It is now day 5 since d-day. My H and I talked more this evening in the car while going to pick up our son than we have in MONTHS, many months. He was able to express some of his pain and I was able to explain some of what led me to have an affair. Although at times the conversation was punctuated with both our tears, i felt a ray of hope.<P>But then, when we arrived home, he made up a bed for himself in our spare room, which devastated me. The previous four nights since d-day, he has still slept in our bed, and even though he was all curled up on his own side, facing away from me, I was still comforted by his presence. Somehow that made me feel that he must still love me a little.<P>I know, I know...(and he's told me) that he absolutely can't feel physical or affectionate in any way toward me at this point...and I certainly don't expect it. But should I just give him space, like sleeping alone, and not question it or ask him to sleep with me? I know he's hurting, but I just don't want him to pull even further away from me now. I'm so afraid of that. Not to mention, the nights will be long and lonely in that bed by myself. I guess I deserve it and should just accept it as part of my punishment.<P>Does anyone have thoughts on how much "space" to give? What should I do?

calla30 -- I replied on another of your threads, but felt that I could add a little here as well. . .<P>It's only been 5 days . . . I know it feels like 5 life times to you . . . it probably feels like 5 millions years to your H.<P><BR>You wrote that you talked tonight . . .That is a good thing. Keep it up.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>i felt a ray of hope<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Hold onto that hope. nuture it.<P>As to your question about how muchspace to give him . . . As much as he needs . . . just continue to let him know that you love him, that you are sorry, and that you want to rebuild your marriage.<P>My thought and prayers are going out to you both.<P>God Bless

I understand perfectly what your husband has been going<BR>through. It has only been 5 days. An important question is whether you told him or he had to find out about your affair by himself. The first couple of weeks I had to sleep somewhere else because I could not stand sharing the same air let alone the same bed with my ex. Some men can overcome<BR>having a cheating spouse and some like me could not. I felt that there was no point since my ex could have so easily lied and cheated on me that I would never be able to ever trust her again in my heart and mind so I gave up. I would suggest that he immediately get into therapy to salvage his mind and spirit. Please try to imagine if the roles were reversed and ask yourself if you would still like to be sleeping next to him and maybe you will understand his pain better. Good luck to you.