Nearly three weeks since d-day...<P>Wife (WS) moved out nearly four weeks ago.<P>She tells me she loves me but can't make a commitment.<P>This is what she said today:<P>"Nothing in my world seems right and I’m not sure how to go about fixing it. Everything is all topsy turvy and nothing seems to make sense. Maybe this is a normal feeling as I struggle with whatever it is inside me that is holding me back."<P>How do we BS's make any sense of this? Or does this in itself make some sense in some crazy way?<P>Patience is hard...<BR> <P>

Hi Elad,<P>I just went back and read some of your former post and saw that I did respond a few days ago. Like yourself, I kept asking myself to find some logic in this mess. Reality shows (thanks to some great people here) that there is no sense in dealing with our spouses when they are in the fog of despair because of their A. <P>Knowing that armed me with the ability to make it my aim to learn how to deal with my H. I no longer worked on being logical, just being his friend, being patient and giving him space until his mind began to come back to normal or come out of the fog. <P>What you can do in the meantime is read up on the books surviving an Affair, his needs/her needs, take the questionnairs on this site. The emotional needs questionnaire is quite revealing. Your wife may be open to that. Also a phone session with the Harley's maybe helpful. Even if it is just for you. <P>Remember your wife has admitted that she is confused and does not know. This in itself is an admittance that she knows she needs help. But at times she (due to the fog stuff) may not want it as badly as you feel she needs it. Is that confusing? Yes, it is because she is in the fog. <P>Strengthen yourself. One day, your wife will tell you she is ready to accept your help. From what you are posting that may come sooner than some of our spouses. <P>I wish you the best in recovery. <BR>In the meantime, take care and prepare. <BR>L.

Elad - Orchid said it well. Harley told me to remember you can't reason with a drunk. Consider yourself lucky that your wife recognizes that things aren't right with her. For most of the rest of us BSs, we're the "problem."<P>WAT