My H is having an A and it was discovered on March 19, 2000. We were separated for 8 months and then he moved back home accept that he still sees OW and works with her. <P>I have read SAA and know that the affairs usually die a natural death after about six months, well this one is going on 14 months. I do see things killing the relationship between H and OW (my Plan A, her nagging him to divorce me which he refuses) They do alot of fighting and we get along now like peaches and cream. I seem to be meeting his needs and she seems to be in the way, however there is still the fog that won't let him completely leave her alone.<P>My question is, in your experiences, if the A died a natural death,how long did it take. Six months has come and gone, but I still refuse to give up my high school sweetheart to someone who is no good for him.<P>I would appreciate all the help I can get. Thanks and God bless you.

singagain - Certainly there can be no universal duration because of the many variables. My WS is coming up on one year. I, as well, am waiting for the natural death since she doesn't admit an affair and, thus, has no desire for counseling - I am the problem.<P>So 6 months is not magic - nothing is certain other than they do, in almost all cases, end.<P>WAT

I think 6 months may be if they leave to be with OP completely. For affair I do believe the time frame is more like 6 mo to 2 years. My H ended at 2 years and 1 mo.. pretty close to on schedual. But a heck of a long time from my prospective.<BR>Lora

I have been on both sides. I left my first wife for the present WS. That was over 15 years ago. The present WS has been gone for just over a year.<P>So I guess you could call me one of those that either made a success with the OP or it took me a h*ll of a long time to get over the fog.

I think the length of time does vary, but I think you are on the right track, with meeting needs,and not being a "nag". I noticed a marked improvement in my stiuation when I did that too. We were separated, and he was living with her as well. Before I knew it, he was dropping hints to come home, and I think she sensed this too, because she would "suck him in" his words, not mine. Anyways, we continued this dance for a few more months, until I was sure he would commit to our marriage again. She was nagging him and making him even more miserable. We have been back together for 16 months now, and while it all hasn't been easy, with God, and a great C, we are making it. In fact, while our marriage is not the same as before, it is better. Just be prepared for a lot of work.

Worthatry,Lora,Grandpabri,&mksgrl:<P>Thanks for your replies. I can use all the support I can get. I find that Plan A has worked well this whole time. It is hard watching still do things with OW but I believe that he is coming around. I also believe that she will "turn him off". The Harley's natural death theory is at work in their relationship and my H knows it too. He has commented that it is taking longer than 6 months but he also sees it and expresses a desire for the A to end, but doesn't know how to end it. He hopes she will end it so he doesn't have to hurt her or her kids, or to be "bad-mouthed" by friends.<P>So for now I will continue with patience and love and pray that the natural death theory kicks in soon. Please pray for me, too.<P>Thanks and God bless.

My H confessed his affair 2 mo ago and has gone back and forth between us at least 5 times since then- breaking it off with her then back home etc. This woman insisted he take more action toward divorce each time they reconnected- ie, first to leave me, then see a lawyer, look at apts, then last wk she pressured him to file for divorce from me which he did. When I got the papers I insisted he come home from work and I really had it out with him! He seemed convinced thats what he wanted so he went back to work then that SAME afternoon he had a breakdown and started to cry and cancelled the divorce papers. He said it took him seeing me holding the divorce papers and yelling about what that meant for him to really "GET" what he was doing to me and the kids! I told him if he wanted a divorce he'd be telling our 3 kids about his affair and his filing on me BY HIMSELF since I am totally against divorce. When it came right down to it- he didnt want to! Never underestimate how much pressure these other woman can put on a man.In my case this woman has brainwashed my husband so bad I swear he needs to be deprogrammed! If I were you I'd hang in there, usually these women pressure the men so much that the eventually wake up! Good luck on whatever you decide to do!lifeismessy....clean it up<BR>

singagain:<P>The average of death of affairs generally ranges from 6 months to 24 months, so you're still under the meaty part of the curve here. You got the Harley alphabet mixed up a bit (B before A), but it sounds like you're making a good deal of progress with Plan A.<P>Have you started to discuss a relocation from your area (and away from your husband's job)? That could certainly speed this process along.<P>In the case of my wife, the affair took 12 months to "clear", and I think the reason it did so that quickly was that she got pregnant by the OM, and that reality hammered their little fantasy world pretty strongly. It sounds like most of the progress you're making is positive, so if you're emotionally OK with being in Plan A, I'd say stick with it.<P>God bless.