My husband blew up last evening. I got the latest cell phone bill in and saw that he had tried to call the OW when he was gone out of town. The call was made on 3-l0. He had just given me his "Let me go and prove to you that you can trust me" speech. His affair ended on 2-6. On 2-14 he supposedly came clean and ended it. <P>He never did reach her I'm sure because she is now screening her calls, and he did come home. But, he is denying ever making the call. Yes, I am sure the cell phone company makes many errors in their billing.<P>A coincidence? Funny, he had been tested for STD the week previously and had accidently picked up the condoms they'd given him when he grabbed for his cigarettes before he left for the trip. The condoms were in a small package covered by a felt cover.<P>I really feel that this man is so full of it. He will not be truthful with me, All I want is truth. Good or bad, at least I'd have something. If I am to build a relationship how in the world can I do it when he lies. <P>He was furious with me for going over the bill, said it was over, he didn't want to hear about it anymore and to drop it or else.<P>

ouch!<P>hold strong K9 yove done nothing wrong, you have all the right in the world to question his actions and activities all in all.<P>i proved that i wasnt worthy of trust and as a result, i expect that everything i do be completely open to my wife. if i am doing something that i dont want her to know about then i shouldnt be doing it.<P>this wasnt an easy concept to embrace, and i am probably the exception and not the rule, but i wanted my wife to be involved and interested in what i was doing so her reading my mail, monitoring my voice mail only brought us closer as she learned more of my world. and i of hers as a result.<P>he sounds like he may not have made as clean a cut in this relationship as he proposes. the OW may have he just hasnt come to grips with it yet. be careful as your husband is likely still in a fog about the A and has yet to fully commit to working to save the marriage, study the concepts and get in to plan A ASAP. youve got a long way to go, and if my intuition is right, he havent even started yet.<BR><P>------------------<BR>in loving service<BR>chaz

Hello,<P> Boy does that sound familier!! My H cell phone bills were full of errors,too. Please AT&T does know what they are doing. The lies will continue until he is out of the "fog."<BR>It is very tough to be lied to constantly, I know. Mine was a big one!! Mine lied about not contacting the OW for 5 months. Then the cell phone gave him away again!! <P> I have been in real recovery since Nov of last year. I will never get all the truth. My H prefers to sweep things under a rug. Conflict avoider. <P> No, 8 weeks is not enough. Especially when they recontact the OP. Then it just starts the cycle all over again.<P> He will probably come around after he goes through withdrawl, and the fogs lifts. Hang in there and pray and plan A. Did he send a no contact letter?<P> Hugs and prayers!<P>------------------<BR>Deb

Deb and Chaz:<P>Thank you for your replies. No, my husband did not sent a no contact letter. <P>His A was full of lies and deceit on both ends. He told her he was separated, no intimacy between us etc. When I found out about her he was still trying to burn both ends of the candle. I told him I wanted to speak to her and tell her the truth, after a three way call, him ending it saying "neither one of you will ever want to see me again" she cut contact off completely. Changed her phone # etc.<BR>He even went back to her to return some music saying, "When I get my life straightened out maybe we can work this out". She closed the door on him.<P>I can't fathom the idea that after knowing how much hurt and devastation he caused me he would still feel pulled toward her. <P>I did get in contact with her through her work. She lives three hours away. She and I communicated a few times, sorting through all the bull he'd fed us both. <P>In essence, I don't think he wanted it to end. He and I separated two weeks after I found out, at my request. I felt like I was second choice. Our separation is not a normal one, he lives next door and we see a lot of each other, but the anger and resentment I harbor toward him are great. I know this goes against PlanA Plan B but I am afraid that the anger and fighting would have been horrendous if we had tried to stay in the same house.<BR>Plus I want changes from him before I commit. He has been acting like a single man coming and going as he pleases. He has also told the counselor and I that he didn't think he could change.<P>Maybe he is right, maybe I need to "let it go" but as hard as I try I can't. He says I need to quit digging. Well, if he were doing what he was supposed to the entire time I wouldn't feel that need. As it is he has only really behaved himself, by not trying to contact her for 4 weeks now. All the while telling me he wants our marriage to work. <P>He came into my bedroom and was able to get her number because he pressed redial on my phone, her message included her phone #. He didn't tell me he had it. Once he had it he did try again to contact her. <P>To make a long story short he called her cursing her for telling me lies. I do not know who really was telling the truth, at this point it does not matter. As far as I know she would have nothing to do with him at this point. My hurt is in knowing that this was not his choice.<BR> <P>I know I am not handling any of this very well. I am not positive about making things work. I am filled with hatred and anger toward him. I love him but something inside me has died. <P>I am attending counseling, until yesterday. Not much help there. Counselor feels that with everything that has gone on there is too much to put aside.

Hello,<P> My H was dumped by the OW,too. So I also feel the 2nd choice myself. <P> My H of almost 20 years, was going to dump me for someone else. That was last year, but she would not leave her live in. It is crazy! She wasn't even someone he would love if she had said yes. Who wants a cheat? He wouldn't!<P> I am so sorry for you pain, I think everyone here knows how you feel. It is all based on lies and sneaking so try not to take it to heart. Your H will most likely wake up, and know how stupid the whole thing was. <P> How long have you been married? <P> Prayers and Hugs for you!<P>------------------<BR>Deb