I am new to the General Questions board. I have mostly been on JFO. Briefly, my H had an EA with a co-worker that lasted about 4 months. He claims that it never reached PA and I am trying to believe that. He told the OW that they can never talk again and so far it seems that they are sticking to it. My D-day is 3 weeks 1 day ago. He says he has never experienced any withdrawal. <P>I have a question about LB and Honesty. I am almost finished w/SAA and realize that I am not supposed to bring up the EA. That is a LB. I am supposed to 100% honest. So, I am having major anxiety attacks now. I can't breath and I am so paranoid. There other symptoms, but that is besides the point. When I am feeling insecure (all of the time) how am I supposed to implement honesty and not bringing up the A? This is really confusing me. <P>I told my H that I needed to go to the dr for a different anti-depressant because what I have been on for a while is not very strong. He then feels so bad because of what he has done to me. I am sure that this is a LB. <P>Does anyone have any suggestions as to how to do both at the same time?<P>Thanks,<BR>Window

Hi window,<P>I am sorry for your suffering. You have asked about something that all of us have difficulty with at times- how can you be open and honest without talking about the ONE thing that is on your mind all of the time?<P>The truth is that the affair must be dealt with, and sometimes that involves talking about it. However, you have to choose the time and the way that you discuss it carefully. Counseling can really help. Read the part of SAA about lovebusters again. It doesn't say not to mention the affair, but to avoid angry outbursts and disrespectful judgements when you do.<P>One thing that it took me some time to learn is that just because I think it it doesn't mean I have to SAY it. If there was something I wanted to ask about the affair or to tell my husband about it, I would write it down and think about it until the next day. Then I would look at it again and ask myself "Is it going to be helpful to say these words?" If the answer was no, I would throw it away. If the answer was yes I would save it for the time that we had agreed to discuss our relationship. It was hard, but it helped.<P>I am truly sorry you have experienced infidelity, but am glad you have found this place. We all share your experience and want to help each other.<P>Best wishes,<P>Peppermint

Thank you, Peppermint. It's not that I really have questions anymore. Sometimes he just asks me what is wrong. I hate saying, "Don't you know what is wrong? The same thing that is always wrong and always on my mind." Your idea is great, though. I will try that (writing it down). You are right. I have found that my rash actions are rarely good ones. I am sorry for your pain, also. Thanks again!