I have been with my wife 6 yrs and been married the last 2 yrs. We have no kids and i'm 28 and she is 27. we have been separtated for a month, and she just served me with the divorce papers. She has fallen for a married man that she works out with at the gym. She says he is everything that she has always wanted in a guy, and that they were meant to be together. I admitt i got depressed last summer from personal problems that had nothing to do with her. To tell you the truth i really didnt know i was depressed if that makes any sense. Well in the course of my depression i started to not meet her EN's and i stopped being out going. I also stopped taking care of my body. I stopped working out. Well my wife is a very active person. she always has been. so she found a guy at the gym to work out with and started staying at the gym with him later and later. I feel so rejected. She doesnt act like she is hurt at all the she and i are divorcing. She says that she has to find herself, and that she feels she has been shown the path. And that I am just not want she wants anymore, she said she is a different person than she was when we met 6 yrs ago. She doesnt call me or contact me at all. but she said that she still wants to be friend. I told her that i cant go backwards and just be her buddy. Im having a hard time moving on.

Hi BioMan,<P>I am just going to reitterate what I told you over on the D/D board --<P>If you do not want the divorce -- DO NOT SIGN THE PAPERS.<P>I won't repeat everything I wrote to you over there -- but I hear the anguish in your post -- you love your wife, you got depressed and when she should have HELD YOU UP in your illness, she looked for an outlet.<P>She is in a fog right now. <P>The affair is HER RESPONSIBILITY, not yours.<P>You are ONLY responsible for your part in the breakdown of your marriage -- NOT FOR HER SEEKING OUTSIDE COMFORT.<P>Take care.<P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<BR>(a bit worse for the wear, but hanging in there)<P><B>Life <I>is</I> difficult</B>.<BR><I>The Road Less Traveled</I><BR>~M. Scott Peck

BioMan, I have a question for you: is your W's MM planning on leaving his marriage?<P>As a former WS, I can tell you that I thought my OM was wonderful, that we were meant to be together, etc. The reality was much different. Every WS thinks that their situation is "special", that they've met their "soulmate". Oh, please.<P>An affair is a fantasy and nothing more. It's easy to think that someone is the love of your life when there are no responsibilities, no bills, no tedium of daily life. When that fantasy comes crashing down (as it most often does), your W will be very disillusioned. And if her MM has no plans on leaving his W, she'll be MORE than disillusioned.<P>I'm sorry you're hurting so much. I wish you strength and courage.

thanks so much for the encouragment. I really dont know if he is going to leave his wife. my wife told me that he has had problems with his wife before, and that he was trying to work things out with her. But my wife seems to be getting everything in order so if he does leave her she will be ready. I understand about the "FOG" but other than being married to me she has no other resonsibilities to me. We have no kids, we lived in a nice apartment, and she makes great money. So to tell you the truth i feel like she really doesnt need me. I realize that it is just my depression causeing me to think that, but she acts like that now the divorce is coming she can get on with her life.<P>New_beginning...i do understand what you saying about Not signing the papers. and i really thought about contesting it. I can contest any grounds for up to 18 months. But the type of person she is, doing that would not bring her closer to me, she would be so mad that she would never talk to me.

Bio Man,<P>Don't sign anything. Your wife says she wants to be "just friends," but my bet is that she hasn't ever thought about the result of all of this--that if she follows through with all of this you will not be in her life at all. She is in a fog, things are "wonderful" with OM. It may take time and some plan A'ing on your part. This will be the hardest thing you do in your life, but it will be worth it. OM is nothing but an illusion. She will see that if you play your cards right and hang in. If you know she is what makes you happy, fight for her. <P>You'll win in the end. Be strong. You'll get good ideas here. Take care of yourself also.<P>JB

Hi BioMan,<P>The reason to not sign the papers is NOT to bring her closer to you...<P>It is for YOUR piece of mind... <P>It is so that you can look in the mirror a year from now, or ten years from now, and know that you did all you could to save your marriage.<P>You are not at the point of "giving up" yet. If you were, I'd say hey, go for it, sign the papers and get on with your life.<P>Yeah, she'll be mad... maybe she'll cling onto the OM right now... and maybe, just maybe, she'll see him for who he really is: an opportunist who gives her a quick fix.<P>No judgement from me, Bio, just concern. <P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<BR>(a bit worse for the wear, but hanging in there)<P><B>Life <I>is</I> difficult</B>.<BR><I>The Road Less Traveled</I><BR>~M. Scott Peck

My friend was involved with a married man. He will leave wife for me. Guess What! She is forty years old with no childred and the married man stayed with his wife. She is a big fool.