostly for those who have been betrayed but if a person who was the cheater or OW/OM goes there to show their remorse and what they are doing to heal and not cause pain there they will be welcomed to post. They like here do not need anyone to post if the sole purpose is to cause pain. It is a very good forum to work through what you are going through. This site and the other seem to be the best sites in regards to healing from affairs for the married couple wanting to learn from their mistakes and to move forward together or on their own. You are not alone and the pain you share is felt by many. I regret everyday what I have done and vowed to never allow this to happen and cause my W such pain every again.<P>Hang in there and let me know what I can answer for you.<P>the lucky half