This is my story-A month ago I found out my husband was having an affair. He was out of town on a project and I opened the cell phone bill and saw a number over 100 times in a month. Then, on a credit card bill was an airline ticket flying her up there for a week. I was and am completely devastated. We have been married only 3 years but together for 10. I will admit we were having major intimacy problems and not having sex very often at all and I knew this bothered him as it did me. Other than that things were wonderful so I guess this was just something I kept thinking we would eventually adress. I never dreamed in a million years he would do this. We both just turned 30 and have been together for 10 years. In the past month we have started counseling. He is still on that project and it is suppose to end this week. An 8 week project out of town! He is going to counseling as well. He tells me he wants our marriage to work but doesn't know if it can. He feels like he has ruined any change of recovering from this and damaged it beyond repair. He is also scared that if we do get through the affair that we will go back to the way things were and he says he can't live without the intimacy and felt like he was living with his best friend. I want the intimacy too and will do whatever I need to in order to address the problem. However, I am not getting the re-assurances from him. He just keeps saying that things seem beyond repair and seems to be wallowing in misery. I am going crazy with worry. As of two weeks ago he says he has called it off with this girl. How do I know? How do I trust him? PLEASE any advice you have would be helpful. I feel like I am going crazy and walking on eggshells because I want this to work. We are both 30 and were about to start on a family. ALl my dreams and beliefs have been shattered... please help <BR>Now we have decided to go ahead with a vacation we have had planned for a year now with another married couple that are our best friends to hawaii. He didn't think we should go because he was worried we would fight and argue the whole time. I have convinced him that we need this. Any advice on how I should act during this trip. PLEASE <P>

Use this as an opportunity to start to rebuild. Make a vow to each other not to argue or bring anything up. Use this to refill that love tank and meet each other's emotional needs. I say go for it!

Thank you Janie. That is what I think too. He is nervous about going to spending alot of money to be unhappy the whole time. I think we just need to make a committment to having a good time. We are going with another couple and all sharing a condo. I hope it all works out..... I still don't believe him totally about the OW but I have no proof otherwise since he told me bhe broke it off 3 weeks ago....

I know how you feel about the lack of trust. Even if he is lying about no contact, he obviously wants you to think he has... a good sign. You will know in due time if he really has broken contact. However.....this vacation would be a great time to rekindle that flame and perhaps he'll just forget all about her!

Your posts really make me feel a little better. I am trying to convince myself of these things. Question for you. Part of what my husband was not getting from me was passion and intimacy. This was the main problem. Now, after all this I really don't have those feelings. All I can think about is him with her. I know I need to address it though or he will continue missing that from me. I haven't slept with him since all this but think I should in Hawaii. How do you get it out of your mind so you can enjoy it????/ Any suggestions?