Need your opinioms on what is happening here:<P>My spouse and I were raised with very strong religious background that was very much against premarital sex. We hit it off and quickly became engaged. We work well together by and large. Just prior to our marriage my spouse "came clean" about a sexual experience a year earlier. We put it aside. A year and half after the marriage during a move I found information that indicated the relationship was MUCH more intense and prolonged than I had been told.<P>Deeply in love I made a consious choice to not think about<BR>it as it hurt so badly. Now we have been married almost 10 years w/children. Every day or so I have pain of the thought of the revelation and the seemly unforthcoming information after the fact.<P>Recently, the memory and pain has been more intense. It is almost as if I feel I missed something in having no other partner. I keeping saying I must be have a mid-life crisis as I love my spouse and have no friendship in another person. However the pain flashes through my mind almost constantly.<P>Why this far down the road?<BR>Did I miss something?<BR>What gives?<P>

ESSS...<BR>Take the energy that you are using to think about this and work on your marriage. Many people here will say that they got complacement with their marriages and that is when bad things started to happen, marriage is work and work every day just like a job, you must put something into it everyday, so work on that, think about how much it is that you love hour H and your kids, what you can do to make that better and then do those things.<P>I had dated alot but never let anyone get that close to me but my spouse, I knew that he had a girlfriend that had called off a marriage when we met, he had had one other sexual encounter between the ex and myself, and so 5 years into the marriage he had the opportunity to see the ex and as he had been good friends with others in her family I didn't have a problem with it and then it happened again and that was ok, but she called our house about the 10 year point and about the 18 year point he had to go on a remote assignment which meant a year a way from home, during that year they communicated regularly through e mail and phone calls, I still don't know who intiated the contact, but figure he was looking back over his life and began thinking the "What if" questions about his life and now he has made her to be more important then myself and his kids and he wants to be with her as she is the one that will make him happy.<P>So please really stop and think about the questions you are raising and do you need to act upon them and if you do is this good for your family?<P>I hope that you get something from this and I am so happy that you came somewhere that is safe to ask the questions and to post your concerns, Best wishes to you, you are in my thoughts and my prayers.