Since my W (WS) moved out a month ago and d-day was three weeks ago I have had all kinds of things go thru my mind. Much of which is normal I suppose--or at least normal for these circumstances. But a couple of things have occurred to me that I wonder if others have dealt with or had similar thoughts?<P>Screen Sex---A real turnoff for me, now. Can't really stand to watch it in movie or on TV. I'm not a prude by any means nor am I a porno freak but even a loving type of relationship between a H & W bothers me. <P>Other Women--I love my wife and want to rebuild my relationship once she is willing to commit. So howcum every time a see an attractive member of the opposite sex do I look to see if she is wearing a wedding ring or if she is available. I would not consider having a get even A. So what is up with that?<P>Music--I can't seem to listen to much music. Lots of memories with W and songs she liked, I liked we liked together, etc. And I happen to like Country Music. Whoa...there are WAY too many sad songs about love lost, divorce etc to deal with there. I guess I never noticed them as much before. <P>Are there other "weird" feelings others have had and are willing to share? Or, indeed, are these normal?<P>I'd hate to think I'm turning into a weirdo---I have enough problems as a "normal" person <BR>

Elad,<P>I know where you are coming from. I have had all those same feelings. I have also had trouble watching certain movies, have certain things to eat, and even some smells (weird but true). In addition, there are days when I desparately want to make it work. Other days, I am extrememly angry. Its the angry days that dig me a whole with my W. For now, however, my W does not want to continue the our relationship. She keeps telling me that she is going to file but doesn't. Every time she tells me, I am convinced that she is going to follow through, but then nothing.<P>

I'm Right with you Elad. I Love music, and now i dont even turn the radio on in my car. And going to the video store? forget it. It has been almost 2 months since we separated and in the process of divorce so i'm sure that with time things will become normal to me again as it will with you. <BR>The thing you said about looking for wedding rings on women you see. I do that too. When all this is going on in your life. you become super sensitive to others that are in relationships. I have a hard time going out and seeing men and women holding hand or kissing. <P>------------------<BR>Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want.

I don't like to see movies/tv shows that portray infidelity lightly. There is new movie out with warren beatty; the previews make me want to puke<P>I also find that when I am at the Golden Arches (McDonalds) with my kids, I sometimes see men alone with kids and I look at their fingers. I know it is harder to tell if married because all married men don't wear there rings.<P>HOpelessmom

Hi Elad,<P>Your feelings are not weird. They are very normal. Also, the intensity of them and your present feelings as they are is temporary. It will pass to something that you will be able to handle. <P>I felt the same way. I love music and sing in my car. Yet, I did not listen to the radio for 3 months. It was hard. Watching TV was difficult but not too bad since most of the time our set is tuned to Disney or Nickelodeon. I have not really watch TV with real people in it for a long time and there are not too many romantic scenes in Digimon or Pokemon. <P>I have used that time here. For me after 3 months, I learned to like music again. I listen to more instrumental but since I love to sing along, I find myself choosing what I listen to. The lyrics mean more to me now. <P>Do I check out other men? Yes, I have. From a distance and wonder why would I want to be in another relationship. Can I actually care for another man again? I so want to be in a loving relationship for now I want that to be with my H. Time and patience is on my side. While I not be getting any younger, I like to think that I will be a bit wiser in my next selection. I waited until I was 32 to marry the first time, now I need to do more than just make sure I am ready. My situation has me at those crossroads right now. H is waffling on his family. We may be headed back to the d/d board. <P>In the meantime, I have a lot to keep me busy. I can always learn to become a better person. Whether it is a benefit for myself, child, husband or someone else, I will be a better person. I am happy with myself and that has sustained me. I do know where I will be as a person, tomorrow, next week, next month and next year. <P>You are not weird. No more than the rest of us. Oh if the world could only have as much care as we each carry in our little finger, it would be a much happier place to live. We as individuals have a lot to give and therefore have a lot to live for. Don't underestimate your abilities. We live in a cruel and abnormal world. Being as we are make us better, not weird. <BR>Take Care,<BR>L.

No you are normal.<P>what you are feeling, doing is something that we all have done or do.<P>hang in there, know that you are not alone.

Elad you are NOT wierd!! I have those same feelings. TV, radio, couples I see. I went off on one of my friends who was talking about her friend dating a man who said he was getting a D. I flew off the handle and later apologized. We have all gone through this and still are. We're here for you.<P>Hang in there Elad, in time it will get better!<P>K

Orchid said:<BR>Oh if the world could only have as much care as we each carry in our little finger, it would be a much happier place to live<P>That is so true.<P>Thanks everyone.<P>

Elad - if you're weird, we all are. You may want to consider seeing your doc about some anti-depressants or at least be evaluated for depression. Seeking help is a sign of strength.<P>WAT

Actually I feel less depressed than I did a few weeks ago. still have my moments though...just like everyone here I assume.<P>I am trying to get thru this w/o meds. I hope to be able to do that. The only thing I take now is vitamins 'cause, as I am sure you all know, this leads to lousy eating habits. <P>I'm glad I'm not the only one with these (and similar) thoughts rolling around in their head. <P>

My weird thing is that I look at couples out and about and wonder if they are truly happy and wonder if they know how close they are to losing that loving feeling (sorry didn't mean to refer to a song).<P>There is new song by Matchbox 20 that is talking about loss, that really kind of touched me. Don't know the name of it though.<P>It's nice to share with others, as my close friends haven't been though this and I don't want to burden them with what I am going through right now I have a few friends that know,<BR>Thank you all for just being there sometimes! It's great to come to you.<P>Hugs to all!!