I'm tired of living under a cloud!It's time to wage war! I know my H still loves me but is living with OW (he thinks he loves her, of course). He visits me frequently. I am going to knock his socks off when he comes over!I'm not quite sure how but I going to make his visits exciting and unforgettable! I can beat her at this!I don't really know what his needs are for sure but I'm sure he's bored after 25 years.I'll change that!OW-look out here I come!!!<BR>Am I nuts?

No you are not. If the opportunity had presented itself early in this for me, I'd have done what you speak of doing. However, I didn't have to opportunity to knock my wife's socks off. It was OM all the way, but I wasn't supposed to know any of it.<P>Given that he comes by to visit you for 2 or 3 hours a day during the week, you have an opportunity to demonstrate changes and make him think twice about what he is doing. The fog can be very thick, so don't count on anything, but it is worth a shot.<P>Regarding calling, this is a tough call, but I'd go with the "call less" strategy, because given his visitation frequency, it might get him wondering. Combine that with whatever changes you can make, such as new clothes, appearance, perfume, being busy, going out, etc. Or whatever you have in mind in your war against OW. I'm sure you'll come up with ideas. If you think he was bored, come up with some excitement.<P>One thing is for sure...when a WS doesn't see any changes, then you compare to the OP just as you did when the A started. Seeing interesting changes can only get him thinking and wondering. Like Steve Harley says, (something like this), think of it as though they had a formula, and the result was that someone else was the result. When you change the variables, their formula that they are currently operating under goes haywire and produces a different result. That throws them off. This is harder if you don't get to spend time with the WS. But you can, so make use of it.<P>Keep us posted and good luck.<BR>

Thanks Rick37.<BR>I just left a message on his answering machine that I have a surprise for him later this week. That should keep him wondering! I have no idea what the surprise will be myself but I better make it good.I have to screw up his formula. Right?

Right. I don't know all the details of your situation (some of them from recent posts), but whatever he is getting from OW, the more of it he sees he can get from you, combined with the inevitable wearing down of the infatuation of a new relationship, all helps your cause. Keep depositing love units, surprising him, fulfilling ENs that you think OW is currently fulfilling, and do whatever you can to make yourself the best you can be. That is all you can do.<P>You should buy the book 10,000 Ways to Say I Love You, by Gregory Godek. If you haven't seen it, it has many suggestions for surprises, some little, some bigger. Doing things from that book regularly has got to help some.<P>So think of that surprise that you just promised. Everyone likes surprises, and I'm sure there are plenty of them in affairs. I think your ideas make for a good Plan A.

Make sure to wear lipstick so you can leave a smudge on his neck or collar (or underwear!). Somewhere where he may miss it but she will not. Also make sure to wear perfume that may linger on his clothes.<P>[This message has been edited by very hurt (edited April 22, 2001).]<p>[This message has been edited by very hurt (edited April 25, 2001).]

Mazey!<BR>Good for you girl, you fight for what is your's. This is exactly what I did, I made a conscious decision to become the "OW" so to speak.<P>While my H lived with OW, he phoned every night to "tuck" his son in. I made sure that I was pleasant and friendly on the phone - I always said I love you and I miss you.<P>Everytime that he came to pick up his son, I would have dinner for us, always made his favorites, with a nice bottle of wine, bought him beer etc. <P>I emailed him at work, everyday with a joke or something and entitled it to brighten your day.<P>Everytime he came to the door, I made sure something nice greeted him, ie. candles and a beer, a card etc. I still do that btw.<P>I made our home a pleasant place for him while she was crying and whining and complaining to him at theirs.<P>I called him and said things like I will be in the neighbourhood for lunch tomorrow - can I buy you lunch? Then I took the morning off, got my hair and makeup done, wore my best outfit and meet him at a local restaurant.<P>I started emailing him about Gloria's surprize until he finally was so curious he had to see it - and I bought some toys etc at a love shop, body massages etc.<P>It worked we are together - took three months of very hard work, putting on a happy face etc while he was with her. Also it takes a while for it to work, they seem to just accept what you are handing them and go back to the OW but try not to let that throw you. What I did was become the person he could talk to about everything and he started confiding in me about her and how awful it truly was.<P>BTW I live in Edmonton!<P>Surprize him with tickets to a local ball game for both of you and the kids, remember what his interests are and play on those. Take care and keep me posted.<P>email is axxeman@home.com if you want more advise.<BR>I am good at this have helped two couples get back together this way.<BR>