I was the betrayer in my marriage. About three years ago, while my husband and I were separated, I had a one night stand with a guy from work. We ended up having sex in the stairwell at work. I know, not the best place but when you're in a fantasy world anything can happen.<P>I ended up catching gential herpes from this man and he denied all the way that he has them or even gave them to me. He told me he wasn't seeing anyone else but rumors flying around work says otherwise. I'm sure he either got if from the other woman he was sleeping with or he gave it to her as well. I had one outbreak in April 98. <P>What I'm wondering is this. I haven't had any other outbreaks since then. I'm not complaining or anything but I'm wondering if that is something that usually happens. Do someone ususally go more than three years without an outbreak? It just doesn't seem that it would work so well for me like that. The sores hurt like crap and I really don't want to infect my husband. He's been so wonderful to me and has put up with my PA and many EAs. I couldn't ask for a more wonderful man in the world.<P>I'm just wondering if having more than a three year strecth and counting between outbreaks for herpes a common thing or not?

How about it gang ?<P>Can any of the medical people out there give my W any insight into this?<P>God Bless

Hi you two!<BR> OB nurse here. Yes, this can and does happen. You are very lucky. In most cases the initial outbreak is horrible. Subsequent breakouts usually decrease in intensity and frequency. Breakouts can be and usually are triggered by emotional and physical stress. You can go years without a reoccurance and may be so lucky that you never have a reoccurance, however, that is unlikely as the virus,although not manifesting itself physically is lying dormant in your system. The downside to your good luck in not having another outbreak, is that you should not become complacent and have unprotected sex, as it is possible to have a very tiny sore internally and not be aware of it. This type of reoccurance would be enough to infect your H and in my opinion is not worth the risk. <P>To prevent and prolong the timespan between outbreaks eat right,get plenty of rest and do all those things grandma told us to do to stay healthy and the biggest thing.... decrease your stress as much as possible. There are also good meds out today that can decrease the discomfort of subsequent outbreaks. Do talk to your OB-GYN!!

mthrrhbard<P>I understand about not having unprotected sex. But here is my problem with that. I want to have another child with my husband, so I would have to have unprotected sex with him. I honestly don't want to infect him with it. That would kill me if I did, but what do I do about wanting to have more kids. Say hey because I was stupid to have my affair, I know have to suffer and never have another child? I think that would be hard to swallow for me as well as infecting my husband

I understand your dilema. Of course having unprotected sex carries with it some risk.Your OB-GYN can fill you in on exactly how great of a risk attempting a pregnancy would be for your H. For him, it just may be worth that risk. You have had great luck in never having another outbreak and that could continue and hopefully so. Many,many women with herpes have children. One other risk to be aware of is the risk to the baby should you deliver vaginally with an active lesion. That could cause blindness and brain damage in an infant. Ob-Gyn's typically do a culture as the time for delivery draws near to determine if there is an active outbreak internally. Many women who have had herpes deliver vaginally with absolutely no problem to the infant.You just need a good doctor who is on top of things. If an outbreak is occuring at the time of delivery, c-section is the only viable alternative to prevent harm to your baby. <P>You can have another baby,just get all the facts and risks laid out for you by a good Ob-Gyn. My suggestion for finding a GOOD MD.......call your local hospital's labor and delivery unit after 7pm when the night nurses are there. Ask them who they would/do go to. The night nurses know who cares enough to roll out of bed in the middle of the night(without a major attitude) to tend to the needs of their patients. They have an entirely different perspective than day nurses who only have to call MD's to come from their offices.You want someone who is really on their toes when you are dealing with a problem that has risks for two people you love more than anything else,your H and your child/ren. Good luck, it can be done with minimal risks if you follow good medical advise! Oh, and another option, with no risk to your H, would be artificial insemination.<p>[This message has been edited by mthrrhbard (edited April 24, 2001).]

hopeful1771 & Empty Shell,<BR>Glad to see a H/W team here. Good Job!<BR>How about a totally male perspective? I'm no doctor and I totally agree w/ the "mthrrhbard" about all the medical implications. However, I can share my W and my experience. She had Herpes when we got married (A gift of her prior relationships) and had an outbreak just prior to the birth of our first son. The stress of being pregnant may trigger another outbreak so be prepared that if/when you become pregnant you may end up going C-Section. (Herpes is bad news to a new born, big time)<P>O.K. That was 15 years ago and no outbreak since. We even had another boy a year and a half later with no problems or breakouts. I got clipped just after our second son was born and I haven't used a condom since. So we have had totally unprotected and glorious sex for the last 13 years with no problems. I have a physical every two years (requirement of my work) with blood test, etc. and have been clean.<P>So, I guess if we can do it, then you can do it. But, we may be very lucky and from what I read we have been very risky. I kind of think that what's in your marriage stays in the marriage and if I do some day get the disease then so be it. It's only when you consider other relationships that it becomes an issue.<P>Sorry for the layman response, but it's real life and factual. I would definitly use protection if an outbreak does occur if not abstain altogether until it completely clears up. I wish you both the best of luck and have fun making babies! <P>God Bless!<P><P>------------------<BR>Later,<BR>B