I have been thinking alot, probally too much. But I am at the point that i really dont want my wife back. I just want her to be unhappy and miserable. <BR>I am usually a really nice guy and am not a hatefull mean person. But i cant help feeling that i want her to be hurting(not physically, but emotionally) does that make make me a bad person? <P><P>------------------<BR>Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want.

No it just makes you honest. The rest of us are just trying harder to fight those feeling...whew that felt so good to say. On the other hand, you know those feelings are not going to help you recover. Listen to the good people here and not to me. I am having a bad two months. <BR>Good luck! <BR>Exxon

Just a dip in the ride, Bio... not fun... but hold on... you'll be feeling more up! (and stronger to fight) soon...

You are not a bad person, BioMan.<P>If you honestly do not want her back any more, if the Love Bank is truly empty and there are no deposits possible, it is time to move on.<P>You are a good person. You are the only one who knows when you have had enough.<P>Blessings.<BR>Kat =^^=

bioman - I doubt you are a bad person. That would be a real pisser. Sorry, I couldn't help it.<P>Recently, I've also had the feeling at times that I want my wife to be suffer some and be miserable. I think this revenge temptation is human nature to a point - as long as we don't do anything intentionally. We naturally want the WSs to share some of the misery they have caused.<P>I do doubt that you really don't want your wife back. One thing that I and others on this forum have admitted to really needing to work on is the temptation to act or make conclusions on day-to-day changes in mood and attitude. This roller coaster has lots of ups and downs, but we need to remember that they tend to average out in the long term - each lap on this ride starts and finishes at the same elevation.<P>So, once again, I think you're normal - or we're both weird.<P>WAT

I have felt this way too, more often than I care to admit.<P>The bottom line is, while you are feeling this way you not only aren't doing anything good for your M, you also aren't doing anything good for yourself.<P>Time to take a break and do something to make yourself feel better--something not destructive. How about fishing or playing a ballgame with the buddies or even a long drive to look at scenery. Try doing something fun together, no pressure or anything, just something fun.<P>Re-evaluate yourself in a few days.

BioMan -- <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR> . . .does that make make me a bad person?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>I think Exxon said it very well when they said . . . <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>No it just makes you honest. The rest of us are just trying harder to fight those feeling...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>This rollecoaster that you are on . . . It can be hell of a nasty ride.<P>Just hold on . . . It does get better.<P>God Bless

Hi Bioman,<P>Your feelings are normal. Look at it from the fact that your marriage has been attacked by the A. Your first reaction is defense, your second is to attack it and destroy the A. But your W is in the A. If you attack it you are in essence attacking your W. No way around that. <P>So focus on how to better yourself. Spend all that energy that your adrenaline is pumping out on strengthening yourself and your family. The ride ahead is going to get rough, you need to be prepared. <P>For the first 3 months I had endless energy yet I did not get more than 2 - 3 hours sleep a night, tops. I was not eating and yet I was able to work, think and think and think. Did I physically suffer? Yes, I also dealt with anxiety attacks. They were frequent at first 3 - 4 a week, then subsided to now about 1 every 2 weeks. <P>I was not aware of MB for the first 8 weeks after d/d. I don't really know how I made it except for praying, talking with the counselor, support from good friends and keeping a journal. Yes, I cried a lot and wanted revenge badly. But I could see that it really did no good. H protected OW. Why? Don't know. H thought I would go after them with a vengence. His loyalty was and is all messed up. <P>I found out that I needed to focus on helping H heal. But I did not know how until I came here. Learned some MB ways, applied all I could, watched and waited. Time and patience were what I had to learn. Keeping my mouth shut was another hurrdle for me. Posting here allowed me to get rid of some of the anger and hurt I was feeling. Those here understood more than those around me. They gave me support like no other place. <P>Work on yourself. Turn your anger into something good. My little saying is: Turn life's lemons into lemonade. It is a bit corny but easy to remember. Sometimes I need a good swift kick in the pants to keep going. That is why I come here to be kept on the right track. Hope you can also. <P>Take Care,<BR>L.<P>

Hi Bioman:<P>I think this is a natural reaction to our own pain...somehow it seems like it will make us feel better if the WS can experience even a little of the kind of pain we experienced as a result of the A.<P>But you know what...it really doesn't...it only makes us feel worse...in the middle of all my pain I still feel pangs when I see my WS experiencing loneliness or helplessness...and he has given me no reason to feel sorry for him at all....but to see him experience it is to feel it again myself and I don't want that...so I still try to ease his pain if I can possibly help myself...of course...sometimes it just comes rolling out and like a semi...it can't be stopped...but I always feel bad afterwards...because inflicting pain is hard for me. And you probably would feel the same if you had the opportunity to give your WS what they deserve for the pain they've cause you. <P>So, if it gives you comfort...resolve that pain in your heart..and let it go. You're better then she is...and can raise about it.<P>Faye