Hi everyone, i'm still new to this forum and really need some opinions. my husband of two years and i are having some very confusing problems. We have been in counseling for about 5 month now but so far it jsut doesn't seem to do too much for us. first of all after we got married, he changed a lot, he has a temper that's not always easy dealing with, and alot of times i just feel incredibly alone. Sometimes i wish i was all by myself because he hurts me emotianlly alot, and seems very inconsiderate at times. I don't enjoy sleeping with him anymore at all.<BR>We already had a lot of other issues that caused hurt and also big trust issues. i don't know when to put a stop to this. My friends told me quite some time ago, that this doens't seem to go anywhere. I love him , very much, but is it possible that two people can hurt each other more than do any good? how does that happen?<BR>I'm not one to let go or give up easily, and this is what i'm getting confused about...i have a lot of faith in people, and a lot of hope everytime, but my best friened told me a few days ago that this is what will hurt me the most. <BR>she said she tinks i'm too hopefull and i should consider my hurt and relise that he is not respecting me. <BR>I'm soo tired of the rollercoaster ride i'm on all the time. there are days i'm full of hope and there are others where i jsut want to run away.<BR>Am i hanging on to a fanasy?<BR>my h and i both feel frustrated with each other at times, at the same time he tells me that he loves me and is actually quite happy. I'm not really happy, and his action often don't show that he really cares for me. <BR>I'm terrified of becoming pregnant. i know he is not ready and might not be the right person to be a father at all. <BR>that's one of my fears that make the sex so unenjoyable. <BR>we do take good precautions but nothing is 100% right?<BR>i'm extremly confused about what to do. <BR>i need to make up my mind but i don't know how to. (does that make sense?) <BR>any thoughts?<P>thanks, <BR>Sammy<P> <BR>

Sammy,<P>Have you read the Marriage Builders concepts? Love Busters, etc? Sounds as if you & your H might benfit from filling the worksheets that you can print out here. Try talking to one of the Harley's, maybe it would help more than what you are doing?Good Luck.

Hi sing, thank you very much for your reply. <BR>I am familiar with he Marriage builders concept and read alot of the articles and other information. <BR>We never tried counseling with the harveys because my husband really wanted to talk to someone in person, preferably not just over the phone. He doens't really like the general idea of counseling, he always says that he feel like he has to owe up to someone, and everyting we do has to be justified all the time. We have been with a differnt counselor before, which we both didn't like too much, and found a couple that we are in counseling with now. i think that they are doing a very good job. i guess the reason why it didn't really help us yet is because my husband doens't really care about it. <BR>We have done the Emotional Needs Questionaire, and we tried to work with it a little bit, but everytime we talk about our relationship in general he starts to feel overwhelmed <BR>and doens't want to talk about "these things".<BR>I'm not sure how tod eal with this, i usually back off after a while too, because i don't want to push him to do this or to listen, otherwise he will hate it even more. <BR>He is willing to meet with the counselors ones or twice a month, but a lot that is beeing digusted there doens't seem to reach into his heart but only from one ear to another. <BR>I'm sorry i don't mean to grumble. i don't really know what to do next. <BR><p>[This message has been edited by Sammy (edited April 17, 2001).]

Sammy,<P><BR>What about you talking to the Harleys yourself. I talk to Jennifer once over a yr ago but because of the hours I was working I couldn't ever fit it. I know it was nights but you have to be at home or mobile phone range.<P>But what I have gathered from people who have talked with them they give you a plan. I know not having a plan, & just seeing what happens has made recovery that much harder for my H & me. Of course he doesn't really want to rebuild our lives either, he just wants to say he tried so he doesn't look as bad. <P>There is a thread going over on the recovery board that might be of help to you. Here is the link:<BR> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum31/HTML/002821.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum31/HTML/002821.html</A> <P>Go down to K's post. She has some good advice, ideas<P>Also on another thread to Preserving there is an idea from peppermint about using jars & marbles on seeing how you are meeting each other's EN's. <P>Wish I had advice I have been failing at this for 2 yrs now.<P>Good luck.<BR><p>[This message has been edited by sing (edited April 18, 2001).]

Hi sing, thank you very much for your reply again, i'm going to check the other posting you mentioned. <BR>thanks again, and good luck to you too!<BR> Sammy