I posted this in recovery forum, but wanted to get more input so I thought I'd post here, too.<P>H(WS) and I seem to be in and out of recovery. H tells OW that he wants to work on marriage, but "no contact" does not last very long. Now, it seems almost as if H is avoiding me. I realize that I was obsessing about the A and making H very uncomfortable. H told me that he guaranteed that we would spend more time together if I would stop asking questions. Also, I was breaking down almost everytime I spoke with H. So, now I am afraid that I have alienated H, although I am trying to not talk about our feelings, etc.<BR>I am just so confused because H tells me that he knows that he does not want to be with OW. H tells me that he thinks that our marriage is worth saving. Then, why doesn't he seem to be committed to stopping contact once and for all and focusing on rebuilding? I know that H is VERY busy at work. There are alot of problems at work, etc. Any ideas on what I should do? I feel like I have waited so long already.<P>Also, I was wondering if anyone has any advice on a WS who is a rescuer (i.e. H feels sorry for OW; her car is always broke down so she can't work, has no money, afraid her kids will be taken away, etc.). I am really starting to believe that H is being honest regarding the fact that the relationship is not sexual. H says he is getting nothing out of the relationship, but does admit that he feels good about helping her kids. My counselor has pointed out that H's need to rescue is obviously a problem. H, himself even has stated on one occasion about moving out of state so "he could be away from her sob stories."<P>I have briefly discussed H's tendency to rescue with him. However, H was at work and seemed preoccupied with his work. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I am really feeling desperate at this point. I am beginning to wonder whether H really wants to save our marriage or not. I ask him if he needs a month or so to think. He says no he likes to talk to me and he doesn't know if he needs anytime, let alone a month. H has also said that he wants our marriage to be like it was 7 years ago.<P>By the way, I have spoken with Jennifer Chalmers on several occasions. Last Thursday, Jen recommended that I go to Plan B because H just doensn't seem ready to totally commit. I prepared the letter but have not yet sent it. I think that there is a lot going on in H's life right now and that he just may be focused on work. Therefore, I am afraid to give him the plan B letter and further alienate him. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.<P>dolphin <BR>